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Topical Championship '14 FINAL ROUND. Dono vs Row
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Line limits change sometimes. We still doing 20-30 for the final? @Pugz
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yea @Dono
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In a bad place, hands shake, can't wait I need to move out There's a bomb armed and gunshots in my ears ringing too loud 'Relax, Think, THINK!' My mind cries in fervent desperation Fucked. That's how I would describe my current situation No squad left, they're all dead, just me against two of them Scared to move again, might be more, should I just shoot instead? No. God damn! Can't lose my head metaphoric or literal They won't succeed, must proceed every moment is pivotal Can't be scared now, know the ins and outs of this warehouse Aint the first unfair situation that I've stared down SHIT! A frag grenade flies inches from the bridge of my nose Past me, out the window, has my position been blown!? Tic-tic it explodes, that's enough, roll left on instinct Reaction by reflex, autopilot, no stress is in me Exit cover. There. Tengo spotted, you been bested brother 400 yards, he shoots wildly, definite desperate gunner Raise my rifle, three round burst, can't maintain survival, he's down first Second soldier is there too, shit, I bounce, rebound, swerve But he has learned, bullets tear through crates, IMPACT - made me sober What? Ouch Shit! That grazed my shoulder, no more playing soldier Habit - I feint right, double back left, sneak around the flank; that's check Stand behind him to show off, then one shot steals his last breath Faintly hear a civilian scream at me in the distance But at this point the whole world seems lacking in existence Defuse the bomb, time is short, just need to make one move........ A knife slides into my spine. No!!! I scream out "FUCK YOU!" Round Lose: Game over - Snap back to my room, controller in hand Throw my headset off, couldn't have gotten closer than that Then I hear: "Fuck me? Over just the trash? Nah, boy I'll be upstairs fast Reacting with a cuss like that? You know I'm bout to bust that ass!" |
Your day was stressed. You get home that night and see your babe in bed. TV’s on. You want to engage in sex; so you kiss her face and neck; She says not now; she’s trying to watch The Hunger Games instead...... ......You called her childish because, today, you couldn’t take contempt, and there began a dispute; you stormed to sleep on the couch…crashed; interlude.... ....Your alarm’s back in your room, so you wake up late, ran fast to your room, rushed to get ready for work, got in your van and then zoomed; get pulled over for speeding, got fined, went back on the road and proceeded; Arrived about an hour late, giving no sir a greeting, You forgot the proposal you were going to show for the meeting; ‘Twas a horrible day at work and you look forward to leaving. Had to stay an hour later because you were late, you’re fumed with hate; The cleaners is now closed; can’t pick up your suits today; A driver cuts you off, now you’re too enraged to see that incoming truck and can’t move away BLAM! Your van rolls in a ditched, you’re in a wounded shape as you watch the blood ooze astray and to your ears, the radio was anew and faint.. The voice of a man was amid all the static and din.. his voice sounded taunting, added with whist, said his life is 10% of what has happened to him and the other 90% is how he reacted to it. Your day was stressed. You get home that night and see your babe in bed. TV’s on. You want to engage in sex; so you kiss her face and neck; She says not now; she’s trying to watch The Hunger Games instead...... ......you say okay, kissed your mate and then.. got in bed where you laid and slept.... ....Alarm rings and you awake to find a tray where a plate resides - breakfast from your babe and it tasted fine. You get ready and leave with nothing that stayed behind. Smooth traffic. You arrive at work and gave a “Hi”. Your boss said your proposal’s first-rate, divine; the day went by; you gave good-byes and left and picked up your suits because you came in time. Everything felt okay; alive …until your babe called you and exclaimed, “you’re getting laid tonight!” You’re driving, feeling great inside. The radio’s on and your ears gave way to a nameless guy. The voice of the man was amid all the traffic-esque din. His voice sounded soothing, added with whist, said his life is 10% of what has happened to him and the other 90% is how he reacted to it. |
This was a nice ass topical battle. Now, to the overall dissection of both pieces.
@Dono: I feel your piece was very well put together. The beginning of it made it seem like it was going to be your regular military piece that seems like a cliche life/death scenario where either you kill the person or they kill you. I did like the plot turn at the very end, which I feel added a bit of humor to the piece. You seem to be very good at that and it seems to be your signature way of ending your topicals. I do feel like the flow was stiff in certain places, but, it fit the piece that you put together quite nicely, as you wouldn't expect a topical about a military story to be very easy going and smooth. Overall, I feel you did a great job with this piece. @Row: I feel how you started out each part of the topical with the same stanzas was really a nice tone setter for each piece. The idea for having both scenarios play out was a phenomenal idea, as well. I also felt the ending to each piece was a nice touch as well, showing how both scenarios are tied together in their own, unique way. Overall, this piece was also a job well done. My Winner: @Row. I feel that, with how his verse was put together, that it painted a very vivid picture in my mind of both scenarios, and, in turn, I felt I connected with that piece more so than @Dono's, but only by the slightest margin. My opinion may differ from other voters, but we'll just have to wait and see. Congrats to both on making it here. It was a dope final!! The fair's in. |
Drop your votes!!!
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You both did your thing here, both covered the topic nicely and brought their own twist to it. Dono, like how you made the reader think that was actual action happening, turns out it was a kid playing a game, now his parents about to give him a whooping. Actually puts into perspective how into these games people can get, you always give a nice twist at the end. Personally though, I think your verse before this was a little better this was still great and impressive as always. Row, I like the kind of story you went with, I felt you covered the topic a little better. You brought out the idea that in fact, how you accept or go about something can make or break your day, just based off attitude alone which was cool also. All in all, this was a great battle, maybe you guys lost a little steam because both of you guys blew me away the last 2 rounds and maybe that's my fault for putting the standard bar so high which is sort of unfair. This was a great final, but I got to go with the story that kept me more interested and covered the topic better in my eyes.
My vote goes to: @Row |
Alright im guessing i vote here so here it goes
Dono: There is one thing I really like about your topicals its that twist at the end that most arent expecting and this topical was the same. Your vocab and flow was spot on. The humour at the ending was a nice touch as well. Row: I've never seen a topical from you before but this was really well done. You took the quote at face value though and thats the only downside. Message flow vocab all was on point. This is close but my vote goes to the more creative one but dope final no doubt. MVGT: Dono |
Why was my vote deleted?
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Votes are hidden until all of them are in. Then they're all put back in after the decision is over to help avoid swaying.
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Quote:
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First and foremost, this was a difficult topic. I felt Dono took a more cliche approach with his story, and I felt it seemed rushed, and a bit lack luster comparatively to what he's capable of. The ending to me just didn't slide, and really took away from the visceral setting of the piece as a whole. I felt Row's approach to the topic was more creative, which seemed to draw me in more to the piece. It also had a semblance of being rushed, especially with some of the redundancy in the first portion, and the first point of view. Some of the rhyming seemed pretty lack luster, and the imagery just wasn't there for me, in extreme detail. Which is something that Dono had in droves. This was a really close call, and it's difficult to make a decision, but, I think I have to lean toward the more creative use of the topic overall.
MVGT - Row. |
Pretty Enjoyable reads from both. I liked one's scenario/story, writing technique (wording use of imagery etc.) more. However I believe his opponent linked his story to the topic better by explaining what followed after two different reactions to the same scenario...Shit can go either way it comes down to preference. Vote: Dono
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Dono, at first i thought this was another cliche war topical but then i finished it. i liked how you gived subtle little hints throughout that hinted at your ending. As for the relevancy to the topic, it is there but very deep and broad in my personal opinion, I believe i get it, 10% because you are still actually doing it mentally I guess in the video game, but the 90% being how you immerse yourself in it compared to reality. I thought it was a great piece but i feel like it could have been more closely connected to the topic, but it was still solid.
Row, I like how you stayed relevant to the topic and how you wrote your verse for this. The whole 10% being that the wife is gonna be watching the hunger games and it's all how you react to it. The way you wrote the two different outcomes kinda reminded me of the butterfly effect movie, how simple changes in life can affect a bigger picture. Hate to have to vote on this, both of you did great pieces but i felt like one's topical had a stronger grasp on the topic. MVGT:Row |
@Pugz 5-2 Row , its a wrap!
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^^^^^
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Word.. Grats to Row for taking this one! good effort Dono.. it is a wrap
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word lol
counted tbm |
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