Critique my battle verses
 

This was directed towards a Muslim girl:

"You lack the confidence to raise a child, let alone be a mother
So you never show your face cuz Muslim women go undercover"

"FYI, this isn't Annie, this is Osama Bin Laden's daughter
That's ok U.S Marines, i'll be the one to initiate slaughter"

Qur'an 5:46/47 says that the Torah is revered, that's no longer a mystery!
Callin' my religion fantasy, but mine came first, better learn your own history!"

"I'm a terrible person, that's why Christ died and for that, i'm proud of him above
He poured his blood for my soul, a shame Allah never showed you the same love!"

"I am slowly elevating to the never ending state of aesthetic face of God forever to be praised
While you are condescending to the ever offending reality that Muhammad is dead in his grave!"

"Yes i was hurtful, but your beloved prophet is dead and in a decaying bodily prison! Yours never ascended to heaven, i am forgiven of mine by the holy one who is risen!"

IMO, nobody wants to hear about religion in lyrics. Maybe a few. Lol

If it was like a "diss their religion concept" it'd be nice...it's definitely personal, but as oSo said...most people would lose interest imo

So you suggest mixing it up with other concepts?

Well if that's how long the entire battle is...yeah. If it's like just a section of a much larger battle than it's cool...You don't want any 1 concept to be the entire base of your battle verse, unless of course those are the rules or something

Step 1.) Don't be a bigoted prick.

Step 2.) Find peace.

Step 3.) ????

Step 4.) Prophet.

One syllable multis are quite basic, and when you have multis that use only the prefix/suffix of the word to rhyme, such as "mother" and "undercover," they become quite unimpactful. Try to stray away from these tyeps of rhymes in the verse, really; "daughter" and "slaughter," "mystery" and "history" etc etc. They look basic, because they are fairly basic. Unless you can attach a solid ass punch to the end of a 3 syllable multi, it's probably going to be throwaway material.

I have a pre-written lesson on multi creation & fluidity polishing if you want to see. Feel free to PM me.

I think you're digging too far into the concept, beyond the multi issues. A battle should colorfully display your rap-ability through the execution of Punchlines, flow, multis, concepts, etc. When you restrict yourself to one single concept, i.e. the opponents religion, it closes a lot of those doors and forces you to work within a confined space creatively instead of just free roaming anything to deconstruct your opponents character.


In the future, try limiting your concepts down to bar-by-bar ideas. Deconstruct someone's religion with one bar, and add a fire punch to it, and you're going to be seen as a far better writer than if you spend the entire battle on it with no punches.

But you've got the baseline grasp of single syllable multis down, so you can definitely improve from here. Wasn't terrible in any sense, just a little strayed from what most people do on here.

ITT Babylon (one of the smarter guys here) not knowing what a syllable is.

The fuck us going on here?

^if only you knew how blazed i am right now


editing, lol.

ITT not knowing ITT should be in OP

lol I have nothing against muslims, but i just had to use these personals against her.

First off, I'm pretty sure that rap battling is prohibited in Islam (that is, the religion that was taught by Muhammad, not the various rap artists today who do not follow that but rather follow a strange mishmash of various beliefs and likely don't even pray towards Makkah five times a day). Obviously, you can't find the Qur'anic ayah or hadiith that directly states such, since it doesn't exist, but it doesn't exactly take a mujtahid mutlaq - or even a knowledgeable shaykh - to derive this from the sharee'ah, which prohibits nearly all forms of music - not to mention vulgarity. I'm quite curious as to what masjid you went to where this took place - did this occur in California, by any chance?

Alright, now that we have that out of the way:

While this was, overall, a good critique, I have to disagree with what you're stating about three-syllable multies here. What you're saying about rhymes like "mystery"/"history" - rhymes that only include one word - is something that I agree is generally true. However, I don't think there's anything wrong with three-syllable multies that incorporate multiple words; indeed, if you were to carry a three-syllable rhyme scheme for quite a while, it might even become acceptable to throw one-word sets in there to keep it going without creating anything that's wack.

I'm not saying that three-syllable multies are equivalent to longer multies, by any means, but they are certainly usable. Analogically, I would liken it to the difference between a machine gun and a pistol. The machine gun is definitely the more powerful weapon, and you can quickly fire off a bunch of rounds just by holding down the trigger. Your impulsive reaction to that statement might be, "Well, you would only want to have a pistol instead of a machine gun if you were too weak or unskilled to properly handle the high recoil and had to have a smaller weapon," but that just isn't true - a pistol has many advantages over a machine gun in some areas. They're lighter, easier to aim, and not nearly as much of a problem to concealed-carry, as they are smaller (this could be likened to three-syllable multies taking up less space, allowing you to pack more punches and sets into your verse). (Side note: Three syllables is probably the least I would consider to be acceptable at a competitive level for... anything rap-related, really. For the purpose of this weapon analogy, I would think of one or two-syllable multies as a knife, and you should never bring a knife to a gun fight.)

It's true that, in a hypothetical fight between one guy with a machine gun and one guy with a pistol, you would probably want to be the guy with the machine gun unless the guy with the pistol got to start right next to his adversary with the barrel pointed at his (the adversary's) head and his hand on the trigger. By no means does this lead us to the conclusion that a pistol is useless. Let's not forget that machine guns also have a tendency to have many of their bullets miss the target - something which can be clearly analogized to eight-syllable rhyme schemes being full of slanted rhymes - and, in the hands of the greatest sharpshooters, the pistol might just kill the guy with the machine gun before he has a chance to start the spray-n'-pray tactics.

Summary of the above - There's nothing wrong with three-syllable multies in and of themselves. It's the unskilled asshole who is using them that you ought to be concerned about - unless, of course, the schemes are in the hands of an expert battler that can make good use of them, in which case they are equally - or perhaps even more - lethal when compared to longer schemes. There doesn't necessarily have to be a "solid ass punch" within such schemes to make them something other than "throwaway material" - just fluent use of rhyming and something of relevance to whatever is being rapped about, which should exist in all multi sets anyway.

5-3 Vote against me vs Ronin and said i used too many Parenthesis when only the very last word was in them...Did you mean quotation marks? Or do you even know the difference? Congrats, you're officially retarded