ATT ROUND 2: Writer 6 Vs Writer 11 - (Writer 6 Wins 3-0) - Lets Beef

The Law · #3 06-29-2013, 05:35 PM

Writer 6: I liked the approach you brought of each person speaking back and forth to one another. I enjoyed the deep conversation you brought also and it flowed well. If there was anytime were the vocab usage could have been too much, this is definitely it. I felt because of your vocab usage it took away from the emotion and intensity of actually picturing the two people saying each piece to each other. Just think about, who really talks like that, especially since this isn't a modern picture. It'd be a conversation between two people from the past, so you should make your verse put your readers in their time, and their shoes. Try to create a dialogue from their point of view, with the way they would actually talk. The way it was written made me feel like it was some very upscaled twilight conversation between bella and edward. With the approach that you brought, would have been the time to dumb it down a bit, and focus on the emotion and make the readers feel exactly what they are going through.

Writer 11: The piece written as a story was decent. I would have liked a bit more build up and imagery around the situation that was taking place. You kinda just went right into and left somethings open. The twist that you brought was nice, however, it has to be executed much better, but props for attempting it. It's very hard to take that type of approach and make the piece work together. The flow was good. As relating to the picture, it did and it didn't. I see were you brought a bit of the imagery from the picture into his mind and what your character was imaging, however, that doesn't really follow a topic from the picture itself. With all that being said, the imagery that you brought using the picture could have been much much better.

Overall: Both had their good points and their down points in this battle. I give both recognition for their drops. After the first read, I do feel like I have my vote already. Both brought different approaches to the table, and both had their flaws from using these approaches. I do think one executed their approach a bit better here.

My vote: Writer 6

The Law · 06-29-2013, 05:35 PM

Writer 6: I liked the approach you brought of each person speaking back and forth to one another. I enjoyed the deep conversation you brought also and it flowed well. If there was anytime were the vocab usage could have been too much, this is definitely it. I felt because of your vocab usage it took away from the emotion and intensity of actually picturing the two people saying each piece to each other. Just think about, who really talks like that, especially since this isn't a modern picture. It'd be a conversation between two people from the past, so you should make your verse put your readers in their time, and their shoes. Try to create a dialogue from their point of view, with the way they would actually talk. The way it was written made me feel like it was some very upscaled twilight conversation between bella and edward. With the approach that you brought, would have been the time to dumb it down a bit, and focus on the emotion and make the readers feel exactly what they are going through.

Writer 11: The piece written as a story was decent. I would have liked a bit more build up and imagery around the situation that was taking place. You kinda just went right into and left somethings open. The twist that you brought was nice, however, it has to be executed much better, but props for attempting it. It's very hard to take that type of approach and make the piece work together. The flow was good. As relating to the picture, it did and it didn't. I see were you brought a bit of the imagery from the picture into his mind and what your character was imaging, however, that doesn't really follow a topic from the picture itself. With all that being said, the imagery that you brought using the picture could have been much much better.

Overall: Both had their good points and their down points in this battle. I give both recognition for their drops. After the first read, I do feel like I have my vote already. Both brought different approaches to the table, and both had their flaws from using these approaches. I do think one executed their approach a bit better here.

My vote: Writer 6


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