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ATT ROUND 2: Writer 3 Vs Writer 14 - (Writer 3 Wins 3-0)
Writer 3 Vs Writer 14 This topical is part of the Anonymous Topical Tournament Rules There is just one topic this week; the picture. Verses are due Saturday, June 29th. Verses are to be sent to EtH via Private Message. There are NO EXTENSIONS. Verses must be 30-40 lines long. In voting, 3-0 is a KO, otherwise, it is first to 5. Picture http://showyour.name/wp-content/gall...and-robot2.jpg |
Writer 3 http://showyour.name/wp-content/gall...and-robot2.jpg Digital Love This is no heart-warming story, it’s pitiful stuff The tale of my fall into Digital Love Aged 13, fresh faced, feeling awkward and daft My girl saw the small size of my Pork Sword and laughed I ran to my bedroom, embarrassed, forlorn And found my safe refuge in internet porn My young teen eyes boggled at motions of flesh At perma-tanned asses all lotioned and fresh One hand on my dick and one hand on my mouse I shot my first load, as he shot in her mouth. The next day, again, and again and some more Eventually every girl seemed like a whore Technology merged with my dark adolescence The cum soaked my keyboard, no stark evanescence. For seven long years, not a human hand touched me Addicted to porn like a man with a crutch, see The thing that supported me, made me feel worse I saw visions of loneliness, sexual curse. Then up popped a pop-up that solved all my dreams A scenario thought of and planned up it seems By an all-seeing eye who answered my prayers A robotic woman to fuck without cares. It’s programmed to grind when you give ‘On’ a nudge Literally technically unable to judge Won’t cry or be needy or beg for caresses Just switch off when finished, a few button presses. But here, ten years later, with her in my bed Electrical shocks scar my penis’s head I’m in need of an upgrade, I need a new patch To download some life to that cyber-dry snatch. In winter the nodes and the wires in her belly freeze Hate the sight of her red and green nipples-slash- LEDs I can’t buy her no apps, that costs more than my Love affords Thinking ‘Is it incest to jerk on your own Motherboards?’ Think back seventeen years, my first sight of that skin The pulsating peach writhing, smelling of sin I see my morbid reflection in her dead metal eye Enter the Pass for her pussy, and let out a sigh. Vs Writer 14 http://showyour.name/wp-content/gall...and-robot2.jpg "God > Man > Machine > God" "Genesis" When life started, things were simple and pure, No disease, no famine, no whimpers, or hurt. God was almighty, before sinners were birthed, But he was betrayed by three little words. "Eat the Apple" "Exodus" The Apple was bitten, the world would swirl and thrust, God's heart hurt to pump, he was hurt by love, The atmosphere roared, animals struggled to run, Man I had no idea, God shed a tear, the world would flood. "Birth of Democracy" Over the years God watched Man, full of knowledge, Even ways to enhance our mind through schools and college, Kingdoms became Nations, Rulers allotted, By the people, for the people, grand laws in, Old rules abolished. "The Telephone" Inventions were spouting, some passed, other straight up failed, But the most noticeable of the era was the phone, By Alexander Graham Bell. This was the start of a Godless time, God took in a breath and muttered "Man has fell". "1970's, The Computer Boom" Technology was booming, church was dying, Computers popped up, so was the hurt, the crying, We were up in the skies with our creations, But oh so ignorant, and blinded.... "2000's, Absence of God" People ask where God has been, honest confusion, But the problem is they didn't pray when asking, They were on their computers.... God is refusing to stop the pollution, He gave us free will, we chose and forgot what the truth is.... "Exodus II" Robots and artificial life will come, Replacing spouses and replacing God, Virtual worlds replacing houses, faking loss, The world outside cry's and weeps, God also cry's and weeps, Because he knows history goes full circle and often repeats. He stares down on a once beautiful creation, And before he ends the very thing he loves most, He looks over, and acknowledges he's losing to satan. "You've proven me wrong Lucifer, man has not changed" Satan responds, "They are in love with MY world, your dream have lost their way" God stepped back, and let the world burn to ashes, We blame God but, it was our words that acted, And showed our stirless actions. But we should of saw the coming with all our knowledge, But the world dies, and we fall to darkness..... |
Writer 3: Gonna start off and say that I enjoyed the whole verse. Although half way through I was expecting a little more of the "Love for Digital/Technology", but instead you went to following the exact picture (the more obvious approach). But, nonetheless, it was a very nice job from start to finish building up to the point of getting the robotic woman to describing the masturbation and the sex with the robot. There were many humorous lines and the drop flowed smoothly all the way through reading it. Very very tough verse to beat. You made me as the reader want to keep my eyes on it from start to finish, each line said a lot, but was also short and simple, which made it much easier to follow and understand. Great drop. Propz.
Writer 14: I enjoyed reading your piece also. I liked how you wrote out each face. The flow was decent, couple iffy spots, but it still worked. I didn't think the approach you brought fully worked with the picture. Your concept added way to much onto what was really a simple picture. In a nut shell, your main theme was the fall of mankind because of technology, however, you only mentioned technology a few times. I understand that you brought that part out from the picture, but I feel your topic could have been much more related to the picture than just the technological part. Another thing is imagery, I think you could have added a bit more in that department also. The vocab was good though. Overall: This would have been a great picture to write a satire verse, but I enjoyed reading both of your drops in this battle. Aside, from the more on topic issue, I think writer 3 had a better all around drop in every area. That is not to say Writer 14's drop was any bit bad. I just felt in this battle Writer 3 came with an outstanding verse. Great job. My Vote: Writer 3 |
i think both were a tad inconsistent with the rhyming. writer 14 was more profound to me, writer 3 was just on the surface. Both writers created images in my noggin but writer 3's piece made an image that was closer to the topic image.
3>14 |
I can see that this battle can go either way..... Comedy vs Deep....
Writer 3 Your story was funny and alarming at the same time...lol... It flowed well and was simple to follow overall. Your flow was more consistent. Writer 14 It's obvious that this is a interesting concept but the major flaw in it though is the fact that you took so long just to talk about the robot.. The story telling was nice I don't think the flow was a solid. The rhyme scheme wasn't consistent enough. Vote Writer 3 |
Writer 3 WINS 3-0
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Writer 14: Enfinite
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Bump for formatting.
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added
3 tbc |
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