My biggest fear is not having a sense of where my life is going or what could happen next. I know that's my biggest fear because I went through such a period. If someone would have asked me before what my biggest fear was, I would have said it was losing a close family member like my mom or somebody. I know control is ultimately an illusion and I'm not saying I'm psychic or anything like that, but I always had a sense of what was next, whether good or bad, or what was within the realm of possibility for me...and that gave me a sense of control over my life. When I lost that sense and things started to happen that went beyond the pale of what I could expect, it freaked me out and I had never felt so scared and vulnerable.
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