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2013 GC: RD1 - LOGiKK Vs Phroxen - (Phroxen Wins 3-0)
LOGiKK Vs Phroxen This topical is part of the 2013 Topical Grand Championship Rules Verses are due Friday, November 8th. Verses are to be posted in THIS thread. There are NO EXTENSIONS. Verses must be 20-30 lines long. Vote deductions will happen for people going over. Voting is 3-0 KO, 3-1 TKO or first to 5. Topic The Deep Blue Sea |
The Deep Blue Sea..
Dark Figure In The Water, What Could It Be...? Swiftly Gliding With Force, In This Dark... Gloomy, Deep Blue Sea. It Silently Lurks, Awaiting To Strike. Shark Eyes Quickly Jurk.. Wanting A Fight, Waiting To Devour Aquatic Movement, In This Silent Night... As The Sun Rises, The Water Will Heat.. The Wind Will Blow, As Slight Ripples And Waves Begin To Meet, The Fin Emerges, Showing A Desire For Meat.. Suddenly, The Brute Shadow Sub-Sides, As It Withers Down Deep. Noticing The Prey, It Will Begin To Violently Creep.. Over-Whelming The Unfortunate, As It Begins To Silently Weep. The Blue Sea Becomes Vividly Red, The Blood Will Seep, As The Humble Beast Subdue's His Territory.. Crunching The Target With Razor Sharp Teeth, Basking Above The Cold Ocean, With One Victorious Leep. The Splash Daunts The Creatures Below, As The Righteous Beast Surmounts The Sea Surface.. And It's Features Bestow, The Radiant Glistening Skin Reflects From The Sun, As The Raining Spears Whistle, Raining Below. Fearless With Pride, It Fleetly Kicks..Side to Side. Fighting For His Life, On This Endless Stride. As The Roar Is Shunned, Its Pride Comes To A Hault... The Almighty Deep Dweller's Furious Motions Have Now Become Stunned. The Sky Darkens, The Spears Cease. The Water Calms As The Aquatic World Begins To Feel Peace. Still Today, People Will Ask, "Do You Remember That Horrific Task?" The World May Never Know, The World May Never See, The One True Story.. Of The Dark Hearted Beast, Found At The Bottom Of The Great, Deep Blue Sea... |
Nice one here.. lets see how Phroxen does..
---------- Post added at 08:31 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:30 AM ---------- Wait.. is it Phroxen or Phenom? @UnEtH ?? Check the thread title.. |
he aint even show up for it..
waddup with some info @UnEtH |
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lol logikk was jumping the gun a bit with that shoutout to eth
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The Deep Blue Sea
"You'll still be the same person!" explained Merlin.. after one wand wave & a charade of stray murmurs. My frame: nervous. "WAIT! My legs ain't workin!" Now surrounded by a swarm of spells, it rained cursive. I blacked out, then awoke.. covered in liquid. Looked to my sides & seen a coupla fins with adjustable digits. A sudden craving for worms like they're somethin delicious & an urge to search for someone to swim with. I plunged deeper.. passing by bottles & loose change.. trinkets that mindless humans toss in the blue bay.. No clue who's soon to be gobbled & who's safe - went from the top of the food chain to a topping at food chains. Approached a corner nervously, then peeked around a bit & decided to hide behind a decent crowd of fish. Furious wiggling propelled my miniature scales such distances I thought my tail fin was an engine itself. Almost there.. then the school floods in my direction with no stop signs to quiet the thunder-like congestion. I've gotta muster up enough of my aggression to avoid these jolting figures so I can rush & find an exit. But it was too late.. the swarm coursed toward. A smorgasbord forcin this four-inch fish overboard. Drifted down & crashed against the coral floor.. assorted flora sores now attached to my form & core. Forced to paddle with one side.. my right fin's jacked.. this staggered pattern will make me a nice quick snack. A few broken ribs ache at my side.. the aqueous life is too dangerous, I've.. gotta find a place I can hide. I hit rock bottom & made it a bed.. not wasting a breath coz I don't know how much anguish is left. Never trust wizards - I shouldn't have taken the step.. coz the same place I awoke is the final place that I slept. |
Upping
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LOGiKK: I just googled to see if you bit this, so there's your compliment. Although I didn't find myself gripped into the story, I was VERY impressed with how you are instantaneously using lots of different aspects of the more difficult poetic side of writing. You had alliterating and assonance rocking throughout, imagery was flowing. You did a great job here. I'd suggest formatting it in the other style in future, as the battle box stuff doesn't make it look as good. This was a solid drop though man and I hope to see you sticking around the section.
Phroxen: I'm going to be honest, I was lost in the story a few words in. But it didn't really hold this piece back. You've done what almost every high level text battler does in moving to topicals, and that's bring a very high level of lyricism into your piece. You managed to carry your story, not straying at all, yet maintaining impressive rhyme schemes, which was good to see. There was some good signs of imagery in there, but I really don't think this will be close to a full account of how good you will be if you stick to these. This seems like you might have not really felt it when writing, so I think you'll be crazy dope if you get something you're into. (Also, I'm letting you off posting less lines because you could easily break up a few of your lines for more space) Overall, this was a surprisingly close battle. LOG brought some better poetic aspects, but Phroxen was miles ahead in lyricism. I enjoyed reading one a bit more, and so I'm leaning that way. Phroxen Gets my Vote |
Logikk: Not bad here. You had a good flow and a lot of elements a topical need. I liked the way you built up the shark as hunter only to flip the script at the end. I felt the story could have been cleaned up a little but overall not bad.
Phroxen: Dope flow and rhymes throughout as has been pretty much expected of you at this point. The wizard turns you into a fish thing was a little out of left field but like EtH said, that wasn't as detracting from the verse as it would have been if the other aspects weren't so dope. This was a really fun read and therefore My vote goes to Phroxen. |
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