Lets Beef - Battle Rap Forums - View Single Post - Subreal's Verse For Jason. (Feedback Requested.)

#1 04-27-2014, 12:56 AM

I'll 'bring da newborn to ya crib' like storks we're ready to SMOKE SOMEONE ACTUALLY

First of all, when the FUCK, has a stork EVER smoked anyone? What are you thinking, fam? More importantly, what relevance does the set up "bring the new born to your crib" have as a DISS towards your opponent? This is a very poor start to a verse for one of the top contender's on LB.

look below ur high horse thinking ur da CHOSEN ONE MAJESTY n you'll see 'more Young'ns strapped with two-pieces' than views from OCEANFRONT BALCONIES!

You're only one "Young'n." Where are all of these other young'ns you speak of? Are they the new borns? Can a newborn hold a gun? The concept is there, but, using a simile based punchline really hinders the impact of the line, making it seem incredibly basic. Not to mention the already pointed out flaws with its set up, and its set ups relevance.

Your era hella forced rhymes just SPEAKING SOME JARGON so we learned retards die out w/o SPEECHES FROM DARWIN

Decent little jab here, but, with the length of the build of your first punchline, you have little room for further punches, and small jabs with such a low impact will NOT win you a battle.

you're just da last to pass u 'on tha edge of withering' like SEEDLINGS IN GARDENS bitch ya'll didn't come close 'in denting the text section' wasn't even REACHING THE MARGIN!

What do seedlings and paragraphs have to do with one another? Incredibly poor set up to your following punchline here, with little to no relevance between concepts to be seen here. More importantly, the conceptual basis of the seedling line is incredibly vague, and leaves a lot to be desired. Both of these above lines are very bland, and uncreative in my opinion.

I used to fanboy but guys our IDOLS SHITTY I SEE NOW they couldn't 'claim blue again' featured in EIFFEL 65'S REBOUND!

First of all, why refer to yourself as a fanboy? You're just opening yourself up for flips off the get go with this phrasing. You really finished this verse off with another dull concept with little to no impact with both its phrasing, and its set up. No relevance between your idol being shitty, and Eiffel 65. This is not your best work, in the least. If this is what Jason is "ducking" you should really go back to the drawing board, and rethink your approaches.

THIS IS @Subreal'S ACTUAL VERSE FOR JASON. THE VERY ONE HE CLAIMS HE IS DUCKING. That being said, I will include the following poll for this thread:

Did @Jason duck @Subreal's verse? THIS verse?

04-27-2014, 12:56 AM

I'll 'bring da newborn to ya crib' like storks we're ready to SMOKE SOMEONE ACTUALLY

First of all, when the FUCK, has a stork EVER smoked anyone? What are you thinking, fam? More importantly, what relevance does the set up "bring the new born to your crib" have as a DISS towards your opponent? This is a very poor start to a verse for one of the top contender's on LB.

look below ur high horse thinking ur da CHOSEN ONE MAJESTY n you'll see 'more Young'ns strapped with two-pieces' than views from OCEANFRONT BALCONIES!

You're only one "Young'n." Where are all of these other young'ns you speak of? Are they the new borns? Can a newborn hold a gun? The concept is there, but, using a simile based punchline really hinders the impact of the line, making it seem incredibly basic. Not to mention the already pointed out flaws with its set up, and its set ups relevance.

Your era hella forced rhymes just SPEAKING SOME JARGON so we learned retards die out w/o SPEECHES FROM DARWIN

Decent little jab here, but, with the length of the build of your first punchline, you have little room for further punches, and small jabs with such a low impact will NOT win you a battle.

you're just da last to pass u 'on tha edge of withering' like SEEDLINGS IN GARDENS bitch ya'll didn't come close 'in denting the text section' wasn't even REACHING THE MARGIN!

What do seedlings and paragraphs have to do with one another? Incredibly poor set up to your following punchline here, with little to no relevance between concepts to be seen here. More importantly, the conceptual basis of the seedling line is incredibly vague, and leaves a lot to be desired. Both of these above lines are very bland, and uncreative in my opinion.

I used to fanboy but guys our IDOLS SHITTY I SEE NOW they couldn't 'claim blue again' featured in EIFFEL 65'S REBOUND!

First of all, why refer to yourself as a fanboy? You're just opening yourself up for flips off the get go with this phrasing. You really finished this verse off with another dull concept with little to no impact with both its phrasing, and its set up. No relevance between your idol being shitty, and Eiffel 65. This is not your best work, in the least. If this is what Jason is "ducking" you should really go back to the drawing board, and rethink your approaches.

THIS IS @Subreal'S ACTUAL VERSE FOR JASON. THE VERY ONE HE CLAIMS HE IS DUCKING. That being said, I will include the following poll for this thread:

Did @Jason duck @Subreal's verse? THIS verse?

04-27-2014, 12:56 AM	#1
Rant Guest Voted: 0 audio / 0 text Posts: n/a Mentioned: Post(s) Tagged: Thread(s)	Subreal's Verse For Jason. (Feedback Requested.) I'll 'bring da newborn to ya crib' like storks we're ready to SMOKE SOMEONE ACTUALLY First of all, when the FUCK, has a stork EVER smoked anyone? What are you thinking, fam? More importantly, what relevance does the set up "bring the new born to your crib" have as a DISS towards your opponent? This is a very poor start to a verse for one of the top contender's on LB. look below ur high horse thinking ur da CHOSEN ONE MAJESTY n you'll see 'more Young'ns strapped with two-pieces' than views from OCEANFRONT BALCONIES! You're only one "Young'n." Where are all of these other young'ns you speak of? Are they the new borns? Can a newborn hold a gun? The concept is there, but, using a simile based punchline really hinders the impact of the line, making it seem incredibly basic. Not to mention the already pointed out flaws with its set up, and its set ups relevance. Your era hella forced rhymes just SPEAKING SOME JARGON so we learned retards die out w/o SPEECHES FROM DARWIN Decent little jab here, but, with the length of the build of your first punchline, you have little room for further punches, and small jabs with such a low impact will NOT win you a battle. you're just da last to pass u 'on tha edge of withering' like SEEDLINGS IN GARDENS bitch ya'll didn't come close 'in denting the text section' wasn't even REACHING THE MARGIN! What do seedlings and paragraphs have to do with one another? Incredibly poor set up to your following punchline here, with little to no relevance between concepts to be seen here. More importantly, the conceptual basis of the seedling line is incredibly vague, and leaves a lot to be desired. Both of these above lines are very bland, and uncreative in my opinion. I used to fanboy but guys our IDOLS SHITTY I SEE NOW they couldn't 'claim blue again' featured in EIFFEL 65'S REBOUND! First of all, why refer to yourself as a fanboy? You're just opening yourself up for flips off the get go with this phrasing. You really finished this verse off with another dull concept with little to no impact with both its phrasing, and its set up. No relevance between your idol being shitty, and Eiffel 65. This is not your best work, in the least. If this is what Jason is "ducking" you should really go back to the drawing board, and rethink your approaches. THIS IS @Subreal'S ACTUAL VERSE FOR JASON. THE VERY ONE HE CLAIMS HE IS DUCKING. That being said, I will include the following poll for this thread: Did @Jason duck @Subreal's verse? THIS verse? Last edited by Rant; 04-27-2014 at 01:03 AM.