RULE's 2 Bar Analysis
 

That mah fucka guts got me active for a minute, so this is how this goes.

Post 4 lines of a text verse you've written and i'll give you some feedback on it.

1/

@RULE do your magic

Dys is just like his dad. His L's (his cells) are multiPLYING A LOT. Saw the sick old man kicking a vending machine IRONIC, I THOUGHT it DENIED HIM A POP. I yelled "please stop kicking the cans, sir", he fuckin DIED ON THE SPOT!

Background: just before this battle dysfunctional revealed to me that his dad had cancer. It was a low blow but bars y'know.

An I laugh AT YOUR ABILITY 'cause anything "You Spell Out" ain't "CASTIN NO WIZARDRY"! I got straps for any CAT WHO BELITTLES ME, it's a FACT, YOU'LL BE HISTORY when I "Stand Tall & Wave The Heat" like the "STATUE OF LIBERTY"!!

- This one's from an audio battle, but oh well it translates over to text decently enough.

Had to tell you a few times that your WORDING'S QUITE ATROCIOUS, them scripts wouldn't be magical w/ MERLIN'S TYPE OF FOCUS!

Multi set was smooth, the actual line is a bit weird tho. You say your opponents wording is bad, then drop that odd worded second multi set. Merlins type of focus? Passable i guess but if you aiming for top tier this wording needs to be straight.

/ Guided dude, he told me 'quit the horseplay' then I saw the WORST DESIGNS APPROACHING cos I said 'into the belly of the beast' & he couldn't WORK IT LIKE A TROJAN!

Similar to the previous bar the wording is a bit unnatural. the non-capped build is very longer and wordy to me too, feels like you stretched the build to include the horse-play reference. Could of been cleaner and shorter. The concept it good, but the execution wasnt strong. I think the punch could of been better. Work it like a trojan. Many more creative / impactful ways to land the punch.

just curious,


We thought he’d turn down this callout, run aWAY N RETIRE ‘Now He Gon Get This Work, Thank God’ as if he PRAYED TA GET HIRED! 6 defenses with no ‘Burn Out’; think youre TAKIN IT HIGHER? watch ya old-puns-fa-Row ‘Go Up In Smoke’ coz now youre ‘PLAYING WIT FIRE’!

background : called rai out for lbt title

Dys is just like his dad. His L's (his cells) are multiPLYING A LOT.

In my accent (or any i put on to try and make this work) i cannot find the SELL sound needed for the wordplay to work. Only sounds like: His Els. So straight away the bars in trouble.

Saw the sick old man kicking a vending machine IRONIC, I THOUGHT it DENIED HIM A POP. I yelled "please stop kicking the cans, sir", he fuckin DIED ON THE SPOT!

This is a perfect mix of a played concept, played wordplay, but good execution. Even though ive heard a million cancer / can sir wordplays the execution was very funny. The bar is very wordy so be aware of that in future. The humour is what pulle dthis off. Honestly this shouldnt of worked but props lol.

---------- Post added at 10:35 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:29 PM ----------


An I laugh AT YOUR ABILITY 'cause anything "You Spell Out" ain't "CASTIN NO WIZARDRY"! I got straps for any CAT WHO BELITTLES ME, it's a FACT, YOU'LL BE HISTORY when I "Stand Tall & Wave The Heat" like the "STATUE OF LIBERTY"!!

You can tell this is an audio bar cuz the flow is slick but is a bit fillerish for a text bar.

An I laugh AT YOUR ABILITY 'cause anything "You Spell Out" ain't "CASTIN NO WIZARDRY"!

an ok start, not sure it adds anything other than the fact that it rhymes.

I got straps for any CAT WHO BELITTLES ME, it's a FACT, YOU'LL BE HISTORY

Same feed as previous line, even though the flow if nice to me its just filler that could of been used for another punch.

when I "Stand Tall & Wave The Heat" like the "STATUE OF LIBERTY"!!

decent punch. but only decent. techincally the statue doesnt wave but i can let that slide. To me its more of a filler punch than a proper punch.

yo dawg i kno you said jus 2 bars to post for da feed but frawsty da new nigga on da scene ya feel me and i was thinkin he need dat extra help an shit so i post some of da lines homies be mentionin in da votes ya kno what i mean maybe just skim dat shit or summit an hit me back preciate it man

this a hate crime wit da black on black when i put dat GLOCK TO OLD CROW an leave dis nigga unda da blankets an i aint TALKIN BOUT SNOW / nigga you talkin bout chinese shoes an shit but look i AINT HAVE DA FEET frawsty send a flurry ah rounds to wet ya an SLAY MANS WIT SLEET / imma son ya fool aint no doubt im jus YOUR MOMS TYPE ill smoke this nigga den put rounds to ya mouth like a CORN COB PIPE / im a fuckin snowman nigga so whys you da one LOOKIN SO COLD no rigamortis cuz deez rounds got you more SHOOK THAN SNOW GLOBES / cuz when it comes to rounds they sugar cookies to me i can THROW DOZENS put three on ya chest in a line til it look like we got matchin COAL BUTTONS / no meltin when i blast burners SO HOT THAT I POP THAT and put so many rounds on ya head niggas gon think ya BORROWED MA TOP HAT / cuz look tonight da snow runs red wit ya blood nigga THIS DISS GORY you gonna getyo tongue ripped out when it freeze ta my pole like CHRISTMAS STORY / yo verse gonna get punched in da gut i CALL IT A WAIST/WASTE even doubled over it aint half as good as mine so take deez snow BALLS IN YA FACE / nigga i got sticks for arms but ya get hit wit da CROSS RIGHT INNIT FAST cuz once i lay yo out in da snow ... ya getting 8 inches of da FRAWST BITE IN YA ASS /

^ lmfao guy

I can agree with this, thanks for your input.