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LBTT March: Ill Phenom vs Insuppressible
@Ill Phenom vs @Insuppressible Verses are due Friday, March 13th. Verses are to be posted in THIS thread. There are NO EXTENSIONS. Verses must be 20-30 lines long. Vote deductions will happen for people going over. Voting is 3-0 KO, 3-1 TKO or first to 5. Topic: http://i.imgur.com/7JaaULb.jpg |
A Soulless Parallell I was murdered in cold blood, bludgeoned and stabbed A vengeful spirit that was only summoned by wrath Walking amongst the living life but mixed with the aftermath With Ghastly human souls and demons that try to gap my path But I was focused, following the blood trails left by the victims Each one that was murdered floated into system, stood by me in rhythm We entered the crime scenes, transparent to the world Seen the horrific murders of these boys and girls I couldn't remember who did this, but I needed acknowledgement I needed to find this pure evil, this soulless life and abolish it Take it with me, so these demons can drag it to the depths of hell The breath I smelt... ugh I could still feel the pain from the death I felt Each murder was terrible, brains splattered through revealing halls Hearing metal scrape the bones and the screaming through the building walls Intestines leaking fluid, pupils on the tongue of each person And under each curtain was a room full of blood that reeked urine But those scared minds and souls, join me for vengeance We eventually found our lead and heard a location mentioned The search felt like it was endless, but we arrived at the entrance Their stood a body curled up, stripped down in attendance I couldn't help but to notice the striking resemblance The same dark hair, the birth mark on the back Memories coming back to me, my mind was being attacked I clutched my head, trying to get rid of the thoughts I was going in insane, but I knew I needed to finish the job I clutched this body, and sunk into the fiery pitt I could feel the revenge in my heart quietly lift Then crash and consume me, like I was thrown into a vessel When I finally came too... It was just me?? Alone with the devil!! |
Lost in the Illness The dense jungle is just a metaphor of my mind. It's shrouded, I can’t see ahead or make a decision everything is clouded, I’ve been runnin for miles but no escape from the voices, My names being called but i cant explain all my choices I must be connected, it's something hereditary, They've been pulling me in and it's not discretionary So what is this confusion? I'm not thinkin clear, And my actions have taken me to place that's bringin fear I huddle up, hands on head. lets focus, As i dwell on my thoughts, my head opens, Yet i feel twisted w/o my neck broken, But 'hear' i am, surrounded by the power, with explosions of emotions What's that? Hands slidin down the glass, the sound of pain & sorrow, What have i done? I've brought upon some sort of heinous quarrel, I use my mind to shut the doors behind me, The fog still blocks any sight, so i'm in here blindly At least i got the comfort of an enclosed space, I'm begininn to learn to control in this remote place But when darkness settles in, the walls fade in like i'm imprisoned in dungeons, However, amongst these feelins i still feel like i'm conditioned for something The voices and racquet have subsided, but now i'm havin hallucinations, I feel the land beneath my feet fall in, it's a whole new invasion The doors open behind me, i shudder in fear, ...A lone figure, lookin deep in to my soul, sensin the sufferin here Then, a sudden sense of comfort, no more destructive twists like a tornado, When i look back, this figure got a lords halo When the figure began to talk, his voice echoed as he mentioned don't "get so edgy bud, these delusional ideologies are just symptoms of schizophrenia" It all makes sense, fear isn’t needed. I just had to acknowledge that I’m in need for some treatment. |
Ill Phenom: I felt like your verse had a nice flow going along with the story you chose to go with here, but I also felt that in some places, the switching of rhymes schemes from larger to smaller schemes hurt the flow and the pace I had going in my head, so I would say, in the future, be wary of that as it could possibly effect the tone of your verse, as well.
Insuppressible: I liked the angle that you were going with here, but I feel that you had the same issues as Phe in a lot of spots in your verse. I wasn't a big fan of some of the vocabulary used in some spots, either, as I felt that really threw off the flow of your verse and made it more difficult for you to get it back. Overall, I feel this was a fairly solid topical battle. Both knew what they were doing here and did fairly well with the topic given, but I feel like it ultimately comes down to the strength in which both ended their verses because I felt ones ending resonated more so than the others did, which is not discrediting one, but it could have been made to be stronger. My Winner Is: @Ill Phenom |
enjoyed this battle , both had more good than bad points as lock has already stated , but for me one just edged it with a better twist and slightly better wording . so my vote goes to @ILLphenom .
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I liked both of these a lot. Ins had a better flow and definitely wrote a more recordable piece if you were to read both of these out loud. I read his start to finish and was able to follow it easily where IP kinda switched up syllable counts a bit and it threw off the pattern Id had started to follow. Ins was solid all the way though...created a narrative and really painted a picture of a person in need of help. once I figured out that IP was going to take the body he came upon back to being the first person narrator, I was hoping he'd close it out well and he did. Solid. Tough vote....but I think a strong finish beat a steady performance. +1 Ill Phenom.
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Closed, congrats ill phenom
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added
tbm |
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