Critique my battle verses
 

This was directed towards a Muslim girl:

"You lack the confidence to raise a child, let alone be a mother
So you never show your face cuz Muslim women go undercover"

"FYI, this isn't Annie, this is Osama Bin Laden's daughter
That's ok U.S Marines, i'll be the one to initiate slaughter"

Qur'an 5:46/47 says that the Torah is revered, that's no longer a mystery!
Callin' my religion fantasy, but mine came first, better learn your own history!"

"I'm a terrible person, that's why Christ died and for that, i'm proud of him above
He poured his blood for my soul, a shame Allah never showed you the same love!"

"I am slowly elevating to the never ending state of aesthetic face of God forever to be praised
While you are condescending to the ever offending reality that Muhammad is dead in his grave!"

"Yes i was hurtful, but your beloved prophet is dead and in a decaying bodily prison! Yours never ascended to heaven, i am forgiven of mine by the holy one who is risen!"

IMO, nobody wants to hear about religion in lyrics. Maybe a few. Lol

If it was like a "diss their religion concept" it'd be nice...it's definitely personal, but as oSo said...most people would lose interest imo

So you suggest mixing it up with other concepts?

Well if that's how long the entire battle is...yeah. If it's like just a section of a much larger battle than it's cool...You don't want any 1 concept to be the entire base of your battle verse, unless of course those are the rules or something

Step 1.) Don't be a bigoted prick.

Step 2.) Find peace.

Step 3.) ????

Step 4.) Prophet.

One syllable multis are quite basic, and when you have multis that use only the prefix/suffix of the word to rhyme, such as "mother" and "undercover," they become quite unimpactful. Try to stray away from these tyeps of rhymes in the verse, really; "daughter" and "slaughter," "mystery" and "history" etc etc. They look basic, because they are fairly basic. Unless you can attach a solid ass punch to the end of a 3 syllable multi, it's probably going to be throwaway material.

I have a pre-written lesson on multi creation & fluidity polishing if you want to see. Feel free to PM me.

I think you're digging too far into the concept, beyond the multi issues. A battle should colorfully display your rap-ability through the execution of Punchlines, flow, multis, concepts, etc. When you restrict yourself to one single concept, i.e. the opponents religion, it closes a lot of those doors and forces you to work within a confined space creatively instead of just free roaming anything to deconstruct your opponents character.


In the future, try limiting your concepts down to bar-by-bar ideas. Deconstruct someone's religion with one bar, and add a fire punch to it, and you're going to be seen as a far better writer than if you spend the entire battle on it with no punches.

But you've got the baseline grasp of single syllable multis down, so you can definitely improve from here. Wasn't terrible in any sense, just a little strayed from what most people do on here.

ITT Babylon (one of the smarter guys here) not knowing what a syllable is.

The fuck us going on here?

^if only you knew how blazed i am right now


editing, lol.

ITT not knowing ITT should be in OP