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LBTT March: NOBLE vs Dean

Verses are due Friday, March 13th.
Verses are to be posted in THIS thread.
There are NO EXTENSIONS.
Verses must be 20-30 lines long.
Vote deductions will happen for people going over.
Voting is 3-0 KO, 3-1 TKO or first to 5.

Topic:

http://i.imgur.com/m9fAOTH.png

Rough fur, dirty paws,
and yellow eyes that glistened.
From a teenage boy,
to a wolf in a minute
Necessary transformation,
but problematical decision
This is the Legend of Zelda: and the Twilight Princess

Fire to his engine: princess Zelda in a dungeon
Link had to save her now,
destined to be the toughest
magical power allowed him to turn in to the roughest-
Creature on earth, guided by his mental compass
He killed off enemies,
blood cold as some Hennessy
Had it racing from his mouth,
fur stiff in ten degrees
He made to the princess, with life threatening injuries
But he was met by a site, and the princess was in a tree-
Hanging by her neck.....
Link thought "you gotta be kidding me"

Once the crowd had dispersed, she appeared through the mist/
Who'd have missed a wretched soul living in a cruel abyss?/
She came to savour the moment, watch him swing in the trees/
Was beaming with glee when he was giving his pleas/
She would have been content if they had shot or gassed him/
But when they noosed his neck, she near had an orgasm/
His weakness had been the fact he was enamoured/
She laid a trap, led him to the barn, and there she clamoured/
When men came to help, she claimed she was violated/
She said so to see that he was annihilated/
Now the plan had worked and he's nothing but a scarecrow /
In the valley of death where most folks wouldn't dare go/
The world would swear her innocence, but we know the truth/
A talismanic moonlight lets us behold the youth.../
...In her true light, from her lips flowed the blood of innocence/
Her eyes betrayed her reasons, but it made no sense/
The wolf in sheep's clothing has shed her fleece forever/
Town lynched a good man, his mistress is filled with pleasure/
Once the crowd had dispersed, she appeared through the mist/
Who'd have missed a wretched soul living in a cruel abyss?/

Dean: I mean...it wasn't bad conceptually but it could've been way better for a topical. More connections w/ the image would have been better, and perhaps a bit more depth would've helped out.

Noble: Nice topic. Your approach was interesting. I didn't like your "orgasm" concept thought it was quite contradicting w/ the whole tone of your verse. Other than that the storytelling was compelling, vocab was diverse & multies were on point. "Her eyes Betrayed her reason" & the bar before that were nice metaphors. Looking forward to reading more from you

Overall: Let down w/ Deans topical. Wasn't horrible, it just need more depth & connections to the image. Noble had a nice piece w/ metaphors & storytelling

MVGT: Noble.

i felt like both could of connected to the pic a lot better, one did more so than the other , for the other didnt have anything relevant aside from the first two lines. Vocab was dingy on that end too. Thought this was an easy battle to determine the winner.

Noble

Dean: I felt like your piece lacked originality to be perfectly honest. I felt like you first you described the actual artwork, then you introduced characters from an already established video game, then in the very next scene you have one try to save the other but it didn't feel real enough to be taken seriously. I would've liked for you to creatively interpret the picture in a story that didn't encompass any known subjects and given us more details.

NOBLE: Overall I liked your style of storytelling, especially with the elevated vocabulary but I felt like it wasn't concise enough all though I did enjoy the metaphors you chose to use. I just felt like it could've been clearer why she did what she did besides shedding her innocence.

Overall: I liked both pieces but I felt like this was pretty one sided to be honest. Both have room to improve but there was a clear winner here with the most creative and more defined piece.

Vote: NOBLE

closed, noble wins , good verses from both