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  #1  
Unread 04-05-2020, 07:03 PM
EtH
Hall Of Famer
Spring Champion
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,454
Mentioned: 303 Post(s)
Tagged: 16 Thread(s)
Estimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 stars
Ranked Audio Record
1 Won / 0 Lost
Estimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.2/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.2/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.2/10 stars
Ranked Text Record
8 Won / 4 Lost
Default In Depth Verse Breakdown

I can't be bothered voting on your wack ass battles cause after I get through one verse I remember there's an even more boring one coming next, but I'm in the mood to break down some stuff to a lower level.

Drop me some bars or lines and I'll break it down into the technical aspects. I probably won't be fucked to say whether or not I like the actual punchline, more so the other aspects of the line.
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Unread 04-05-2020, 07:03 PM   #1
 
EtH
Hall Of Famer
Spring Champion
Estimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 stars
Ranked Audio Record
1 Won / 0 Lost
Estimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.2/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.2/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.2/10 stars
Ranked Text Record
8 Won / 4 Lost
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Voted: 5 audio / 65 text
Posts: 2,454
Mentioned: 303 Post(s)
Tagged: 16 Thread(s)


Default In Depth Verse Breakdown

I can't be bothered voting on your wack ass battles cause after I get through one verse I remember there's an even more boring one coming next, but I'm in the mood to break down some stuff to a lower level.

Drop me some bars or lines and I'll break it down into the technical aspects. I probably won't be fucked to say whether or not I like the actual punchline, more so the other aspects of the line.
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  #2  
Unread 04-05-2020, 07:22 PM
Charan
Join Date: Nov 2019
Posts: 184
Mentioned: 39 Post(s)
Tagged: 1 Thread(s)
Estimated Skill in Text: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.76/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.76/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.76/10 stars
Ranked Text Record
13 Won / 2 Lost
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by EtH View Post
I can't be bothered voting on your wack ass battles cause after I get through one verse I remember there's an even more boring one coming next, but I'm in the mood to break down some stuff to a lower level.

Drop me some bars or lines and I'll break it down into the technical aspects. I probably won't be fucked to say whether or not I like the actual punchline, more so the other aspects of the line.
Bro your signature has me weak af LMAO
Reply With Quote
Unread 04-05-2020, 07:22 PM   #2
 
Charan
Estimated Skill in Text: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.76/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.76/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.76/10 stars
Ranked Text Record
13 Won / 2 Lost
 
Join Date: Nov 2019
Voted: 13 audio / 126 text
Posts: 184
Mentioned: 39 Post(s)
Tagged: 1 Thread(s)


Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by EtH View Post
I can't be bothered voting on your wack ass battles cause after I get through one verse I remember there's an even more boring one coming next, but I'm in the mood to break down some stuff to a lower level.

Drop me some bars or lines and I'll break it down into the technical aspects. I probably won't be fucked to say whether or not I like the actual punchline, more so the other aspects of the line.
Bro your signature has me weak af LMAO
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  #3  
Unread 04-05-2020, 07:24 PM
Aggo Aggo is on FIRE! 10+ wins in a row!Aggo is on FIRE! 10+ wins in a row!
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 4,296
Mentioned: 1092 Post(s)
Tagged: 47 Thread(s)
Estimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 stars
Ranked Audio Record
4 Won / 0 Lost
Exclusive Audio Record
1 Won / 0 Lost

Estimated Skill in Text: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.86/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.86/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.86/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.86/10 stars
Ranked Text Record
129 Won / 30 Lost
Default

@EtH

Audio GC. And take a look at the cast
First up gets the first punch and I'm hookin him fast
The rest a yall look like food. But this ones straight outta luck
Fish tale. Before I eat I gotta take out the guts!

Bitch. All you ever wanted was to moderate the site.
But you werent even good enough to moderate your life.
now LB is all you got. Its time to contemplate the knife
Cuz you were married to the beef and couldnt compensate your wife!

When she was wed to you, she said she was asexual.
Chastity belt was padlocked.
When she met me, wet peach
A couple shots she let the pants drop
She said she was too drunk to take it all.
But I think that she was only half cocked!

That's a hell of a life
Depressed cuz you got left
By a celibate wife

She never took it at all and now shes taking half?
That's tough, but then of course
You never got fucked in the marraige
At least you're gettin fucked in the divorce!

And you know what he did!
He said bye bye wife. I'll try the bi bi life
And gargled another man's testicals
A real jolly roger
Floating to any fairy that'll fuck
This guy is peter pansexual!

Uh oh, I'm gettin personal
Yeah when I get a chance its war
Now I bet you wanna bitch out?
Too bad, this isnt Rants discord!

See I'm an Aggro crag amongst an ocean of dust
This competition is childs play
You're Nickelodeon, Guts.

Did you guys know this guy plays instruments and he sings
I snatch his own guitar and start to implement a beating
*twang, twang* when the chords snap I'll start to whip him till hes bleeding
And remind him who he is when I split this pussys lips with the G string!

It's my time now to find out
What the fucks up with
is he guts or is he gutless
So I cut him with a cutlass
Stomach to sternum to see what this faggots about
But when I sliced him, just 3 smaller faggots fell out
__________________
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Unread 04-05-2020, 07:24 PM   #3
 
Aggo Aggo is on FIRE! 10+ wins in a row!Aggo is on FIRE! 10+ wins in a row!
Estimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 stars
Ranked Audio Record
4 Won / 0 Lost
Exclusive Audio Record
1 Won / 0 Lost

Estimated Skill in Text: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.86/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.86/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.86/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.86/10 stars
Ranked Text Record
129 Won / 30 Lost
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Voted: 51 audio / 1030 text
Posts: 4,296
Mentioned: 1092 Post(s)
Tagged: 47 Thread(s)


Default

@EtH

Audio GC. And take a look at the cast
First up gets the first punch and I'm hookin him fast
The rest a yall look like food. But this ones straight outta luck
Fish tale. Before I eat I gotta take out the guts!

Bitch. All you ever wanted was to moderate the site.
But you werent even good enough to moderate your life.
now LB is all you got. Its time to contemplate the knife
Cuz you were married to the beef and couldnt compensate your wife!

When she was wed to you, she said she was asexual.
Chastity belt was padlocked.
When she met me, wet peach
A couple shots she let the pants drop
She said she was too drunk to take it all.
But I think that she was only half cocked!

That's a hell of a life
Depressed cuz you got left
By a celibate wife

She never took it at all and now shes taking half?
That's tough, but then of course
You never got fucked in the marraige
At least you're gettin fucked in the divorce!

And you know what he did!
He said bye bye wife. I'll try the bi bi life
And gargled another man's testicals
A real jolly roger
Floating to any fairy that'll fuck
This guy is peter pansexual!

Uh oh, I'm gettin personal
Yeah when I get a chance its war
Now I bet you wanna bitch out?
Too bad, this isnt Rants discord!

See I'm an Aggro crag amongst an ocean of dust
This competition is childs play
You're Nickelodeon, Guts.

Did you guys know this guy plays instruments and he sings
I snatch his own guitar and start to implement a beating
*twang, twang* when the chords snap I'll start to whip him till hes bleeding
And remind him who he is when I split this pussys lips with the G string!

It's my time now to find out
What the fucks up with
is he guts or is he gutless
So I cut him with a cutlass
Stomach to sternum to see what this faggots about
But when I sliced him, just 3 smaller faggots fell out
__________________
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  #4  
Unread 04-05-2020, 08:01 PM
EtH
Hall Of Famer
Spring Champion
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,454
Mentioned: 303 Post(s)
Tagged: 16 Thread(s)
Estimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 stars
Ranked Audio Record
1 Won / 0 Lost
Estimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.2/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.2/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.2/10 stars
Ranked Text Record
8 Won / 4 Lost
Default

I tried to give feed, but how the fuck do you give feed on audio lyrics if you're not talking about concepts or punches. Like I can't say "This word choice doesn't really flow" cause maybe it does, youre spitting it out loud you can say it whichever way you want.

Some dope punches in there but audio is entirely about punch power and rap skills. Shit like using assonance or whatever is irrelevant cause if you can flow it, using additional techniques to establish rhythm is irrelevant. No one other than you has to be able to flow it.

Hard to break down technically other than looking at rhyme patterns and shit which is unnecessary on LB at this stage.
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Unread 04-05-2020, 08:01 PM   #4
 
EtH
Hall Of Famer
Spring Champion
Estimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 stars
Ranked Audio Record
1 Won / 0 Lost
Estimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.2/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.2/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.2/10 stars
Ranked Text Record
8 Won / 4 Lost
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Voted: 5 audio / 65 text
Posts: 2,454
Mentioned: 303 Post(s)
Tagged: 16 Thread(s)


Default

I tried to give feed, but how the fuck do you give feed on audio lyrics if you're not talking about concepts or punches. Like I can't say "This word choice doesn't really flow" cause maybe it does, youre spitting it out loud you can say it whichever way you want.

Some dope punches in there but audio is entirely about punch power and rap skills. Shit like using assonance or whatever is irrelevant cause if you can flow it, using additional techniques to establish rhythm is irrelevant. No one other than you has to be able to flow it.

Hard to break down technically other than looking at rhyme patterns and shit which is unnecessary on LB at this stage.
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  #5  
Unread 04-05-2020, 08:06 PM
Aggo Aggo is on FIRE! 10+ wins in a row!Aggo is on FIRE! 10+ wins in a row!
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 4,296
Mentioned: 1092 Post(s)
Tagged: 47 Thread(s)
Estimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 stars
Ranked Audio Record
4 Won / 0 Lost
Exclusive Audio Record
1 Won / 0 Lost

Estimated Skill in Text: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.86/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.86/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.86/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.86/10 stars
Ranked Text Record
129 Won / 30 Lost
Default

Dude, no one on this website wants to be critiqued. They want to be praised. Just tell em I'm awesome and be done with it.
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Unread 04-05-2020, 08:06 PM   #5
 
Aggo Aggo is on FIRE! 10+ wins in a row!Aggo is on FIRE! 10+ wins in a row!
Estimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.68/10 stars
Ranked Audio Record
4 Won / 0 Lost
Exclusive Audio Record
1 Won / 0 Lost

Estimated Skill in Text: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.68/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.86/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.86/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.86/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.86/10 stars
Ranked Text Record
129 Won / 30 Lost
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Voted: 51 audio / 1030 text
Posts: 4,296
Mentioned: 1092 Post(s)
Tagged: 47 Thread(s)


Default

Dude, no one on this website wants to be critiqued. They want to be praised. Just tell em I'm awesome and be done with it.
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  #6  
Unread 04-05-2020, 08:21 PM
EtH
Hall Of Famer
Spring Champion
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,454
Mentioned: 303 Post(s)
Tagged: 16 Thread(s)
Estimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 stars
Ranked Audio Record
1 Won / 0 Lost
Estimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.2/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.2/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.2/10 stars
Ranked Text Record
8 Won / 4 Lost
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aggo View Post
Dude, no one on this website wants to be critiqued. They want to be praised. Just tell em I'm awesome and be done with it.
Haha I did breakdown the repetition of the word "moderate" and explain how in text you'd be criticized with that, but people need to understand that this itself is a little play on words and would be similar to a diss you'd give someone as a comeback on the street. The repetition works in that instance and is different from uncreatively reusing a rhyme word.
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Unread 04-05-2020, 08:21 PM   #6
 
EtH
Hall Of Famer
Spring Champion
Estimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 stars
Ranked Audio Record
1 Won / 0 Lost
Estimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.2/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.2/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.2/10 stars
Ranked Text Record
8 Won / 4 Lost
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Voted: 5 audio / 65 text
Posts: 2,454
Mentioned: 303 Post(s)
Tagged: 16 Thread(s)


Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aggo View Post
Dude, no one on this website wants to be critiqued. They want to be praised. Just tell em I'm awesome and be done with it.
Haha I did breakdown the repetition of the word "moderate" and explain how in text you'd be criticized with that, but people need to understand that this itself is a little play on words and would be similar to a diss you'd give someone as a comeback on the street. The repetition works in that instance and is different from uncreatively reusing a rhyme word.
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  #7  
Unread 04-05-2020, 08:31 PM
Celsius
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Here break down this


You're on "life support" in the Tag tourney. Only RIGHT THAT A BULL'S YOUR CRUTCH! "I provide all of ya dope lines", 'n it's TIME THAT I "PULL YA PLUG"! You won't "push the right buttons" goin' up against ya FAVORITE RHYMER. If you're "makin moves that'll do some damage"? You're just busy bein' a GAME DESIGNER! He'll say he's my "father-figure", but I'm in an echelon that EtH'S REACHIN FOR. When I ended AC's? Ya said-I'm-a-faggot, Dave, 'til I "made it big, 'n ya mooched off my success-'n-my-accolades" - you're a "DEAD BEAT", FOR SURE! Invested in Turnbulls cause of RULE. You hate that he's someone LETSBEEF ADORES. Ironic: you used us to "put a price on his head" cause he lives "RENT FREE IN YOURS"! You're always tryna stick-it-to-the-man til they hit-you-w/-a-ban cause ya got yaself conVINCED YOU'VE EXPOSED THE TRUTH! You "readin' the tea leaves is makin me drop ya bag in the water" but this ain't LIPTON I'VE CHOSE TO BREW! You're on that "human centipede swag": nurses'll have STITCHES GET SEWN IN YOU cause "your mouth's been connected to all that SHIT YOU'VE BEEN GOIN' THROUGH"! EtH wishes he was YOU WISH, nothin' he RHYMES IS DECENT, THOUGH. I'll "bury this grunt at Arlington National" since he wanna "DIE TO BE UNKNOWN"! #DieSlow
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Unread 04-05-2020, 08:31 PM   #7
 
Celsius
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Default

Here break down this


You're on "life support" in the Tag tourney. Only RIGHT THAT A BULL'S YOUR CRUTCH! "I provide all of ya dope lines", 'n it's TIME THAT I "PULL YA PLUG"! You won't "push the right buttons" goin' up against ya FAVORITE RHYMER. If you're "makin moves that'll do some damage"? You're just busy bein' a GAME DESIGNER! He'll say he's my "father-figure", but I'm in an echelon that EtH'S REACHIN FOR. When I ended AC's? Ya said-I'm-a-faggot, Dave, 'til I "made it big, 'n ya mooched off my success-'n-my-accolades" - you're a "DEAD BEAT", FOR SURE! Invested in Turnbulls cause of RULE. You hate that he's someone LETSBEEF ADORES. Ironic: you used us to "put a price on his head" cause he lives "RENT FREE IN YOURS"! You're always tryna stick-it-to-the-man til they hit-you-w/-a-ban cause ya got yaself conVINCED YOU'VE EXPOSED THE TRUTH! You "readin' the tea leaves is makin me drop ya bag in the water" but this ain't LIPTON I'VE CHOSE TO BREW! You're on that "human centipede swag": nurses'll have STITCHES GET SEWN IN YOU cause "your mouth's been connected to all that SHIT YOU'VE BEEN GOIN' THROUGH"! EtH wishes he was YOU WISH, nothin' he RHYMES IS DECENT, THOUGH. I'll "bury this grunt at Arlington National" since he wanna "DIE TO BE UNKNOWN"! #DieSlow
 
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  #8  
Unread 04-05-2020, 08:57 PM
EtH
Hall Of Famer
Spring Champion
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,454
Mentioned: 303 Post(s)
Tagged: 16 Thread(s)
Estimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 7.13/10 stars
Ranked Audio Record
1 Won / 0 Lost
Estimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.13/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.2/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.2/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.2/10 stars
Ranked Text Record
8 Won / 4 Lost
Default

You're on "life support" in the Tag tourney. Only RIGHT THAT A BULL'S YOUR CRUTCH! "I provide all of ya dope lines", 'n it's TIME THAT I "PULL YA PLUG"!

Dead the reference style. Mentioning life support in the first bar, completely out of the context of any punch, doesn't add to the second line. Putting quotations around it is like saying "Oh, include this too". It's not included.

The "provide all of your dope lines" reference seemed unrelated to anything. You didn't mention or set any precedent for either you ghostwriting, or you inspiring the best lines. I'm not entirely sure how a "DOPE line" would relate to life support, unless you're a huge fan of life support technology and think the lifeline visualization is dope as hell.


You won't "push the right buttons" goin' up against ya FAVORITE RHYMER. If you're "makin moves that'll do some damage"? You're just busy bein' a GAME DESIGNER!

Again, the push the buttons isn't included. It's miles away from the punch. You can't be like "Fir real, "Alaska" bitch what shes doing tonight and then we'll go on a date and then we might see what we do from there....LIKE AMERICAN STATES. Punches need to be quick and snappy and you're trying to write half the punch before the punchline even starts. Good metaphor usage as this is always a fresher way to deliver than a traditional simile.

He'll say he's my "father-figure", but I'm in an echelon that EtH'S REACHIN FOR. When I ended AC's? Ya said-I'm-a-faggot, Dave, 'til I "made it big, 'n ya mooched off my success-'n-my-accolades" - you're a "DEAD BEAT", FOR SURE! Invested in Turnbulls cause of RULE. You hate that he's someone LETSBEEF ADORES. Ironic: you used us to "put a price on his head" cause he lives "RENT FREE IN YOURS"!

It gets a little wordy in the centre. I think it's a syllable too long, probably the "off" word. Obviously this is needed, but it's probably slightly too long and chops the flow a slight amount. I'm not sure I understand what the play is supposed to be with DEAD BEAT. I can't see any wordplay in there but it's sign posted as if there should be

I can't say much about the scheme because if the dead beat line does have some original flip then it'd be well executed and tells a good story. However if not, there's too much added and it's too beefy to compliment the rhyming or story.

The punch was an original delivery which made it feel very fresh. Not your typical flippy delivery of a standard punch, it's delivered more organically to this specific line. Sometimes lines can be put together in ways that others won't be, so that allows for this unique way to use the wordplay but not rely on any flips or metaphors.


You're always tryna stick-it-to-the-man til they hit-you-w/-a-ban cause ya got yaself conVINCED YOU'VE EXPOSED THE TRUTH! You "readin' the tea leaves is makin me drop ya bag in the water" but this ain't LIPTON I'VE CHOSE TO BREW! You're on that "human centipede swag": nurses'll have STITCHES GET SEWN IN YOU cause "your mouth's been connected to all that SHIT YOU'VE BEEN GOIN' THROUGH"!

i wasn't going to talk about punches or concepts, but when writing a Liptons ice tea line, realize you're writing a Liptons ice tea line and stop it. Waaaay too wordy in the tea delivery too. Especially for a punch that is only used to create the storyline narrative, establish the multi and get a little dig in, you can't allow it to be as wordy or as overall forced as this. It really takes away from the main punch which follows.

The nurses part is weird. Wasnt human centipede just one doctor? I could be wrong but that seemed a bit off to me. Punch was delivered okay but badly hindered by over manufacturing beforehand and a very forced building up lone.


EtH wishes he was YOU WISH, nothin' he RHYMES IS DECENT, THOUGH. I'll "bury this grunt at Arlington National" since he wanna "DIE TO BE UNKNOWN"! #DieSlow[/QUOTE]

I think what's so good about this line is I have no idea what Arlington National is, and I completely don't need to. You've framed the line well enough that I completely get what you mean and the impact lands without me having to know it. In regards to the earlier line when I said punchlines are supposed to be snappy and the reference style of adding in a "phrase on the theme" in the previous line is pointless, this is an example of a straight up punchline. It rests on the merits of its delivery and concept. Sure, the writer could have said "No one would give YOU As (UAs)" or some shit to "quantify the punch" but it's completely pointless. Write a punch and deliver it, just like was the case here. You don't need to over engineer anything when the line has been designed clearly with good intent and impact.
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Unread 04-05-2020, 08:57 PM   #8
 
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You're on "life support" in the Tag tourney. Only RIGHT THAT A BULL'S YOUR CRUTCH! "I provide all of ya dope lines", 'n it's TIME THAT I "PULL YA PLUG"!

Dead the reference style. Mentioning life support in the first bar, completely out of the context of any punch, doesn't add to the second line. Putting quotations around it is like saying "Oh, include this too". It's not included.

The "provide all of your dope lines" reference seemed unrelated to anything. You didn't mention or set any precedent for either you ghostwriting, or you inspiring the best lines. I'm not entirely sure how a "DOPE line" would relate to life support, unless you're a huge fan of life support technology and think the lifeline visualization is dope as hell.


You won't "push the right buttons" goin' up against ya FAVORITE RHYMER. If you're "makin moves that'll do some damage"? You're just busy bein' a GAME DESIGNER!

Again, the push the buttons isn't included. It's miles away from the punch. You can't be like "Fir real, "Alaska" bitch what shes doing tonight and then we'll go on a date and then we might see what we do from there....LIKE AMERICAN STATES. Punches need to be quick and snappy and you're trying to write half the punch before the punchline even starts. Good metaphor usage as this is always a fresher way to deliver than a traditional simile.

He'll say he's my "father-figure", but I'm in an echelon that EtH'S REACHIN FOR. When I ended AC's? Ya said-I'm-a-faggot, Dave, 'til I "made it big, 'n ya mooched off my success-'n-my-accolades" - you're a "DEAD BEAT", FOR SURE! Invested in Turnbulls cause of RULE. You hate that he's someone LETSBEEF ADORES. Ironic: you used us to "put a price on his head" cause he lives "RENT FREE IN YOURS"!

It gets a little wordy in the centre. I think it's a syllable too long, probably the "off" word. Obviously this is needed, but it's probably slightly too long and chops the flow a slight amount. I'm not sure I understand what the play is supposed to be with DEAD BEAT. I can't see any wordplay in there but it's sign posted as if there should be

I can't say much about the scheme because if the dead beat line does have some original flip then it'd be well executed and tells a good story. However if not, there's too much added and it's too beefy to compliment the rhyming or story.

The punch was an original delivery which made it feel very fresh. Not your typical flippy delivery of a standard punch, it's delivered more organically to this specific line. Sometimes lines can be put together in ways that others won't be, so that allows for this unique way to use the wordplay but not rely on any flips or metaphors.


You're always tryna stick-it-to-the-man til they hit-you-w/-a-ban cause ya got yaself conVINCED YOU'VE EXPOSED THE TRUTH! You "readin' the tea leaves is makin me drop ya bag in the water" but this ain't LIPTON I'VE CHOSE TO BREW! You're on that "human centipede swag": nurses'll have STITCHES GET SEWN IN YOU cause "your mouth's been connected to all that SHIT YOU'VE BEEN GOIN' THROUGH"!

i wasn't going to talk about punches or concepts, but when writing a Liptons ice tea line, realize you're writing a Liptons ice tea line and stop it. Waaaay too wordy in the tea delivery too. Especially for a punch that is only used to create the storyline narrative, establish the multi and get a little dig in, you can't allow it to be as wordy or as overall forced as this. It really takes away from the main punch which follows.

The nurses part is weird. Wasnt human centipede just one doctor? I could be wrong but that seemed a bit off to me. Punch was delivered okay but badly hindered by over manufacturing beforehand and a very forced building up lone.


EtH wishes he was YOU WISH, nothin' he RHYMES IS DECENT, THOUGH. I'll "bury this grunt at Arlington National" since he wanna "DIE TO BE UNKNOWN"! #DieSlow[/QUOTE]

I think what's so good about this line is I have no idea what Arlington National is, and I completely don't need to. You've framed the line well enough that I completely get what you mean and the impact lands without me having to know it. In regards to the earlier line when I said punchlines are supposed to be snappy and the reference style of adding in a "phrase on the theme" in the previous line is pointless, this is an example of a straight up punchline. It rests on the merits of its delivery and concept. Sure, the writer could have said "No one would give YOU As (UAs)" or some shit to "quantify the punch" but it's completely pointless. Write a punch and deliver it, just like was the case here. You don't need to over engineer anything when the line has been designed clearly with good intent and impact.
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Unread 04-05-2020, 09:16 PM
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"i cant be bothered voting on your wack-ass lyrics"

Eth tryina be the bad guy now instead of the victim lol ... thats pretty cool man. Shows insecurity actually ... ... In every possible way


Why can't u open up nigga? think its soft? lol .... Congrats your the 1 person above emotions. If anything , that doesn't make u smart ... Studies suggest lack of emotions come from low intelligence ... ie insects. It's a smart person thing ... S'why rainy got a bigger heart, and a higher IQ


Ur words are pretty tough looking tho atleast the old Rebel-with-a-tragic-past-so-he-has-trouble-opening-up gimmick looks nice on ya
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Unread 04-05-2020, 09:16 PM   #9
 
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"i cant be bothered voting on your wack-ass lyrics"

Eth tryina be the bad guy now instead of the victim lol ... thats pretty cool man. Shows insecurity actually ... ... In every possible way


Why can't u open up nigga? think its soft? lol .... Congrats your the 1 person above emotions. If anything , that doesn't make u smart ... Studies suggest lack of emotions come from low intelligence ... ie insects. It's a smart person thing ... S'why rainy got a bigger heart, and a higher IQ


Ur words are pretty tough looking tho atleast the old Rebel-with-a-tragic-past-so-he-has-trouble-opening-up gimmick looks nice on ya
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Unread 04-05-2020, 09:17 PM
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Originally Posted by Celsius View Post
Here break down this


You're on "life support" in the Tag tourney. Only RIGHT THAT A BULL'S YOUR CRUTCH! "I provide all of ya dope lines", 'n it's TIME THAT I "PULL YA PLUG"! You won't "push the right buttons" goin' up against ya FAVORITE RHYMER. If you're "makin moves that'll do some damage"? You're just busy bein' a GAME DESIGNER! He'll say he's my "father-figure", but I'm in an echelon that EtH'S REACHIN FOR. When I ended AC's? Ya said-I'm-a-faggot, Dave, 'til I "made it big, 'n ya mooched off my success-'n-my-accolades" - you're a "DEAD BEAT", FOR SURE! Invested in Turnbulls cause of RULE. You hate that he's someone LETSBEEF ADORES. Ironic: you used us to "put a price on his head" cause he lives "RENT FREE IN YOURS"! You're always tryna stick-it-to-the-man til they hit-you-w/-a-ban cause ya got yaself conVINCED YOU'VE EXPOSED THE TRUTH! You "readin' the tea leaves is makin me drop ya bag in the water" but this ain't LIPTON I'VE CHOSE TO BREW! You're on that "human centipede swag": nurses'll have STITCHES GET SEWN IN YOU cause "your mouth's been connected to all that SHIT YOU'VE BEEN GOIN' THROUGH"! EtH wishes he was YOU WISH, nothin' he RHYMES IS DECENT, THOUGH. I'll "bury this grunt at Arlington National" since he wanna "DIE TO BE UNKNOWN"! #DieSlow
LOL you’re wrong for this
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Unread 04-05-2020, 09:17 PM   #10
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Celsius View Post
Here break down this


You're on "life support" in the Tag tourney. Only RIGHT THAT A BULL'S YOUR CRUTCH! "I provide all of ya dope lines", 'n it's TIME THAT I "PULL YA PLUG"! You won't "push the right buttons" goin' up against ya FAVORITE RHYMER. If you're "makin moves that'll do some damage"? You're just busy bein' a GAME DESIGNER! He'll say he's my "father-figure", but I'm in an echelon that EtH'S REACHIN FOR. When I ended AC's? Ya said-I'm-a-faggot, Dave, 'til I "made it big, 'n ya mooched off my success-'n-my-accolades" - you're a "DEAD BEAT", FOR SURE! Invested in Turnbulls cause of RULE. You hate that he's someone LETSBEEF ADORES. Ironic: you used us to "put a price on his head" cause he lives "RENT FREE IN YOURS"! You're always tryna stick-it-to-the-man til they hit-you-w/-a-ban cause ya got yaself conVINCED YOU'VE EXPOSED THE TRUTH! You "readin' the tea leaves is makin me drop ya bag in the water" but this ain't LIPTON I'VE CHOSE TO BREW! You're on that "human centipede swag": nurses'll have STITCHES GET SEWN IN YOU cause "your mouth's been connected to all that SHIT YOU'VE BEEN GOIN' THROUGH"! EtH wishes he was YOU WISH, nothin' he RHYMES IS DECENT, THOUGH. I'll "bury this grunt at Arlington National" since he wanna "DIE TO BE UNKNOWN"! #DieSlow
LOL you’re wrong for this
 
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