LBTT March: Esso vs Far Out KawnceptZ

[Insuppressible]

Far out Kawnceptz: it was a good read. I felt the flow in the first stanza was a bit off. You took an interesting approach to the image. This whole concept of 'greed' and how it may affect the people. Similes were ok, some felt like they were just put in their/ like a whore/ didn't feel like that was a good one to take considering the approach you took. Towards the end you began to reciprocrate what you were attempting to write throughout your topical which is important. Your ending wasn't much of a twist, but it did have a good message.

Esso: pretty good. had to read twice so i can completely understand what your topical was about and that is not a critique. From what i understand the way the American system teaches the youth about the Four Fathers is watered down to the point where a lot of information is cut out. I like how you, not subliminaly, brought in the tribes that were massacred during the 'beginnings of america'. Brings a sense of depth to your topical. Your whole verse felt like something a person in those days would compose, you know? In terms of critique i would've like to see a few metaphors or similies, perhaps that would've painted a more vivid picture of your topical.

Overall: this is close. Each had their own ways of composing a topical. I felt that Esso was more consistent w/ his approach that he took, but FOK was more striking.

MVGT - Esso. The OVERALL metaphor of the picture w/ his topic was slightly better than FOK.

[Insuppressible]

Far out Kawnceptz: it was a good read. I felt the flow in the first stanza was a bit off. You took an interesting approach to the image. This whole concept of 'greed' and how it may affect the people. Similes were ok, some felt like they were just put in their/ like a whore/ didn't feel like that was a good one to take considering the approach you took. Towards the end you began to reciprocrate what you were attempting to write throughout your topical which is important. Your ending wasn't much of a twist, but it did have a good message.

Esso: pretty good. had to read twice so i can completely understand what your topical was about and that is not a critique. From what i understand the way the American system teaches the youth about the Four Fathers is watered down to the point where a lot of information is cut out. I like how you, not subliminaly, brought in the tribes that were massacred during the 'beginnings of america'. Brings a sense of depth to your topical. Your whole verse felt like something a person in those days would compose, you know? In terms of critique i would've like to see a few metaphors or similies, perhaps that would've painted a more vivid picture of your topical.

Overall: this is close. Each had their own ways of composing a topical. I felt that Esso was more consistent w/ his approach that he took, but FOK was more striking.

MVGT - Esso. The OVERALL metaphor of the picture w/ his topic was slightly better than FOK.