Ight, now that it's over..questions:

[Esso]

Row pretty much summed it up. Both of yall were kinda disappointing in that battle. Shodan had some poorly worded shit...and AT among other not so fresh material, pussy rights/nude feminists was a terrible closer. There were flaws on both sides.

[Esso]

Row pretty much summed it up. Both of yall were kinda disappointing in that battle. Shodan had some poorly worded shit...and AT among other not so fresh material, pussy rights/nude feminists was a terrible closer. There were flaws on both sides.

Text battles are confusing. Every single person wants something different out of a verse that's why it's so hard to write them. I'm sticking to track making.

Text battles are confusing. Every single person wants something different out of a verse that's why it's so hard to write them. I'm sticking to track making.

[AfterThought]

Originally Posted by Row

I seen that battle too and intended to vote and was too late but in all honesty, I thought that shit was closer than expected. I agree to everything mentioned in the OP but your verse wasn't all that either. Felt you came with some played material as well(lines/movie, fuck/celibate, squeeze arms/blood pressure, pussy/feminist) and phrases that either sounded awkward or doesnt come in casual conversation (you a soft salty piece of food-->??) and the latter stuck out like a sore thumb imo.

Never said my verse was all that, it was enough
So, in your eyes, we both had bad wording, he had the fresher/damaging punches?

@Paperclip Yeah pretty much same here

[AfterThought]

Originally Posted by Row

I seen that battle too and intended to vote and was too late but in all honesty, I thought that shit was closer than expected. I agree to everything mentioned in the OP but your verse wasn't all that either. Felt you came with some played material as well(lines/movie, fuck/celibate, squeeze arms/blood pressure, pussy/feminist) and phrases that either sounded awkward or doesnt come in casual conversation (you a soft salty piece of food-->??) and the latter stuck out like a sore thumb imo.

Never said my verse was all that, it was enough
So, in your eyes, we both had bad wording, he had the fresher/damaging punches?

@Paperclip Yeah pretty much same here

Originally Posted by AfterThought

Never said my verse was all that, it was enough
So, in your eyes, we both had bad wording, he had the fresher/damaging punches?

I wouldn't look at the battle and say one was fresher or had harder punchlines because y'all both came played. Only difference between y'all verses were multi usage and entertainment factor and Sho was just more awkward sounding.

Originally Posted by AfterThought

Never said my verse was all that, it was enough
So, in your eyes, we both had bad wording, he had the fresher/damaging punches?

I wouldn't look at the battle and say one was fresher or had harder punchlines because y'all both came played. Only difference between y'all verses were multi usage and entertainment factor and Sho was just more awkward sounding.

[AfterThought]

Riiiiiight, okay

[AfterThought]

Riiiiiight, okay

AT's homies will watch THESE ROUNDS HURT THIS WHORE QUICK, it'll "Dawn 'on 'em after son goes down" and they'll BE OUT "EARLY, MOURNING!"

Multi is too stretched out. Should have stuck to Early Mourning as the rhyme. I don't pronounce Morning and Mourning the exact same so the wordplay doesn't really work for me.

AfterThought? I hate this HOPELESS FAGGOT, he tryna get famous, become well-KNOWN IN MATCHES but "he's invisible, in the ring" & I don't mean FRODO BAGGINS!

Decent punch. Could have used a better build but the punch itself is pretty good.

Who says Afterthought is ACTUALLY KNOWN?, HONESTLY, if you hear "A-T(ee) is extra-large"? that's FAT PEOPLE'S CLOTHES SHOPPING SPREES!

Again, cut your multis down. You're clearly not proficient enough to fluidly deliver a 7 syllable rhyme scheme. Keep it simple. If you have to dress up your line with complex rhyme schemes, it probably means the concept isn't good enough and should be scraped. This punch was okay. I mean, nothing good about it and I'll probably forget it even existed after this but I suppose it's okay.

I HURT & MUG LAME NERDS, i'll prolly "bask in robbin" AT NO 31 FLAVORS!

The ONE in 31 is too prominent to not rhyme here. Wordplay doesn't work both ways. "I'll probably Baskin-Robbin A.T. no 31 flavours" doesn't make sense grammatically. Wordplay needs to work both ways, otherwise you're just Rican and Grizz.

I'll shove a screwdriver into ya face, that's how I RIP FAKIN' Gs, to put it "past your eyes" like making MILK SAFE TO DRINK! (pasteurize)

Milk and Rip is a considerable stretch, but don't even get me started on Gs and Drink. Pasteurize is very played in every delivery. I believe I wrote one 8 years ago. Also the wordplay doesn't work both ways (Put it pasteurize).

6/10

----------------

As we speak, the CREW IS COCKIN TEKS. They gon' make "Sho' Dan Yell: Dey Shooting!" without LEWIS ON THE SET!!(daniel day lewis)/

Speaking of wordplay not working both ways:- "They gon make Sho Daniel Day Shooting". Huh? Forced wordplay. Decent idea but delivered like shit. Basically, if you ever feel the need to write ":" in the incorrect manner, rewrite the line cause all of them are crap. Also "Dey Shooting" is annoying wording. I mean sure, I guess if we're in proper ghetto speak guys talk like this, but "Dey" instead of "They" being wordplay annoys me.


Dope got ya momma COOCHIE GETTIN STRETCHED, give her "Lines To Make A Flick" & make a MOVIE FOR THE NET!!/ Y

For is too prominent here to not rhyme with. "FOR THE" and "GETTING" need to line up better. I'm also not really sure what you're meaning. Firstly, why "dope got ya momma coochie getting stretched". Isn't coochie the vagina? Why is dope stretching it? With the punchline, I'm not 100% sure what it is you mean. I guess you mean "give her lines of dope to make porn" but it's all very vague and badly worded. Even so, the punchline struggles then cause you're not really flipping it. I get that you get lines to do a movie, but I mean does she really need lines if it's porn? Also why does it specifically have to be "on the net"? You had no references to the internet or web or anything previous.

ou a "Soft, Salty Piece Of Food"..this is PRECIOUSNESS vs a PRETZEL STICK!!!/ Pshh..actin like he dont 'give a fuck'? that dont SELL A BIT..Maan, I'll have Pirus "Squeeze Arms" to show him what 'blood PRESSURE IS' or square up if he actin 'BRUCE JENNEROUS', even though the TOOL READY CLIPPED I'll "Take It Off & Give This Pussy Rights" like NUDE FEMINISTS!!!/ M.U.R.D.A

"This is preciousness"....is that gangster? I felt the soft, salty piece of food part was a bit on the forced side too. Squeeze arms line was pretty good and well worded. The main punch, not so much. Are feminists really trying to give rights to their pussy? Like do we want the pussy to be able to vote now?

6/10

Overall, for me this was one guy who forced most of his work and had some fairly uncreative punches Vs a guy who tries soooo hard to have 'swag' and be 'original' that he sacrifices every single bit of his wording and deliver for writing like what he thinks a black guy is supposed to write like. Didn't like either verse at all, but I guess one verse had less technical flaws and quite basically didn't annoy me as much as the other.

Vote - Shodan.

AT's homies will watch THESE ROUNDS HURT THIS WHORE QUICK, it'll "Dawn 'on 'em after son goes down" and they'll BE OUT "EARLY, MOURNING!"

Multi is too stretched out. Should have stuck to Early Mourning as the rhyme. I don't pronounce Morning and Mourning the exact same so the wordplay doesn't really work for me.

AfterThought? I hate this HOPELESS FAGGOT, he tryna get famous, become well-KNOWN IN MATCHES but "he's invisible, in the ring" & I don't mean FRODO BAGGINS!

Decent punch. Could have used a better build but the punch itself is pretty good.

Who says Afterthought is ACTUALLY KNOWN?, HONESTLY, if you hear "A-T(ee) is extra-large"? that's FAT PEOPLE'S CLOTHES SHOPPING SPREES!

Again, cut your multis down. You're clearly not proficient enough to fluidly deliver a 7 syllable rhyme scheme. Keep it simple. If you have to dress up your line with complex rhyme schemes, it probably means the concept isn't good enough and should be scraped. This punch was okay. I mean, nothing good about it and I'll probably forget it even existed after this but I suppose it's okay.

I HURT & MUG LAME NERDS, i'll prolly "bask in robbin" AT NO 31 FLAVORS!

The ONE in 31 is too prominent to not rhyme here. Wordplay doesn't work both ways. "I'll probably Baskin-Robbin A.T. no 31 flavours" doesn't make sense grammatically. Wordplay needs to work both ways, otherwise you're just Rican and Grizz.

I'll shove a screwdriver into ya face, that's how I RIP FAKIN' Gs, to put it "past your eyes" like making MILK SAFE TO DRINK! (pasteurize)

Milk and Rip is a considerable stretch, but don't even get me started on Gs and Drink. Pasteurize is very played in every delivery. I believe I wrote one 8 years ago. Also the wordplay doesn't work both ways (Put it pasteurize).

6/10

----------------

As we speak, the CREW IS COCKIN TEKS. They gon' make "Sho' Dan Yell: Dey Shooting!" without LEWIS ON THE SET!!(daniel day lewis)/

Speaking of wordplay not working both ways:- "They gon make Sho Daniel Day Shooting". Huh? Forced wordplay. Decent idea but delivered like shit. Basically, if you ever feel the need to write ":" in the incorrect manner, rewrite the line cause all of them are crap. Also "Dey Shooting" is annoying wording. I mean sure, I guess if we're in proper ghetto speak guys talk like this, but "Dey" instead of "They" being wordplay annoys me.


Dope got ya momma COOCHIE GETTIN STRETCHED, give her "Lines To Make A Flick" & make a MOVIE FOR THE NET!!/ Y

For is too prominent here to not rhyme with. "FOR THE" and "GETTING" need to line up better. I'm also not really sure what you're meaning. Firstly, why "dope got ya momma coochie getting stretched". Isn't coochie the vagina? Why is dope stretching it? With the punchline, I'm not 100% sure what it is you mean. I guess you mean "give her lines of dope to make porn" but it's all very vague and badly worded. Even so, the punchline struggles then cause you're not really flipping it. I get that you get lines to do a movie, but I mean does she really need lines if it's porn? Also why does it specifically have to be "on the net"? You had no references to the internet or web or anything previous.

ou a "Soft, Salty Piece Of Food"..this is PRECIOUSNESS vs a PRETZEL STICK!!!/ Pshh..actin like he dont 'give a fuck'? that dont SELL A BIT..Maan, I'll have Pirus "Squeeze Arms" to show him what 'blood PRESSURE IS' or square up if he actin 'BRUCE JENNEROUS', even though the TOOL READY CLIPPED I'll "Take It Off & Give This Pussy Rights" like NUDE FEMINISTS!!!/ M.U.R.D.A

"This is preciousness"....is that gangster? I felt the soft, salty piece of food part was a bit on the forced side too. Squeeze arms line was pretty good and well worded. The main punch, not so much. Are feminists really trying to give rights to their pussy? Like do we want the pussy to be able to vote now?

6/10

Overall, for me this was one guy who forced most of his work and had some fairly uncreative punches Vs a guy who tries soooo hard to have 'swag' and be 'original' that he sacrifices every single bit of his wording and deliver for writing like what he thinks a black guy is supposed to write like. Didn't like either verse at all, but I guess one verse had less technical flaws and quite basically didn't annoy me as much as the other.

Vote - Shodan.

[AfterThought]

That's satisfying enough

[AfterThought]

That's satisfying enough

In summary, both of you need to stop trying to sprint before you can crawl. Write a punchline, deliver the punchline, sorted. Don't try 7 syllable multis. Don't try your best to word a punchline like Erupt or Huey because even RULE doesn't have the ability to write in the manner that they did. Keep it basic.

In summary, both of you need to stop trying to sprint before you can crawl. Write a punchline, deliver the punchline, sorted. Don't try 7 syllable multis. Don't try your best to word a punchline like Erupt or Huey because even RULE doesn't have the ability to write in the manner that they did. Keep it basic.

[AfterThought]

Lol

[AfterThought]

Lol

Originally Posted by AfterThought

Lol

Why you shaking your head though? Are you convincing yourself that your verse was dope and well worded? It was worded atrociously. You came in here to bitch about votes and break down your opponents verse as if you're giving him some feedback as a "vet". Really, you made much more technical mistakes and struggled to deliver even simplistic punchlines. You're trying to do all this extra shit cause you think "I'm AT, I'm a vet and shit, look how many things I can do" but if you can't do the simple stuff well, why are you working on other shit?

Originally Posted by AfterThought

Lol

Why you shaking your head though? Are you convincing yourself that your verse was dope and well worded? It was worded atrociously. You came in here to bitch about votes and break down your opponents verse as if you're giving him some feedback as a "vet". Really, you made much more technical mistakes and struggled to deliver even simplistic punchlines. You're trying to do all this extra shit cause you think "I'm AT, I'm a vet and shit, look how many things I can do" but if you can't do the simple stuff well, why are you working on other shit?