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Stoic(Work In Progress.)
I'll be editing this periodically until it's finished. Trying to shake off the rust for the topical tournament.
There's been a travesty lately... It saddens me greatly to inform you that you've been living in apathy, hazy, gasping and waving with happiness fading. You see, I'm a great Stoic Philosopher... Not caring is my hideous name, shackled by my obsessive nature I've lived in a cage. My limited days dwindling, gray. A wall of indifference separating me from victims of plagues, sick in a crazed innocent way. Idiots pray while I simply scribble the phrase: "Is morality immoral?" From an ethical standpoint? Eh, it's a bland coy... There's no right, or wrong etched into man's joints. "To be or not to be?" Lips licked, it was said in a damp voice. It's the root of all evil, embedded, a damned choice, because either way...? Well, read the play. Two tickets to see the stage greed has paved on the road to redemption. The seasons change, it's colder in winter. Hopeless renditions of romantic wisdom by roaches and insects. The war between good and evil, but no one surrenders. |
I like where youre going, the rhyme is nice, you might need to sacrifice some of that to create a better visual... to paint a better picture, that all stems from the diction, also to create a better storyline.....
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The story line is there, it just isn't finished yet. It all ties into morality, and right or wrong. It'll become more clear as it's pieced together.
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If your thread ends up getting closed you can post your links in the following thread if you would like your thread re opened for further feedback. www.letsbeef.com/forums/showthread.php?t=124093 |
http://www.letsbeef.com/forums/showthread.php?t=123469
http://www.letsbeef.com/forums/showthread.php?t=121792 ---------- Post added at 05:50 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:42 PM ---------- @Just C was responding to Erupt my free bump for the day? |
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