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  #1  
Unread 03-27-2020, 10:58 PM
B U R D E N B U R D E N is on FIRE! 15+ wins in a row!B U R D E N is on FIRE! 15+ wins in a row!B U R D E N is on FIRE! 15+ wins in a row!
The Raw Talent
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,978
Mentioned: 572 Post(s)
Tagged: 29 Thread(s)
Estimated Skill in Audio: 6.47/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.47/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.47/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.47/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.47/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.47/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.47/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.47/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.47/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.47/10 stars
Ranked Audio Record
5 Won / 1 Lost
Estimated Skill in Text: 6.47/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.47/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.47/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.47/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.47/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.47/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.47/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.24/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.24/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.24/10 stars
Ranked Text Record
214 Won / 110 Lost
Exclusive Text Record
1 Won / 0 Lost
Default FEEDBACK?

The candle's lit as she sits in ah dim light
the voice of her own thought, mixed w hers sins might.
All noise in her home's stopped n her kid's at ah friends night
can only hear chimes outside, hit when the wind strikes.
She's losing grip on what's been right
choosing hits of ah thin line, doing shit that'll end life.
The high's like thick knifes through her wind pipe.


Does this feel played, like done too many times topic wise? Or are y'all feeling it..
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Unread 03-27-2020, 10:58 PM   #1
 
B U R D E N B U R D E N is on FIRE! 15+ wins in a row!B U R D E N is on FIRE! 15+ wins in a row!B U R D E N is on FIRE! 15+ wins in a row!
The Raw Talent
Estimated Skill in Audio: 6.47/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.47/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.47/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.47/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.47/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.47/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.47/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.47/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.47/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.47/10 stars
Ranked Audio Record
5 Won / 1 Lost
Estimated Skill in Text: 6.47/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.47/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.47/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.47/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.47/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.47/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.47/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.24/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.24/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.24/10 stars
Ranked Text Record
214 Won / 110 Lost
Exclusive Text Record
1 Won / 0 Lost
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Voted: 47 audio / 603 text
Posts: 1,978
Mentioned: 572 Post(s)
Tagged: 29 Thread(s)


Default FEEDBACK?

The candle's lit as she sits in ah dim light
the voice of her own thought, mixed w hers sins might.
All noise in her home's stopped n her kid's at ah friends night
can only hear chimes outside, hit when the wind strikes.
She's losing grip on what's been right
choosing hits of ah thin line, doing shit that'll end life.
The high's like thick knifes through her wind pipe.


Does this feel played, like done too many times topic wise? Or are y'all feeling it..
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  #2  
Unread 03-27-2020, 11:43 PM
The Saaxxx Baba
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 1,392
Mentioned: 219 Post(s)
Tagged: 16 Thread(s)
Estimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 stars
Ranked Audio Record
2 Won / 1 Lost
Estimated Skill in Text: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.33/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.33/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.33/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.33/10 stars
Ranked Text Record
119 Won / 50 Lost
Exclusive Text Record
2 Won / 0 Lost
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MadVerbs View Post
The candle's lit as she sits in ah dim light
the voice of her own thought, mixed w hers sins might.
All noise in her home's stopped n her kid's at ah friends night
can only hear chimes outside, hit when the wind strikes.
She's losing grip on what's been right
choosing hits of ah thin line, doing shit that'll end life.
The high's like thick knifes through her wind pipe.


Does this feel played, like done too many times topic wise? Or are y'all feeling it..
TBH honest most tpoicals are played but then it all depends on what sort of stroy you sayins and what twists and turns it take the set ups tho almost always kinda similar as with battle bars too more like you couldn't do this if you were (comparions with wordplay or metaphor or both)

With that said and done the piece does seem legitimately crisp and neat as is always the case with you.

I was writing a topical myself a few days again the topic was - if god was a hood nigga - yeah well lol. After talking to caked out tho i came to know that there is some sitcom known as Black Jesus or something which already runs on the same concept so now I'm like should i go ahead with it or scrap it .

What I'm trying to say try challenging yourself with the topics of a different genre itself if you wanna write something real fresh. And kiwi is planining to introduce a monthly topical tourney too so thats there too.
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Unread 03-27-2020, 11:43 PM   #2
 
The Saaxxx Baba
Estimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6.73/10 stars
Ranked Audio Record
2 Won / 1 Lost
Estimated Skill in Text: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.73/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.33/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.33/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.33/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.33/10 stars
Ranked Text Record
119 Won / 50 Lost
Exclusive Text Record
2 Won / 0 Lost
 
Join Date: Mar 2019
Voted: 273 audio / 1181 text
Posts: 1,392
Mentioned: 219 Post(s)
Tagged: 16 Thread(s)


Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MadVerbs View Post
The candle's lit as she sits in ah dim light
the voice of her own thought, mixed w hers sins might.
All noise in her home's stopped n her kid's at ah friends night
can only hear chimes outside, hit when the wind strikes.
She's losing grip on what's been right
choosing hits of ah thin line, doing shit that'll end life.
The high's like thick knifes through her wind pipe.


Does this feel played, like done too many times topic wise? Or are y'all feeling it..
TBH honest most tpoicals are played but then it all depends on what sort of stroy you sayins and what twists and turns it take the set ups tho almost always kinda similar as with battle bars too more like you couldn't do this if you were (comparions with wordplay or metaphor or both)

With that said and done the piece does seem legitimately crisp and neat as is always the case with you.

I was writing a topical myself a few days again the topic was - if god was a hood nigga - yeah well lol. After talking to caked out tho i came to know that there is some sitcom known as Black Jesus or something which already runs on the same concept so now I'm like should i go ahead with it or scrap it .

What I'm trying to say try challenging yourself with the topics of a different genre itself if you wanna write something real fresh. And kiwi is planining to introduce a monthly topical tourney too so thats there too.
__________________


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  #3  
Unread 03-28-2020, 08:21 AM
DiZzReSpEkT
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 262
Mentioned: 73 Post(s)
Tagged: 3 Thread(s)
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MadVerbs View Post
The candle's lit as she sits in ah dim light
the voice of her own thought, mixed w hers sins might.
All noise in her home's stopped n her kid's at ah friends night
can only hear chimes outside, hit when the wind strikes.
She's losing grip on what's been right
choosing hits of ah thin line, doing shit that'll end life.
The high's like thick knifes through her wind pipe.


Does this feel played, like done too many times topic wise? Or are y'all feeling it..
I got you chief. It gives me a bit of a horrocore vibe. Maybe if you twist it into horrocore but use monsters and other tropes as symbolism then you can shake up he formula a bit.

---------- Post added at 08:21 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:21 AM ----------

Overall though it’s typical verbs shit which puts it on a higher caliber than most
__________________


"You're Softer than Alize with A Chaser"
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Unread 03-28-2020, 08:21 AM   #3
 
DiZzReSpEkT
 
Join Date: Sep 2019
Voted: 1 audio / 51 text
Posts: 262
Mentioned: 73 Post(s)
Tagged: 3 Thread(s)


Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MadVerbs View Post
The candle's lit as she sits in ah dim light
the voice of her own thought, mixed w hers sins might.
All noise in her home's stopped n her kid's at ah friends night
can only hear chimes outside, hit when the wind strikes.
She's losing grip on what's been right
choosing hits of ah thin line, doing shit that'll end life.
The high's like thick knifes through her wind pipe.


Does this feel played, like done too many times topic wise? Or are y'all feeling it..
I got you chief. It gives me a bit of a horrocore vibe. Maybe if you twist it into horrocore but use monsters and other tropes as symbolism then you can shake up he formula a bit.

---------- Post added at 08:21 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:21 AM ----------

Overall though it’s typical verbs shit which puts it on a higher caliber than most
__________________


"You're Softer than Alize with A Chaser"
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