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2013 GC RD.3 - Sean Cron Vs. Dono (Dono Wins 3-0)
Sean Cron Vs Dono This topical is part of the 2013 Topical Grand Championship Rules Verses are due Thursday, December 12th. Verses are to be posted in THIS thread. There are NO EXTENSIONS. Verses must be 20-30 lines long. Vote deductions will happen for people going over. Voting is 3-0 KO, 3-1 TKO or first to 5. Topic "Hypocritical Vindication" |
Hypocritcal Vindication
we got our bags packed for a SIMPLE VACATION, but who coulda known the SHIT WE'D BE FACING was some HYPOCRTICIAL VINDICATION beats are blaring cus we SKIP ALL THE STATIONS, everyones on some SHIT THATS AMAZING "hotboxin a datsun" SPLIFFS LIT AND WE'RE BLAZING, but the "green is scarce" like LIFE IN THE DESERT, it's true we're crooks, but we TRY TO GET WORK, the plan was ASSASINATION and the CAT WE'RE FACING is many LAPS FROM PATIENT, our GATS We're MAKESHIFT, we got them the NIGHT BEFORE THIS, right before we TRYED TO SCORE HITS, and imagined our LIVES AS MORE RICH we followed our target through BERLIN AND TO CHURCH, my stomach cringed, a CHURN AND A LURCH, A preacher was the target and our TURN TO BURST. my whole family would hate me FOR THIS, and I can't act like some else FORCED IT but this whole situation is HORSE SHIT my whole life i asked for RELEASE FROM SINS, yet now I'm planning to be stabbing BENEATH ITS SKIN as the difficulties build and INCREASE WITHIN I'm stuck as fuck in this CRITICAL SITUATION, like a "maze of pixels" in a DIGITAL COMMUNICATION, I'm going insane with blame of HYPOCRITICAL VINDICATION We killed in the church a SYMBOL OF HATING, dealing with reeling from sealing our PITIFUL FATE WHEN the sirens screamed out, fire blazed, PITBULLS CAME IN and we were ripped apart by THREE HEADED BEASTS, but so were THREE TREASURED PRIESTS, and they finally got the RELEASE THEY HAD SEEKED!! |
Hypocritical Vindication In Court (Today) David looked too complacent for the charges at hand On the ropes, lost in hopes of options since damned They'd said their sentiments, set a clear body of evidence Had the defendant's points painted as haughty and nebulous Obviously he was guilty, built these drug empires Ran up something higher than the thugs and liars The judge spoke slowly, tongue broke coldly the silence Crowd's imaginations ran, re-showing his violence "I know you've been waiting for this statement but since new evidence has just been found the case is dismissed!" Shock shot around the scene, several people loudly screamed David simply smiled, it all had happened how he dreamed The Day Before "Your honor, we have something to present that's relevant Something you haven't considered, the last element" "Very well, bring it forth, and what could be the source? The case won't change unless this item swings some force" The lawyer slid a small black box across the table Unmarked or labeled which no one saw as fatal More important was what got slipped in underhand Several stacks of green bills worth at least a hundred grand In Court (Today) Awe still rippled through the crowd as police entered the room Turns out it never was David being sent to his doom Cops ran to the judge with cuffs, put a gun to his chest With thunderous zest screaming 'you're under arrest!' "We thought you were corrupt see how you blatantly lie This was a string operation to catch you taking a bribe!" |
I kinda liked the rhyme scheme of Cron's verse, but it was posted with battle structure.
I liked the vocab on dono's verse. and the flow as nice, also liked the story... but if you guys are going to "edit" the verses make sure everything is correct. Cron's, I'm not sure if he edited it to Cap the rhymes or what?..but the caps don't need to be there. Dono's I don't know for sure why he edited his, but could of went over 1 more time and checced spelling.. I.E. The last line says "String" operation, I think it's meant to say "Sting" But on some real shit, good shit from both...I had to go with dono though, I liked his flow and vocab and just the all around premise of what he was going with. Voted, Fair. |
One's topical I felt was extremely convoluted and was switching the main plot from one thing to another far too much for my liking. I did like the rhyming structure, but I felt that it was too strict to adhere to at times and the topical didn't really flow like it should have.
Other's topical I felt stuck to it's plot better and the story had me hooked in the whole entire way through because of it. Rhyming was more fluid and less of a regimented rhyme structure. Overall, Dono gets my nod here. |
Sean Cron: nice drop my G. I think you Multi usage was real strong all throughout the verse. But I didn't really see a clear cut connection to your Topic. Your premise was decent, the whole assassination thing. But you left a lot of questions: was it murder for hire? Was this his first target? Who was Vindicated? If he felt bad about Killing the priest, why did he stab him?... I guess that was supposed to be the hypocritical part, right? It's like, I see the puzzle pieces, but I can't piece it together.
Dono: I like the whole court room scenario. I actually did the same thing in my Topical. Unfortunately my opponent no showed & it went to waste. You rhyme scheme wasn't as complex as your opponent, but your imagery was better. I felt like I was in that Court-room & saw the Judge getting cuffed. Nice little plot twist at the end too, I like the misdirection with the Guilty Drug Dealer. I think you did a better job incorporating the "Hypocritical Vindication" topic too. You used the corrupt Judge as your Hypocritical component. He's supposed to uphold the law & gets caught taking illegal bribes. How can he prosecute criminals when he is one himself? Good cops & victims of the wrongfully sentenced feel Vindication. So I'm gonna have to give you some extra points for that. Vote: Dono |
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