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ATT 2018 ROUND 1: Writer 4 vs Writer 10 (Writer 10 wins via no-show)
Writer 4 vs. Writer 10 Rules Verses are due by Thursday, February 8th at 11:59 PM Eastern (GMT-5). Verses must be sent to NOBLE via Private Message. There are NO EXTENSIONS. Verses must be 20-30 lines long. Voting is 3-0 KO or First to 5. Writer numbers will be changed every round. Check your PM to find out which number you are for the round. Topic http://i66.tinypic.com/iodb3t.png |
Writer 10 I refuse to carry the torch, but I still wear the clothes The torch was more than just a guiding light That defied the night by providing sight. It was hatred fueled determination -A burning agent which spurned a nation- Designed to divide by lies, pride and spite. The garb was far more than a simple uniform It was a lineage, older than cuneiform. An extension of skin representing your kin, And projecting the sinful intentions within, To adorn the pedigree with which you were born. I used to think this is what I was forced to be By my family, who had passed the torch to me. I gave my life to a fiery circle of souls And unmerciful roles in the purposeful goals Of heritage so evil, it would scorch the sea. At first it was not my actions, just my speech, But I soon began to practice what I preached. From mild derision to vile and driven- I murdered the men and defiled the women, Attacking any other faction in my reach. Stalking prey in the field, so somber and tired, I was stricken with guilt. I was no longer inspired. The blood lust that used to come to me was smothered. Suddenly alone while in company of brothers, My heart was desperate to conquer the fire. I snuffed out the torch's vicious, steely flame. The hate was gone, but the history remained. The sum of aggression, alpha to sigma Had dressed me in a palpable stigma. I repent! Still... My victims feel the same. |
Writer 4 did not submit an entry by the deadline and is thus disqualified. Writer 10 wins automatically. I'm leaving this as "open for votes" so he can receive feedback since he worked and put in some effort to craft this verse. So please leave feedback/critique. I will come back and drop my own soon.
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I got the feel that the piece was in the perspective of someone in a group who do bad things, someone who committed acts only to have regret for them. It was a good but obvious approach on the picture at hand,
Some vocab wasn't used effectively in this piece and the rhyme scheme was odd, but at least was consistent. |
The almost formulaic rhyme scheme was an interesting touch. The structure reminded me of something I might read in a literature class. It might be a bit too stifling in terms of readability for some people, but I thought you carried it well. I could bitch about the relatively low syllable count and the one multi I thought was awkward ("alpha to sigma"... is there some reference there that I'm missing?) but that would be disingenuous considering how readable this verse was.
As for how you incorporated the topic itself, I thought it was excellent. I can understand the idea of someone being born into a bad group like the KKK, and only after they're well into adulthood and have already done more than a few dirty deeds understand the evils of said group. The last line actually elicited an emotional reaction from me, which topicals rarely do. I'd give this verse as a whole 8.5/10. Quote:
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Quote:
i did have a hunch though; feed still stands |
Tha writer, in terms of his topic, added that twist of being born into something wrong and quickly becoming what they didn't want to become. E.g. "who had passed the torch to me.
I gave my life to a fiery circle of souls" --> this was a stand out for me, for incorporating that he was initially being forced to do this when really he was using tha fire as a guidance for himself. Tha whole write-up was nicely written, a bit sketchy in some parts, but overall it was really good. Shame tha opponent didn't turn up. |
This was beautifully written. The AABBA rhyme scheme was very pleasant to read and flowed elegantly. Very effective imagery and descriptive adjectives made the story beefy, yet easy to follow. The theme of hour verse was a very literally interpretation of the topic but with a slight twist of remorse and guilt. I thought it was clever in it's own way. I can't really find much to critique you on as I didn't expect to read anything like this. The only thing is the "simple uniform/ cuneiform" rhyme was a tad off (to me.) Good luck in the next round, sorry your opponent didn't post; albeit you would have more than likely won regardless.
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Felt this piece really flowed well without being too focused on the rhyming patterns to where it took away from the verse itself. Took a bit of a different approach from the original thoughts I had on the picture (at first glance, it looked like Native American Teepees), but I was able to really get in to the story that was being told and the sense of remorse that the subject. Really well put together piece.
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I thought this was really dope. I especially liked how you sort of invented your own limerick AABBA style of 5-line stanzas, probably the most structure I've seen anyone use thus far. Your approach toward the topic was interesting and unique. Prior to reading this, I hadn't even noticed that one of the hooded figures wasn't bearing a torch. Your piece brought focus to that aspect, which could be easy to overlook.
When I first saw the image, what stood out to me the most was the fact that they appear to be standing in a cotton field, which is where slaves worked, but there were no slaves in sight, or were there? I probably would've taken the approach that the hooded figures were the actual slaves, enslaved by their own hatred...or something along those lines. The piece conveyed a lot of emotion. Not much imagery though, and the vocab was decent. Overall, you did a great job! |
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