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  #1  
Unread 03-24-2020, 04:39 AM
DiZzReSpEkT
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 262
Mentioned: 73 Post(s)
Tagged: 3 Thread(s)
Default MOTHER’S TEARS (Freestyle)

You seen your mom the other-day, with her hands on her head-n-crying?
Have you truly looked at your mother’s-face, or just fled-while sighing
When she’s tryna give you life-lessons? then your surprised cuz the next day, you find her in her bed-n-lying
Next to a bottle-ah-halcion , other hand got knife-tentions, she’s dead-but-flying
N you can’t believe it, you thinking-she-betrayed-you
Bitch I’m thinking-who-betrayed-who
Your life’s wasted in brothels-n-now-is gone, but hers was for longer, she was next-to-dying
N-you-didn’t notice, N you didn’t listen ,n took up Some-New-Things as a focus
Like drugs-n-rapping , even though not synonymous, unlike thugs-n-stabbings
N she was there when you had the common-cold
But you didn’t care when she asked-you for help, and went to Alcoholics Anonymous
You just ignored her n gotten-gold, while masked-too.
Feel rotten, cold? Well I’ma ask you
If When you were younger you used to think-she-was-superhuman, n-you-said-yes
N you must’ve still thought-it when you were twenty-two, when-you-spent-checks n
Broke her heart so many times, n watched it shrink-too-much-its-super-screwed-man
N don’t blame others, you caused-it, what about MLK, he was twenty-too!
You’re in shock n notice-a-note-behind-her, so now you’re praying-to-god
It’s not what you think-it-is, you slowing-n-scared-inside-ya, while slaying-ah-thought
But God’s looking at your heart and trying splitting-it
You want to reach-for-god, while tryna preach-so-long how everyone’s tryna impeach-your-odds
You remember that god left you a long-time-ago
And’s been gone since, when you played the devils song-at-your-show
Saying you’ll never need god-or-his-help
But now where your squad-with-their-shells?
Who you gave your life to , now it’s on-with-just-hell
Why are you so shocked only satan-would-respond?
He watched you live your life of raping-and-bongs
And decided a place next to his own, where you’ll be staying-for-long
And now that yours core-shaken, drained of speech-and-now-broke
You remember your souls-taken, and you reach-for-the-note

“Do you remember your sister-daisy?
N how she was kidnapped raped-n-taken
To another plane of existence, when she became-forsaken ?
Well I’m starting to miss-her-daily
Matter of fact I wish I was next-to-her
I still remember how you messed-with-her
Blamed her for your failures-n-mistakes
But even though you seemed to hate-her-she-ached
N worked just to get you your college-fund
So since all-is-none, and you’ve given your life-away
I’ve given it to your aunt, n all-her-sons
I hope you survive-today
But I just couldn't face-the-pain
for another, I feel draped-n-smother
So I’ve decided to see your sister, to make sure-she’s-alright
I just hope it don’t cause you too much pain, and that you-will-fight
Through the hardships, instead of lying-n-just-faking
And well since you shit-on-life , n seemed-so-sure
That I didn’t care, I tried to make you see, I was trying-n-sadly-waiting
But since you don’t care bout the gift of life that gave you yours
I guess I might-as-well-just-take-it.”

- Your Dear Mother

I hope you realized she loved-you and you see it clearly
While you decide whether to hang from a rope or let a bullet touch-you, if even nearly
That you feel hushed-too, and remember you made her live her life-in-pain
Lastly, remember your cowardice made both your lives-in-vain

---------- Post added at 04:38 AM ---------- Previous post was at 04:36 AM ----------

Made this 5 minutes ago. Hope y’all like it.
@MadVerbs @The Saaxxx Baba @Kiwi Peewee @Barzooka

---------- Post added at 04:39 AM ---------- Previous post was at 04:38 AM ----------

Also mods feel free to move this wherever this should go. Too long for the cypher section but I just copied and pasted when I made it there to the forums.
__________________


"You're Softer than Alize with A Chaser"
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Unread 03-24-2020, 04:39 AM   #1
 
DiZzReSpEkT
 
Join Date: Sep 2019
Voted: 1 audio / 51 text
Posts: 262
Mentioned: 73 Post(s)
Tagged: 3 Thread(s)


Default MOTHER’S TEARS (Freestyle)

You seen your mom the other-day, with her hands on her head-n-crying?
Have you truly looked at your mother’s-face, or just fled-while sighing
When she’s tryna give you life-lessons? then your surprised cuz the next day, you find her in her bed-n-lying
Next to a bottle-ah-halcion , other hand got knife-tentions, she’s dead-but-flying
N you can’t believe it, you thinking-she-betrayed-you
Bitch I’m thinking-who-betrayed-who
Your life’s wasted in brothels-n-now-is gone, but hers was for longer, she was next-to-dying
N-you-didn’t notice, N you didn’t listen ,n took up Some-New-Things as a focus
Like drugs-n-rapping , even though not synonymous, unlike thugs-n-stabbings
N she was there when you had the common-cold
But you didn’t care when she asked-you for help, and went to Alcoholics Anonymous
You just ignored her n gotten-gold, while masked-too.
Feel rotten, cold? Well I’ma ask you
If When you were younger you used to think-she-was-superhuman, n-you-said-yes
N you must’ve still thought-it when you were twenty-two, when-you-spent-checks n
Broke her heart so many times, n watched it shrink-too-much-its-super-screwed-man
N don’t blame others, you caused-it, what about MLK, he was twenty-too!
You’re in shock n notice-a-note-behind-her, so now you’re praying-to-god
It’s not what you think-it-is, you slowing-n-scared-inside-ya, while slaying-ah-thought
But God’s looking at your heart and trying splitting-it
You want to reach-for-god, while tryna preach-so-long how everyone’s tryna impeach-your-odds
You remember that god left you a long-time-ago
And’s been gone since, when you played the devils song-at-your-show
Saying you’ll never need god-or-his-help
But now where your squad-with-their-shells?
Who you gave your life to , now it’s on-with-just-hell
Why are you so shocked only satan-would-respond?
He watched you live your life of raping-and-bongs
And decided a place next to his own, where you’ll be staying-for-long
And now that yours core-shaken, drained of speech-and-now-broke
You remember your souls-taken, and you reach-for-the-note

“Do you remember your sister-daisy?
N how she was kidnapped raped-n-taken
To another plane of existence, when she became-forsaken ?
Well I’m starting to miss-her-daily
Matter of fact I wish I was next-to-her
I still remember how you messed-with-her
Blamed her for your failures-n-mistakes
But even though you seemed to hate-her-she-ached
N worked just to get you your college-fund
So since all-is-none, and you’ve given your life-away
I’ve given it to your aunt, n all-her-sons
I hope you survive-today
But I just couldn't face-the-pain
for another, I feel draped-n-smother
So I’ve decided to see your sister, to make sure-she’s-alright
I just hope it don’t cause you too much pain, and that you-will-fight
Through the hardships, instead of lying-n-just-faking
And well since you shit-on-life , n seemed-so-sure
That I didn’t care, I tried to make you see, I was trying-n-sadly-waiting
But since you don’t care bout the gift of life that gave you yours
I guess I might-as-well-just-take-it.”

- Your Dear Mother

I hope you realized she loved-you and you see it clearly
While you decide whether to hang from a rope or let a bullet touch-you, if even nearly
That you feel hushed-too, and remember you made her live her life-in-pain
Lastly, remember your cowardice made both your lives-in-vain

---------- Post added at 04:38 AM ---------- Previous post was at 04:36 AM ----------

Made this 5 minutes ago. Hope y’all like it.
@MadVerbs @The Saaxxx Baba @Kiwi Peewee @Barzooka

---------- Post added at 04:39 AM ---------- Previous post was at 04:38 AM ----------

Also mods feel free to move this wherever this should go. Too long for the cypher section but I just copied and pasted when I made it there to the forums.
__________________


"You're Softer than Alize with A Chaser"
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  #2  
Unread 03-24-2020, 06:10 AM
The Saaxxx Baba
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 1,392
Mentioned: 219 Post(s)
Tagged: 16 Thread(s)
Estimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 stars
Ranked Audio Record
2 Won / 1 Lost
Estimated Skill in Text: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.33/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.33/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.33/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.33/10 stars
Ranked Text Record
119 Won / 50 Lost
Exclusive Text Record
2 Won / 0 Lost
Default

i had a boner before i stumbled on this and you turned my would be cum shots into tears so fuck you for that !! lol

jokes apart, this was a freestyle? god damn man !! as it is motherly topics are touchy and you touched on the most painful one of them all. her death !! over all i liked the superhuman part and the thugs stabbing and sheels and life part between them the ideas seemed a lil repetitive but ur choice of ur topic and the train of thoughts still had the feel to it but the letter the letter shit turned the whole thing n it's head tbh. That sister and aunt shit was a dope fucking angle !! on a side note a mother may not be as harsh as someof the lines in the letter but for the most part that letter and the overall imagery and story telling was fucking dope imo esp for a freestyle. you should definitely polish this up and put it into a track man !!
__________________


*CUM SHOTS IN THE AIR*
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Unread 03-24-2020, 06:10 AM   #2
 
The Saaxxx Baba
Estimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 stars
Ranked Audio Record
2 Won / 1 Lost
Estimated Skill in Text: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.33/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.33/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.33/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.33/10 stars
Ranked Text Record
119 Won / 50 Lost
Exclusive Text Record
2 Won / 0 Lost
 
Join Date: Mar 2019
Voted: 273 audio / 1181 text
Posts: 1,392
Mentioned: 219 Post(s)
Tagged: 16 Thread(s)


Default

i had a boner before i stumbled on this and you turned my would be cum shots into tears so fuck you for that !! lol

jokes apart, this was a freestyle? god damn man !! as it is motherly topics are touchy and you touched on the most painful one of them all. her death !! over all i liked the superhuman part and the thugs stabbing and sheels and life part between them the ideas seemed a lil repetitive but ur choice of ur topic and the train of thoughts still had the feel to it but the letter the letter shit turned the whole thing n it's head tbh. That sister and aunt shit was a dope fucking angle !! on a side note a mother may not be as harsh as someof the lines in the letter but for the most part that letter and the overall imagery and story telling was fucking dope imo esp for a freestyle. you should definitely polish this up and put it into a track man !!
__________________


*CUM SHOTS IN THE AIR*
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  #3  
Unread 03-24-2020, 07:40 AM
91
Kiwi Peewee
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 1,225
Mentioned: 392 Post(s)
Tagged: 22 Thread(s)
8 1589
Estimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.36/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.36/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.36/10 stars
Ranked Text Record
57 Won / 17 Lost
Default

This was pretty hard hitting, especially for a freestyle. You've definitely got the storytelling and emotion down, although I think flow remains an issue for you to be completely honest, there were a few lines in here where I felt thrown off reading it because I wasn't sure how it was meant to go rhythm wise. Just tryna give you the best advice I can to keep improving.
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Unread 03-24-2020, 07:40 AM   #3
 
91
Kiwi Peewee
8 1589
Estimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.36/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.36/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.36/10 stars
Ranked Text Record
57 Won / 17 Lost
 
Join Date: Feb 2019
Voted: 49 audio / 843 text
Posts: 1,225
Mentioned: 392 Post(s)
Tagged: 22 Thread(s)


Default

This was pretty hard hitting, especially for a freestyle. You've definitely got the storytelling and emotion down, although I think flow remains an issue for you to be completely honest, there were a few lines in here where I felt thrown off reading it because I wasn't sure how it was meant to go rhythm wise. Just tryna give you the best advice I can to keep improving.
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