This isn't your best Stephen. You think it's your best because of your multie length and your vocab, but you sacrafised some origionality and creativity. I don't know how you start writting your verse, but it doesent really seem too punchline based. The way you want to do it is...

blah blah blah like *MAIN MULTIE*

Thats the most basic, and easiest to master technique. A simple metaphore set up, and although it won't be winning you awards, it lets you get a grasp on the whole idea better, and lets you solidify your concepts and ideas, which will help you in later styles.

Example (Askari's example to me 07 style)

Spray your block like a CAN OF DEODERANT.

Simple punchline here. I suggest getting it all broken down into a basic style like that before writting off of it.



This brings us to the multies. Here, you have so little rhyming in amoungst the big ones, and it forces the flow completley. Keep them basic enough. 4 syllables is plenty for a multie, and very little people are impressed by lengthy ones. Have your punchline developed, then play a couple of multies off it to get the flow going. I actually found a receint tactic, that although isn't working for me (0-4 in last 4 outings smfh), I do believe it is a better style when you are struggling to have small punches coming from the main multie. Just simply put one or two fillerish multies in for the purpose of flow, but do not break off to a completley different line.

Eg.

WASN’T IT MON-EY???? This TEENS STUPID, READ USELESS!! I just answered the “question” you no match to me, i’mma KEEN STUDENT!!!

This line could simply be...

This TEENS STUPID, READ USELESS!! I just answered the “question” you no match to me, i’mma KEEN STUDENT!!!

The first multie only makes the line longer, yet serves no purpose what so ever. If you trim every line as such, you will have space for another punchline at the end, and punches win battles.

Hope I helped.

The EtHaTrOn

nicely explained by the ethster!!

The EtHiNaToR thanks you...

sounds to close to EtH's a hater for me ;)

EtH is a hater, hell I'm hating you right now, faggot.

makes a change from hating yourself;)

This WRITTEN’S WHERE MY PUNS ARE AIRED! Its natural, BLISSING THIS RIGHT ANSWER “THERE”! Whereas you “try so hard” it makes you seem you SHITTIN IN YOUR UNDERWEAR!!!!!

^Opening line, altho kinda funny...Had no real importance nor was it a punch really, specially for an opening line....

This kid’ll soon be THIRSTIN FOR MEDICINE when I BURST HIS OWN TESTIMENT cos he was just a fake fuck and couldn’t be “original” if he was VERSIN A VETERAN!!!!/

^^Nice flow to this line, and nice-ish punch.Delivery was ok too.....

It’s CERTAIN YOUR RELEVENT to only weak people like a PERSON OR RESIDENT!!!

^^I Understand the concept you were trying to put here, nice idea man, but it couldof been worded better. PLus you should of put this line before the one before it as by having it were you do, (to me) it takes away from the flow of the verse to be honest. Work on the structure.

My SPITS ALL THAT CALLS and GIVES THOSE THAT STROLL a little taste of being taken over like “HYPO’S” AND TROLLS!!! (?) So your verse is my comp??? Please, this just a stroll for me like I put my KICKS ON AND BALL!!!!!

^^Nice use of rhyming words, but i fail to see the punch in this line. It may just be me....

I’m SONNIN’ EM’ FUCKIN COVENENT SUCKIN to have you “used quicker” than GOVERNMENT FUNDING!!!!!

^^Your best line of your verse, the only 'solid' punch. Delivery was nice.

WASN’T IT MON-EY???? This TEENS STUPID, READ USELESS!! I just answered the “question” you no match to me, i’mma KEEN STUDENT!!!
^^I Also fail to see a 'punch' in this line. The set up (like most your lines) had me reading expecting a punch, but was let down with the 'punch' that was provided.

So,
you have some nice concepts, just need to work on your punches/metaphores a lil bit more. Sets up should have something to do with the punch that follows them, a set up should be near as good as its punch, an when that punch comes....BAM. You have the set ups,just the punch is often a let down.

Im just being honest with my opinion, this is not hate in any way shape or form. Giving time i can see you getting better, keep @ it!

Word, So Far So Good, This Is What I'm Looking For ... I'll REad It When I Get Home, Thanks To All. Keep It Comming.

Hush Steric.

http://www.letsbeef.com/battle_detai...n=tb&id=350960

Nuff Said.