|
ATT 2018 ROUND 2: Writer 2 vs Writer 3 [Writer 2 wins via no-show]
Writer 2 vs. Writer 3 Rules Verses are due by Sunday, February 25th at 11:59 PM Eastern (GMT-5). Verses must be sent to NOBLE via Private Message. There are NO EXTENSIONS. Verses must be 20-30 lines long. Voting is 3-0 KO or First to 5. Writer numbers will be changed every round. Check your PM to find out which number you are for the round. Topic https://pre00.deviantart.net/cd6b/th...ax-dax22eg.png |
Writer 2 -Miasma- Beware of the Imp’s intoxicating speech (His lungs exude an artisan poison). Stay wary of its far, indoctrinating reach, For it invades your heart and employs it. He groans a skulking vaporous stimulant. Condensing to a stream of seduction, It begins as a serpentine rivulet, And grows into a sea of corruption. It’s an attractively perfumed suggestion. Infectiously pestilent, sweet, malicious... By inhalation, or through ingestion, It spreads a sickness that seems delicious. Do not ignore that sensation in your chest (The indicator of iniquity). The flash of preconceived guilt within your breast Can be lost in distant antiquity. Known to me now only after the carnage Is this wretched beast of evil temptation. A pawn in the scheme of his masterful harvest, I have secured my fate of certain damnation. He had breathed into my mind that miasmic gas. I listened to the whispers -heeded the commands- From my conscience he kept my actions masked. The murders were a tasty, mischievious romance. As I crouch among the strewn human wreckage And as my conscience now becomes the witness, In retrospect I can view the presage, But it is much too late. I've succumbed to sickness. |
Writer 3 did not submit an entry by the deadline and is thus disqualified. Writer 2 wins automatically. I'm leaving this as "open for votes" so he can receive feedback since he worked and put in some effort to craft this verse. So please leave feedback/critique. I will come back and drop my own soon.
|
An interesting piece. The most obvious interpretation, to me, is a person drawn by drug addiction into committing crimes, but I suppose the causal agent could just as well be interpreted as psychosis or ideological extremism. Whatever the case, I enjoyed the intellectual metaphoricity, but not the execution. This topical had a poetic feel to it, but didn't succeed at actually being poetry because of the poor scansion. It was more than slightly metrically awkward, which has to be avoided in topicals, especially when you take the poetic route. The vocabulary might have been too complex for a lot of readers on here, though not for me.
Just some food for thought. |
thought one focused too much on sounding intricate which unfortunately made the piece dull. Held my attention for 2-3 paragraphs. Also, use of brackets are weird in these pieces considering they only contain info not essential to the main story.. ultimately meaning it doesnt have to be read, and if one decides to skip the bracketed lines, it fucks up the flow.
|
I thought this was interesting. A bit flowery with the vocabulary, which is not a bad thing, but possibly perceived as overdone in the sense that it can detract from the narrative a bit depending on the reader. I guess a better way of positing that comment is that it felt slow to start due to some expounding, but I do feel it eventually picked up all the aspects of the topic image. Hope the feedback makes sense. (Big words are hard to read unless your Shodan ;) )
|
| All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:07 PM. |
Powered by vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.