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::..Rupt Rates You..::
RUPT RATES YOU
Post your best verse.... One verse per person.. Make it your best.. I'll break it down, and let you know what I think you should work on. I will also rate you from 1-10 and after a certain amount of people have submitted I will then rate the top 10 active textcees that posted in this thread.. Any amount of people can post a verse... Then 10 will be placed in order as top 10 active. Top Ten Active 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. Post your verses. |
Whats in it for me¿
---------- Post added at 12:39 AM ---------- Previous post was at 12:28 AM ---------- Haha no but for real @Erupt, can I redeem my rupt-vote-n-rate redeem coupon by havin' you drop a fair for me... no hate & im loser if ya think so, plz thx... then rate would be boo ---------- Post added at 12:42 AM ---------- Previous post was at 12:39 AM ---------- http://www.letsbeef.com/battle_detai...n=tb&id=482285 then sign me up too plz |
His Illmania battle? They’ll EASILY KILL EM cause “you couldn’t profit from recording this fuck” reLEASING AND FILMING someone SLEEPING WITH HILTON! Being picked for audio was like aCHIEVING FULFILMENT and I wish I could say this EMCEE WAS AN ILL PICK; for ACs the “test” wasn't “multiple choice” but Blnk's NEED TO BE FILLED IN! ACs? He couldn’t see the “bigger picture” with a smartphone SCREEN THAT HE’S TILTING; he’d “branch out” but “leaves shrived up” like a TREE THAT IS WILTING! Your stay here is temporary, just LEASING THE BUILDING so for “Home Improvement”; we’ll “cut him” to “save face” like HE WAS OUR WILSON! After this, you beLEIVING YOU’RE STILL SICK? Nah if he’s SEEN ON SOME “KING” SHIT; Ima turn LA Police and straight BEAT THE CIVILLIAN! This faker pretends he’s got GREEN IN THE MILLIONS or EVEN A BILLION but if you see “Bleu with the cheddar” it’s EATING SOME STILTON! Sure he’s battled for years and thinks WE ARE HIS CHILDREN but you couldn’t be a “pioneer by trade” swapping BEADS WITH THE PILGRIMS! Bitches? If the “pussy is smooth” he reCEIVED A BRAZILLIAN so if this dudes in the "SHEETS” WITH A MILF IT’S chilling with his moms with a NEEDLE AND QUILTIN’!
*Scheme battle Vs Bleu **Bleu was picked for audio last minute after BLNK left ACs. |
“stocks will be crashing” when i BLAST A GAUGE or EMPTY MAGS! sorry to “burst ur bubble” but your JABS’LL FAIL to SET ME BACK & i wouldn’t “buy in to those, homes” w/ FANNIE MAE & FREDDIE MAC! "it's not me, it's you" livin IN HIS MOMMA'S BASEMENT, i wanted to face a “monster” but i GET THIS FRAUD IN PLACEMENT? you’ll need a “hero to save you now” but my LYRICS AREN’T CONTAINING shit that’s CHRISTIAN ROCK RELATED like a SKILLET COMPILATION!!/bred knows ill win, first we TEXT, THEN I’LL BEAT YOUR VERSES & for my NEXT WIN? DEFEAT A MURDA; you wont “go in, to defy or place” less you STEPPED IN A HEATED FURNACE n i aint seen “o bomb a squad” unLESS ITS THE SECRET SERVICE or the PRESIDENT’S TEAM OF SERVANTS!! (the fireplace, Obama squad.) if you wrote lines alone? you couldnt even TRY TO TOP MINE, i mean we know acs helps to WRITE YA BARS, GUY, but they just “assist your suicide” - hence a “CRYSIS HOTLINE!” you’re a rap machine? “Obey, you’re human!” but tryna BEAT GOD IN A CONTEST? since you can “cause no harm” you better run to “save your life” no THREE LAWS OF ROBOTICS!!!/i mean, he thinks he’s ACTUALLY KILLING ME? i’ll make ya “head spin,” hope someone HAPPENS TO INTERVENE if you "draw to put dots in I?" ur like ANIME IN DEFEAT cause weapons? we might see “bey’ blade, tops!” like JAPANESE FIGURINES!
Versus Obey in the most recent GC. |
Bulls vs Legion has gone 'Nuclear', two MAD FACTION'S ON DECK WHO'S RUNNIN' THE GAME, Manny left the bulls for LoD in Illy 4 and that 'MANHATTAN PROJECT' BLEW UP IN THEIR FACE! The debate was can aC'S HANG WITH THE BUSINESS and BEAT BANKS AND HIS MINIONS? They 'looked hot but faded as we closed in' like 'HEAT WAVES' IN THE DISTANCE! Manny and I never battled so we're MAKING A BET, WHO'S THE WORST? I could 'freestyle' and 'take it off the top' w/o FACING 'EXECUTIONERS' or 'SHAVING HIS HEAD THROUGH THE PERM! He believe's he's a 'SAINT' N SAYS HIS BOOTH'S A 'CHURCH' so if he 'spits with a devil inside him'? It's not that 'SATAN'S' BLED INTO HIS WORK but GAVE QUICK 'HEAD' TO 'LUCIFER'! So LoD's BANGIN TECHS TO SHOOT THE BULLS? Nah they GANGSTA'S SET TO DO A 'ROLE' so when they 'act hard' they'd only 'STAGE' A DEATH AND FUNERAL! You talk bout' 'girls in gats' in songs like you'd BUST A HEATER TO IT but it sounds like LUSTFUL 'TEENS WITH TUNES', THAT threaten "In My World: I'd tell you one time".....queue the 'JUSTIN BIEBER' MUSIC! You aren't a Man, you're a chick I wish WE'D 'BOMB' HER WORLD HARDER! So to be 'Heroes, She must be destroyed in battle' no RESPONSE FROM 'PEARL HARBOR'!(So to be Hiroshima's, be destroyed in battle)
J/K definitely going with this one. Hope I don't mess you up again :D |
Idk if this is my best, but one of my favorites.
I’ll have ‘Kid’s Face on the front-cover again’ if you FEEL TRAGIC AND RUN IN just ‘To exit over the eyes’ when I EXAMINE THIS NOTHING.. KILL, STAB’EM FOR BLUFFING & ‘Show My Street-Side Again’ like the re-release of ‘’ILLMATIC PRODUCTIONS!’’ (2 X it over the eyes) You’re ‘Finally taking it all in’ that you’re BARS’RE SLOPPY N’ WEAK.. All ‘Exhausted from wasting ya breath’ like this CAR HAS GOTTEN’ TA E so how’re you a ‘Hint of Fresh air here’ when you’re just a ‘’CARBON’’ COPY OF ME?! Having followers? I’m GLAD I MADE IT TO PAVE WAYS, yet you’re ‘Pulling down the look’ of CAPTIVATING THE GAME’S FAITH to be ACTIVE, WAITING AND SLAY GREATS..but ‘Ya Test of Time doesn’t make sense’ when you’re always ‘’GRAVITATING TO SAVE FACE!’’ (Think about it..) That Illmania tag-tourney, ‘You weren’t hand-to-hand’ w/ OWNING YA NOTES, them ‘Poor Punches in ya elevation’ ironically ‘’LOWERED MY HOPES’’..knowing you’re ‘Involved w/ the Big show’ you should’ve ‘’went OVER THE ROPES’’.. Listened to ‘’HOVA & ROSE’’! ‘Everything you represent’s backwards’ yet you’re MAKING THE THREATS, it’s ‘No double sided mirror’ but you’ve been ‘’FAKING AFFECTS’’ of ya past of ‘’TRAITING YA SET’’ So it’s ‘Not thoughts of a flipped-flag’ when I say your ‘’mental-STATE’S IN DISTRESS!’’ ACs.. Vs. Enfinite .. a battle that got HEAVILY slept on. |
@smiG
'Gores ass is bleedin,that we ALREADY SEE IN THIS ONE, cuz like "gay jokes bout Gardening in Eden" there will "ALWAYS BE A STEVE IN EM!/ (Wasn't really feeling this as an opener.. wasn't that creative imo, you needed another multi set to make it hit harder but even then the concept itself was pretty weak bro, the multi set was also a little off .. unless you have an accent IN THIS ONE and STEVE IN EM doesnt work because steve doesn't rhyme with in.. you can have multis that don't rhyme when they are little words like I, it, n, etc, but when you have words like STEVE, it almost always has to have a rhyming multi)....: how i creep when DARKENED ITS FITTING..how ya get "left wit no drive & torn aPART WHEN SMIG SPITTING...Like "cars that wont start after PARKIN IN BIG CITIES!/ (i like the inner multis here, the cars wont start set, the concept itself is played, no drive ... cars... could have been flipped better.. also bro I've read a few of your battles, and you seem to have too many syllables in your multis.. aPART WHEN SMIG SPITTING.. 5 syllables.. PARKIN IN BIG CITIES.. 6 syllables.. the syllables have to match for max punch impact and readability, also the concept was really simple here)...: Theres no ARGUIN WITH ME. Ne bitch be as HARD AS THIS SISSY..who "puff up they chest to spiral downward"..like "demi moore LARGENING TITTIES & STAR'n IN STRIPTEASE!"/ (i think the "..." is overused and takes away from the flow n readability of ya verse, could be smoother without them, the concept was actually nice i liked this punch here, im not going to nitpick on wording because i understand not using the word "like" is something that comes later on, good punch tho.. the double multi set was good as well here) i SPAR n WIN VICTORY, so PARDON ME QUICK PLEASE, only time id see a "Key-Blurrin' my senses"..is if STARTIN UP THIS WEEk..city population includes"Elf APARTMENTS iN FIG TREES"!/ (the wordplay was a nice flip here, but once again the transition from STARTIN UP THIS WEEK to city population didnt work because it doesn't read like a sentence "is if STARTIN UP THIS WEEk..city population includes"Elf APARTMENTS iN FIG TREES"!" not sure what you mean here with the transition.. should be more clear and lose the "...." because it takes away from punch impact and you need to use better transition words in this instance) Punches- 6 -would have been higher if you didn't have to drive /car punch and opener multis- 7 - you actually have a good grasp on them and would have been higher if you wouldn't have had a broken multi with the wrong syllable count. readability- 7 .. need to lose all of the ".." in your verse and be sure your transitions into the punches are smoother if that makes sense. Lose those and make the read a lil smoother and this will impact your multis readability alot delivery/swag- 7 .. You actually have good swag.. you have a good grip on relevant multis and i can see you getting alot better very quickly with a lil tweaking creativity- 6 .. the creativity was a little above average here with the spiral down concept n the wordplay flip on keibler... I can see you have a good grasp on this as well... a tad bit more creativity overall consistently will bump you up. Overall - 6.6 - Judging off this verse you have a lot of potential and after a lil tweeking I can actually see you being one of the better texters on LB.. You have a better understanding of W/P and swag/multis then most just need to be sure you match the syllable counts cus this isn't the first battle ive seen you not do that. You have a high upside and mad potential.. You need to change your Avy tho it plays a mental role in this battling shit... vet tip of the week lol ---------- Post added at 03:37 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:00 PM ---------- @EtH His Illmania battle? They’ll EASILY KILL EM cause “you couldn’t profit from recording this fuck” reLEASING AND FILMING someone SLEEPING WITH HILTON! (multis were good... flow was on point.. concept was meh but flipped a lil and the build made it hit a lil harder, not too creative tho) Being picked for audio was like aCHIEVING FULFILMENT and I wish I could say this EMCEE WAS AN ILL PICK; for ACs the “test” wasn't “multiple choice” but Blnk's NEED TO BE FILLED IN! (the wording here was very good... the concept itself is played but in this case it is relevant, and the multi placement made for a decent personal punch here) ACs? He couldn’t see the “bigger picture” with a smartphone SCREEN THAT HE’S TILTING; he’d “branch out” but “leaves shrived up” like a TREE THAT IS WILTING! (cool double punch i thought the screen tilting punch was better than the last tree punch, once again a flip on a old concept/wp.. the double punch made for good effect but the creativity is lacking) you Your stay here is temporary, just LEASING THE BUILDING so for “Home Improvement”; we’ll “cut him” to “save face” like HE WAS OUR WILSON! ( i thought this was actually decent... cut him to save face haha... punch hit as well because you understand multi placement) After this, you beLEIVING YOU’RE STILL SICK? Nah if he’s SEEN ON SOME “KING” SHIT; Ima turn LA Police and straight BEAT THE CIVILLIAN! This faker pretends he’s got GREEN IN THE MILLIONS or EVEN A BILLION but if you see “Bleu with the cheddar” it’s EATING SOME STILTON! (meh punch, nothing special or out of the box here, good multis though) Sure he’s battled for years and thinks WE ARE HIS CHILDREN but you couldn’t be a “pioneer by trade” swapping BEADS WITH THE PILGRIMS! (i thought this was dope.... def did a lot for the verse... haven't seen this concept in this form.. dope punch here short n sweet) Bitches? If the “pussy is smooth” he reCEIVED A BRAZILLIAN so if this dudes in the "SHEETS” WITH A MILF IT’S chilling with his moms with a NEEDLE AND QUILTIN’! (another double punch, was decent but nothing that makes you go wow if you feel me, good multis once again though) Punches-6.5 - You had them, but they were nothing special or wow punches... there were a couple that impressed me though. Multis- 8 -schemed the entire verse, and the multis were on point and placed in the right places for maximum impact. Readability- 8 - very smooth read one of your talents/upsides. Delivery/Swag- 7.5 - You have a good delivery because you understand multi placement which makes your punches hit harder... Adding a little more personality into the verse would push you up a notch... maybe reading some verses from Jason. Creativity- 6 .. Overall i felt you had a lot of punches that were flipped concepts, some flipped well though... the blnk flip was personal so that was decent.. i thought the pilgrim line was dope.. Overall i would say work on more creativity as that seems to be your only flaw.... Overall- 7.2 - What pushes you a little above 7 is the fact you have a very good understanding of multis/multi placement... which makes for your punches to hit harder... You also kept the scheme up and the readability was very good.. these are all the fundamentals of texting and you have those down... What you need to work on to get to that next level is more creative punches... You flipped a lot of concepts, and nothing really wowed me here... You have the fundamentals down which a lot of texters struggle with.. you don't try to do too much and it comes off as a smooth read. Just think a little harder on the punches while keeping it simple and not over think, and you will be a threat in texting being that you have the basics down pact almost. I think your next step would be adding some inner multis if you want to take it to that level... first I would work on more creativity. |
I'mma post highest rated one i guess, since idk what to pick.
If you see a 'Red Cross' it's from shots I-Land not a SAVING STOP FOR HAITIANS but if Manny's 'on-board' 'w/ the Arms out' he's just PLAYING OPERATION!! Manny talks gunplay in all his bars like hes some kinda CRIMINAL CARRIER but all these threats are over a DIGITAL BARRIER so the key's Manny pushing are just like his name - FICTIONAL CHARACTERS! Fists or Guns Manny doesn't FIGHT OR SPRAY VERY WELL, so if hes "standing up for another round" he's in LINE FOR A CAROUSEL! But I rule this shit with an 'iron fist' i'll cause this 'DUDE'S SPLEEN TO BREAK' with blows ya can't 'stomach' that'll make YOU SCREAM IN PAIN to leave ya dead like HOUDINI'S FATE! As for ladies, your whole crew helps ya "PITCH IN" WORDS CHEATER bcuz it's not "good game" how Manny "pulls them chicks" WITH HIS BIRD FEEDER! (pigeon) He's been with his girl since his"coming of age" and still hasn't POPPED HER CHERRY so he'll have to pay for 'rite of passage thru a canal' w/o a PROPER FERRY! You're "drowning", too bad for you I'm RUNNING A SPEED BOAT I'll have this Canadian "sleeping through the 'english channel' without TOUCHING A REMOTE!Its ova, Manny thought he owned the place like he was some kinda NEW MAJOR SETTLER but i just "erased the motherfucker from text" like a NEWSPAPER EDITOR! Vs Manhattan |
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Chico may talk about "Fake Stacks" and "Large Steel, Moving" but he's just referring to movies with BANK FORGERS and speaking of cash...his verse? I couldn't even make "Heads Or Tails" of it like BLANK QUARTERS!! this guy's the "Biggest Joke" look at his WORTHLESS acCOUNTS enough to SERVICE A TOWN so you'd think he'd be just fine but he still can't "Build Up" a punchline while I'll just "Go For The Jugular/Juggler" to kill this CIRCUS CLOWN!! I'm a classy island killer but when I say my lines'll "Wrap Around His Neck" or "Fold His Chest" I don't mean LEI'S OR LAPELS and he's deadly? nah only time he see's "Ass Ass Inns" is going to GAYLORD HOTELS!! he may talk about his "Shit Being Smooth" but that's just his BOTTOM LOTION and you beating me? please..."Don't Kid Yourself" like CONDOM SLOGANS!! I'm Student but I ought a be TEACHING CLASS talking bout' READING MAPS cause I'll put a "Red Stripe Through His Center" like this costa RICAN'S FLAG!! plus he bit on the last tournament and to that there's no STEEP OPPOSITION everyone knows those lines you quickly "Ripped Off” without CHEAP CIRCUMCISION!! last line.this bitch wanna "DICK AROUND" Ri:can catch a beat down like that meltdown from CHRIS BROWN!! F2D!!
vs. Rican for The Old Heads vs. New Head Tournament Champion Title (Which was taken away shortly and converted to an award) |
VS Dono in the last Audio GC. Maybe not the best but one thats fresher in my mind since I haven't written in a while.
Hes hard? Well that’s how the FAG ACTS, inside hes scared as a fear of hights in a PLANE CRASH but Dono its fine brodie, just run aWAY SCRAP stick to what you know lil homie and MAKE TRACKS. And Take that false sense of CONFIDENCE and you can POCKET IT cuz if I catch you frontin like ya NOT A BITCH I’ll make you bite the curb and STOMP YA SHIT until ya TONSILS HIT. Its like You on a high? Bitch then I’m BRUISIN YOUR CORNEA till you LOSE THE EUPHORIA son your MUSIC IS HORRIBLE, I mean you’re less known for your raps than your YOUTUBE TUTORIALS! But go ahead and post up with ya GUN PLAY power forward with ya team claim ya shoot from the JUMP, EH fuck it though I know despite what you BUMS SAY that you aint never gonna take the shot son, ya PUMP FAKE! It’s a FACT THAT YA SHITS WACK but doesn’t MATCH HOW THE KID ACTS, I mean dono: “your shook, you rattled in the box”…. How can you not have fresh spits but ACT LIKE YA TIC TACS. Get this, Your girls a ‘harlequin’, thinks Im her TICKET TO STARDOM shes the ‘bane’ of my existence, I hit the KITTEN REGARDLESS on toppa every piece of furniture that’s IN YA APARTMENT and we call you “joker” cuz you’re gonna spend the night SITTIN IN ARKAM (our cum). Seriously though, you a SICK FUCK if you don’t think that this BITCH SUCKS a vote for him is squirrel dookie, mother fucker that SHITS NUTS |
(vs lo5t)....homie, we'll see your ''box under flames'' as you just LIE,TALKING VERY FAKE, coz how you gonna be ''cruising over nature'' seen too ''FLY, ON A STEADY RATE'' when your just ''high, full of hot air'' but never ''RISE DROPPING HEAVYWEIGHTS''?!!?(heavy weights)& you dont ''raise stacks while making moves'', i've never seen a BATTLER SOFTER, who fails to ''set a pace to recieve credit'' like the FATTEST A' JOGGERS,so you'd only ''give me a run for my money'' when you LACK AS AN AUTHOR if i ''jumped in your CAB WITH AN OFFER,to be your MARATHON SPONSOR''!!..look, you'll get ''smoked'' for saying your ''sparkling,bud'' quick as CRYSTALS N TRI-COMBES as these ''extenstions'' ''drop your jaw'' ''pressing CLIPS'' ''WITH YA MIND BLOWN'',& homie,your just ''lo5t with a 5/s'' which i guess it FITS WITH THE RHYME SO,start THINKING YOUR FLY HOMES.. .i'll show you ''fade weaker with blows'' than the SIGNAL IN IPHONES that DWINDLES N DIES LOADS in the MIDDLE A' CYCLONES (or the punches the most CRIPPLED A' GUYS THROW)!! faggot, you just come with ''recyled crap'' you shoulda left that SHIT IN THE BIN, so think that your IN IT TA' WIN? we'll see ''those yellow flows vs naturill force'' is like tryna PISS IN THE WIND!! MuRdA!!
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I've been one of the best battlers "fundamentally" on the site since like 2008. Having the fundamentals down aint done shit for me! :D
Basically making ACs was just a crew for me to try and teach cunts the fundamentals, only to see them improve upon them and I think "How the fuck did they do that?". |
(Join your crew?) Your leader Sent an invite ..that NIGGA WAS IN TO ME/ He even "MAPPED OUT" my POSITION WITHIN THE TEAM/ But I said drop Manny: First KICK HIM TO GET THE DEAN/ So you're "ABOUT TO SEE THE BOOT" like PICTURES OF ITALY- Up a MILLION N FIFTY FEET!/ NIGGA PLEASE! Yall-wish you COULD GET SOME MONEY HERE/ Cuz I opened up ya wallets.. LOOKED IN, THERES NOTHING THERE!/ DAWG these GUYS is ALWAYS LIKE: "PLEASE, LET ME GET SOME BUCKS" like WHAT'S IN A HUNTER'S PRAYER!/ Uhm. Why you keep COMIN HERE?.. Your RAPS IS WACK BRO!/ So you need to "GO GHOST"- Words from CASPER'S TRACK COACH/ I will SMACK THIS CAT YO- Cuz HE'S THE SLOW TYPE/ Ya hate voter. BETTER LEARN how to READ N VOTE RIGHT or don't criTIQUE ON FLOWS, IIIGHT?/ Cuz when we're "LOOKING FOR THE FAIREST" like when the SEVEN-DWARVES play HIDE N SEEK WITH SNOW WHITE? (We won't come to you)/ But who's TALKING SOME SHIT: Said this DAWG AINT A SNITCH?/ that reTARD IS A LIAR. Dudes only desire is to "TALK TO THE PIGS" like CHARLOTTE THE SPIDER!/ I'm HARDLY A FIGHTER but if he FUCKS WITH THE TEAM?/ All the PIECES IS WITH ME I'll GREET HIM WITH FIFTY shots in his knee, SPLEEN N HIS KIDNEY/ Till he "YELLS UNCLE AT DEAN" like the NIECES OF JIMMY!/
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What I try to do around letsbeef is find the cats that I think have the potential to be dope, and then assist them via I.M or P.M's... I'm a talent scout if you will.. Me and Rule have been scouting cats for years. @urban_ Mainly because the text lounge is dead... And I may be the most qualified person to give some type of assistance. Mainly to spark some type of competition around here, also because I'm bored. A few pointers, not saying niggas are going to elevate in one day... but it has happened. Ima try to get at atleast 5 of these a day. 3 more coming tonight. And the best way to improve imo, is to copy someone else's style, study their bars, until you find your own. Doesn't happen overnight. |
So who's style did u copy?
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Not copy.. more so study... its like anything.. if you want to get good at live battling.. you study a live battler.. you gotta study anything to get better.. And I've been texting for years.. so it's noone you would prolly know, dude named Rippa taught me how to text in like 04 when i was in 8th grade. I've pretty much beat everyone good on most websites. I'm a fucking legend. Pay homage.
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You being possibly tha only virtual hof here willing to help up & comers is something to respect .
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Always respected Erupt after he beat my ass in GC 8 2 years ago.
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@Erupt ... peep that
vs. Obey Who the fuck brung LASSE TO DOG FIGHT? He couldn't keep “grounded” wearing sneakers with the SHABBY LACROSSE SPIKES I'm Psycho!, the HAPPY FOR WAR TYPE But thinkin you're “Nuts, Get a grip” you'd rather ASK ME TO COUGH TWICE!....*He's on letsbeef all day!, Eyes red, dry mouth, Parched in a bliss. Tryna give out “rap advice” but ain't Harsh with the spits, *funny how “Bey a net buffer” But'll never be Sharp with the Tips! (bayonet)*<-- while Punches i THROW ERASE TEAMS, & I figured since O's “thinking, Caps Off” I'd kill him with a*LOWER CASE SCHEME!. *Rap skills? i SHOWED YOU THE BASICS... then the way you “Called it quits” it seemed PHONE BOOTH RELATED Them “Ciao lines” was enough to rival SOUL FOOD ARRANGEMENTS! (chow) ... O, we KNOW YOU ASHAMED WITH the fact your “Crafts missing!” But even FOLKS WHO's MALAYSIAN would HOPE YOU EMBRACE IT!!!/*I stayed with him & his MOTHER IN JUNE, So i know 1st hand, that he ain't around GUNs AND THE GOONS, it's lies-brother, Only “rap sheet” he got is that “hip hop blanket” he *hides-under when I'd COME IN THE ROOM!!.*Now he acts bigheaded but comes DULL IN MANY CLASHES?, I don't care if his SKULL IS VERY MASSIVE.. I repo-Ego's and “Beys'll get cut down to size” with out CULINARY CLASSES!. (Basil) |
Ait... Thats enough people posted for now.. Noone else post till I finish rating all these. Good shit yall.
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@Enfinite
Bulls vs Legion has gone 'Nuclear', two MAD FACTION'S ON DECK WHO'S RUNNIN' THE GAME, Manny left the bulls for LoD in Illy 4 and that 'MANHATTAN PROJECT' BLEW UP IN THEIR FACE! (this was a nice personal bar, creativity was there but it was missing something for max punch impact.. The long multi sets are ok, but in this case you had 10 syllables and could come off as a hard read... I would have shortened the multi set syllable length and added another multi set for max impact.. also the concept could have been flipped a little to add to the creativity.. The concept was cool tho) The debate was can aC'S HANG WITH THE BUSINESS and BEAT BANKS AND HIS MINIONS? They 'looked hot but faded as we closed in' like 'HEAT WAVES' IN THE DISTANCE! ( another personal bar here.. actually hit decently.. again could have been flipped to add more creativity.. maybe thougt a lil harder on how to flip the concept, if you dont know what i mean by flip holla at me n ill explain in more detail.. If you listen to live battles you will understand multi placement a little better. You would have had one more multi set after BANKS AND HIS MINIONS to create that build up to make the punch hit harder) Manny and I never battled so we're MAKING A BET, WHO'S THE WORST? I could 'freestyle' and 'take it off the top' w/o FACING 'EXECUTIONERS' or 'SHAVING HIS HEAD THROUGH THE PERM! ( wasnt feeling this concept here was a lil played but i did like the double concept/multi set FACING EXECUTIONERS SHAVING HIS HEAD THROUGH THE PERM.. i think if you focus on these type of punches you will do more damage conceptually) He believe's he's a 'SAINT' N SAYS HIS BOOTH'S A 'CHURCH' so if he 'spits with a devil inside him'? It's not that 'SATAN'S' BLED INTO HIS WORK but GAVE QUICK 'HEAD' TO 'LUCIFER'! ( the way his was worded was weird.. the concept itself didnt hit cus it was a stretch like gave head to lucifer.. kind of unrealistic so it was a stretch.. also really simple.. you did have the double multi set tho again so that was a good look just came off a little meh) So LoD's BANGIN TECHS TO SHOOT THE BULLS? Nah they GANGSTA'S SET TO DO A 'ROLE' so when they 'act hard' they'd only 'STAGE' A DEATH AND FUNERAL! (the acting/stage concept is very played here.. also needed another multi set or a punch after GANGSATAS SET TO DO A ROLE for max punch impact.. I can give you an example of multi placement if you want) You talk bout' 'girls in gats' in songs like you'd BUST A HEATER TO IT but it sounds like LUSTFUL 'TEENS WITH TUNES', THAT threaten "In My World: I'd tell you one time".....queue the 'JUSTIN BIEBER' MUSIC! (this was very weak imo.. the concept itself just wasnt concrete.. also you didnt need the "..." the concept wasnt an awe concept if you eel me) You aren't a Man, you're a chick I wish WE'D 'BOMB' HER WORLD HARDER! (this multi set reads akward.. It comes off as forced) So to be 'Heroes, She must be destroyed in battle' no RESPONSE FROM 'PEARL HARBOR'! (So to be Hiroshima's, be destroyed in battle) (this was the most creative bar you had... I like the concept but I'm not a fan of the long winded wordplay... it can come off as conceptually forced but in this case it was decent.. The no RESPONSE FROM PEARL HARBOR multi set didnt add to the punch impact tho because of how it was worded.. it didnt read smoothly like.. so to be hiroshimas, be destroyed in battle.. it doesnt read right both ways if that makes sense) Punches- 6 .. i think if you worked on multi placement a little more with ETH your punches would hit a little harder.. Overall they were quite simple but i did like a couple of the personal flips you had so ima give you a 6 because you understand the importance of personal bars with a decent flip. Multis- 6 - Some of your multis come off as forced.. What you may want to try is write your verse lowercase like you are doing an audio battle that way it may read smoother.. I do like the fact you can do the back to back multi sets relating to the end concept.. Thats a start. Also the 10 syllable multi sets can throw off a verse I wouldn't go past 6 at this stage in your texting) Delivery/swag- 6 .. I think you lack a little bit of personality in your bars.. which can take away from the enjoyment of reading it.. If you read a daddio or illimit or jason verse you will understand what i mean.. they choose multis that read smoothly and the word choice makes the verse more exciting) creativity- 6 The hiroshima bar was a step in the right direction, but I dont want you to try to be too creative at this point cus you may try to overdue it... Focus on your multi placement and delivery at this point then the creativity will come with it. readability- 6 .. it was readable .. but the 10 syllable multi set took away from that a little.. Also try not the have multi sets that require a "," cus it takes away rom the flow example.. LUSTFUL 'TEENS WITH TUNES', THAT ... this read weird and the multis were kinda meh. Overall- 6 .. You should work on multi placement and smoother multis cus they come off forced at times.. try writing the verse lowercase first and see how that works for you.. Also to understand multi placement read the dudes that i mentioned above. Ask eth to assist you more with multis so that they dont come off as forced. Focus on those areas for now. Once you get that down move to creativity and i think youll be just fine. ---------- Post added at 04:59 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:57 PM ---------- Also I think if you watch some live battles that will help with your delivery/ multi placement for max punch power. ---------- Post added at 05:16 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:59 PM ---------- Quote:
---------- Post added at 06:20 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:16 PM ---------- @Octavia “stocks will be crashing” when i BLAST A GAUGE or EMPTY MAGS! sorry to “burst ur bubble” but your JABS’LL FAIL to SET ME BACK & i wouldn’t “buy in to those, homes” w/ FANNIE MAE & FREDDIE MAC! ( i think the concept was a bit played but the flip was decent.. some slant rhymes here but noting drastic... The way it was delivered was good tho.. The only thing is how the punch transitioned like.. JABS’LL FAIL to SET ME BACK & i wouldn’t “buy in to those, homes” w/ FANNIE MAE & FREDDIE MAC .. instead of saying & i wouldn't for max punch impact maybe a smoother transition word like "so i wouldnt BUY INTO.. i that makes sense.) "it's not me, it's you" livin IN HIS MOMMA'S BASEMENT (i dont get the its not me its you reference.. should focus on more concrete references because i was thinking it would be followed by like a dating breakup punch), i wanted to face a “monster” but i GET THIS FRAUD IN PLACEMENT? you’ll need a “hero to save you now” but my LYRICS AREN’T CONTAINING shit that’s CHRISTIAN ROCK RELATED like a SKILLET COMPILATION!!/ (I like the multis here, but the punch itself is meh... nothing really creative it comes across as bland.. maybe you could have flipped the concept a little) bred knows ill win, first we TEXT, THEN I’LL BEAT YOUR VERSES & for my NEXT WIN? DEFEAT A MURDA; you wont “go in, to defy or place” less you STEPPED IN A HEATED FURNACE n i aint seen “o bomb a squad” unLESS ITS THE SECRET SERVICE or the PRESIDENT’S TEAM OF SERVANTS!! (the fireplace, Obama squad.) (this right here is what you should model your punches after.. this was good the o bama line is a little played but still w/p and the defy or place w/p was decent too mainly the way it was setup and multi placement here was very good..) if you wrote lines alone? you couldnt even TRY TO TOP MINE, i mean we know acs helps to WRITE YA BARS, GUY, but they just “assist your suicide” - hence a “CRYSIS HOTLINE!” (this was actually a very good personal man... the Crysis personal, helps write bars.. I liked this punch.. the multi placement was good , if im nitpicking the TRY TO TOP MINE multi set could have been replaced by something else) you’re a rap machine? “Obey, you’re human!” but tryna BEAT GOD IN A CONTEST? since you can “cause no harm” you better run to “save your life” no THREE LAWS OF ROBOTICS!!!/ (this was a decent punch.. i like how you big upped yourself and still threw a punch.. i think the concept itself could have been put together a little better for creativity purposes.. Also for max punch impact you needed one more multi set after "cause no harm" that way the build would have made it hit a little harder ) i mean, he thinks he’s ACTUALLY KILLING ME? i’ll make ya “head spin,” hope someone HAPPENS TO INTERVENE if you "draw to put dots in I?" ur like ANIME IN DEFEAT cause weapons? we might see “bey’ blade, tops!” like JAPANESE FIGURINES! ( i like the double punch here, but it came off awkwardly .. the multis were relevant for sure but still read funy the concept itself wasn't worded properly throughout the entire bar.) Punches- 6.5 .. The crysis hotline .. obama squad.. fireplace bars all helped your verse here.. were very decent punches and the fact that you know about where to place your multis for the most part made the bars hit harder.. There are bars that came off meh but u have punches some back to back so thats a good start for sure.. def potential here. Multis-7 Multis for the most part are good here.. there were a couple multi sets that came off weird but overall they flow very smoothly and make sense. delivery/swag- 6.5- You actually have a decent delivery swag as well.. yI can see a little bit of your personality shining through here I think if you work a little more on this part of your verse you will excel.. also try not to force a couple concepts creativity- 7 .. Im going to give you a 7 here because I can see the potential in where you are going with the concepts.. you think outside of the box .. i have a pretty good eye for cats that can potentially excel creatively and you are on the right track.. just need to take it that step further.. the fire line was def on the right track. readability- 7 .. verse was readable but there are times where your punches come off as worded awkwardly.. like the closer.. Try to keep things simple and not have too many references and quotations commas etc because it messes with the flow and what not. Overall- 6.8 ... I think what boosts you is your potential to excel creatively.. You understand what wordplay is.. and you are very close to breaking the creative barrier.. Try to be a little more relevant bar wise... get rid of some of the commas, quotations which will make for a smoother read.. you have a good hold on multi placement as well just in some instances dont forget that the build is what makes the punch hit.. atleast three multi sets per bar id say for max punch power.. Youre on the right track tho. |
@ILLoKWENT is going to be taking some time out to break some of these down as well... Shoutout to Illo as well. ez
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@EtH I appreciate it bruvuh.
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aight my boi @Erupt needed a wingman on this so im happy to oblige.
@Subreal If you see a 'Red Cross' it's from shots I-Land not a SAVING STOP FOR HAITIANS but if Manny's 'on-board' 'w/ the Arms out' he's just PLAYING OPERATION!! aight, first off, i like the short bar structure here... setup here was fairly relavent wit the whole 'vaccination concepts' , and continued well with the double meaning wit manny's arms out to recieve shots/ready to scrap. the flip tho, didnt connect well imo.. the concept was pretty open ended.. which means you couldve used a boat flip, or numerous other board games..if your dead set on using OPERATION, i suggest tuning the concept so it more directly relates to that particular game... ex. so if manny's 'on board to get picked on',then im GAME FOR OPERATION... anyway, conceptually ,operation type punches are pretty played out by now,so try to find a very clever angle phrase play to improve upon it.. Manny talks gunplay in all his bars like hes some kinda CRIMINAL CARRIER but all these threats are over a DIGITAL BARRIER so the key's Manny pushing are just like his name - FICTIONAL CHARACTERS! not feelin the first multi.. how exactly is talkin bout guns equivilent to carryin a criminal.. you can carry on as a criminal, but wording here is a bit awkward., even tho your tryin to say hes a criminal carrying a weapon... i wouldve changed it to CRIMINAL CARRYIN' CLIPS, then change the last multi to FICTIONAL CHARACTER IS... this way, your multis come out reading more fluent. im liking the personal angle in your punch but its a bit plain and statementish, yes it makes sense and the simile connects,but you need a bit more swag and style here... Fists or Guns Manny doesn't FIGHT OR SPRAY VERY WELL, so if hes "standing up for another round" he's in LINE FOR A CAROUSEL! nice short bar, relavence in setup is there, the concept itself, tho is another one of those open ended type phrase plays.. that could be stronger wit closer related wording.not to mention, peeps usually sit when on a carousel, rather then stand.. this is how i wouldve wrote it. how does manny wanna 'horse around wit me' ?, he cant FIGHT NOR SPRAY VERY WELL, i guess hes prolly thinkin 'some kids got his back' , takin PRIDE AS A CAROUSEL... etc... see the difference here.. But I rule this shit with an 'iron fist' i'll cause this 'DUDE'S SPLEEN TO BREAK' with blows ya can't 'stomach' that'll make YOU SCREAM IN PAIN to leave ya dead like HOUDINI'S FATE!okay setup could use a bit better wording..like the use of the 'I' and 'I'LL'.. makes the line seem like two fractured sentences , wit an abrubt stop in the middle.. it wouldve read smoother as kid, i rule wit an 'iron fist', causin 'DUDE'S SPLEENS TO BREAK' ,droppin 'blows you cant stomach', ROUTINELY NAMED as HOUDINI'S FATEpunch it self was original take on a houdini concept, As for ladies, your whole crew helps ya "PITCH IN" WORDS CHEATER bcuz it's not "good game" how Manny "pulls them chicks" WITH HIS BIRD FEEDER! (pigeon)another simple short bar thats easy to follow, setup relates perfectly talkin about the concept which involves 'tryin to score chicks',towards the end. which was pretty funny.. the pitchin part didnt need to be quotated, cause it doesnt relate that well wit birdfeeder..i'd prolly try a 'word association' that relates to birdfeeder in the setup for this particular instance.. to explain more about his birdfeeder usage..lol punch itself had alot of potential He's been with his girl since his"coming of age" and still hasn't POPPED HER CHERRY so he'll have to pay for 'rite of passage thru a canal' w/o a PROPER FERRY! this one was dope, imo, again the wording couldve been adjusted here, in the setup you didnt really need to have a 'coming of age', it aint really that necessary to get your point across about him not poppin his girls cherry. but i get your inclusion to connect 'rite of passage'.. you couldve prolly get even more creative by including BARMITZVAH while ON A FERRY, which wouldve tied in the 'rite of passage' even more..bottomline good bar.. simple but effective, and a few more tweaks wouldve made it hit even harder. . You're "drowning", too bad for you I'm RUNNING A SPEED BOAT I'll have this Canadian "sleeping through the 'english channel' without TOUCHING A REMOTE! metaphorically, the english channel pun was a decent touch, setup wise was also relavent in idea.. the only thing is the topic of him drowning kinda seems out of left field for some reason.. and out of place, strength wise, it was aight, nothing too major.. Its ova, Manny thought he owned the place like he was some kinda NEW MAJOR SETTLER but i just "erased the motherfucker from text" like a NEWSPAPER EDITOR! this one was prolly my least favorite bar.. setup wise, wasnt too relavent, you talkin bout he owned the place, but it lacked the closer relationship towards your end idea.. punch wise, it was pretty basic and predictable.. there wasnt much as far as double meanings.. erasing text, and editor is hella obvious...id prolly omit this entire bar right here... these categories are what i used back in the day when doin breakdowns... which i feel should encompass a battle verse.. PUNCHES:6.5aight i feel you came with a decent array wit different concepts, there werent any real standouts here,and the couple that had alot of potential, just needed a bit better wording to put it closer to harderhitting PERSONALS;2 here i feel your verse was fairly generic.. with the exception of the fictional character manny name reference, there wasnt really any other punches or disses that was relavent to your opponent.. whether its his name, his avatar, his battle style, who he lost too, etc... your verse basically couldve been thrown at anyone... in a 16 , i'd throw at least 2 or three personals at most..in between the randoms.. of course the more the better... DELIVERY/MULTIS/FLOW/STRUCTURE:6 flow wise it was decent, good for short bar style, multis matched up as far as i could tell. of course as you get more intricate in scheme, eg. longer multi strings, inner rhymes, double or triple multis.. your score would be higher. CREATIVITY/SWAG:6 wasnt too bad, a couple original conceptual tries.. fundamentals, was there,entertainment factor was pretty average.. but i can see your hint at humor which brought your score up a bit.... OVERALL: 5 your a very talented writer that has big potential, because you have a good idea of conceptual punches and how to incorporate them, it be a good idea to start droppin 32s to see your full range of skills(more sculpted setups, multi scheme work, etc..)i feel a little nudge in the right direction and polish would put you in the upper tier of this site, also, incorporate more personals, other than mentioning your opponents name a few times... dissing someone using personal shit, makes your bars hit even harder when done right... it was your lack of personals here that brought down your average.. otherwise it be a high 6 this time around |
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thanks @ILLoKWENT, appreciate it fam, read all of that and it helped
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Me and ohs bra. Not good it was when I first joined lol it's bin a min.
you tryina to come at the WISE-G// thinkin you better than MY FLEET// i'll have you decapitated wit ya head in the CON-CRETE// my flow shitin your bars, man you SWAREN-YA-GROWN-BOY? i'll have ya face lookin snacktime when i TARE-IN-YA-DOME-BOY// ill dump my LOAD-A-WAY// in yo body so GO-A-WAY// cuz battlen me was a rookie DECISION// cuz when i start SPITTEN// i'll have ya lines end up like frog's cars when it breaks down and have his bars "TOAD" AWAY!!!// you can keep swaren you hard but FACE-IT-FAG// i'll steam yo FACE-WIT-FRAGS// cuz you is a ugly as hell and the only thing that'll go good wit yo face is PAPER-BAGS!!!// and i'ma keep it A-HUNED// you act like you can get whateva and smash a rapper wit AIM-LESS-RAPS// dat have no punches to CLAIM-DAY-BLAST// but when i drop on the scene i'll have dis bitch runnin a mile down his LAME-LESS-TRAP// and still bag his body like osama win he CLAIMS-HE'S-STRAPPED!!// so listen you fuckin QUEER-DIKE// i'll simply leave you dead on the CHAIR-MITE, buss a couple of rounds on em till his bones is sleeping AIR-TIGHT// foreva murking a homie who can claim he got to BEAR-LIGHT// but to me you just a mismatch, so tell me how was this a FAIR-FIGHT// |
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Looks like I'm next.
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I'ma get at Dean and Diss soon as i get a couple hours.. and Illo's got the others.
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Im workin on students atm. When time opens up ill get at the others..
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can i post one in here now? :D
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