Quote:
Originally Posted by Molly
@ Erupt when do grades go in professor? |
Grades will start coming in shortly! After the end of each 3 day writing period i will then have 4 days to break down each verse fully, then the next week will start my nigggs, and etc..etc
Edit:
--------WEEK ONE GRADES------ (Will go here)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unyqe
My divine punches produce ALE'S/L'S I KEEP EXPORTED so I stay MAILIN' THESE FOOLS MORE CLIPS, so 'wine' n my 'cantina/can 'Tina' will DAMAGE FOLKS sending the HAMMER LOW/HAM 'MERLOT' when SPILLED IT LEAVES THE FLOOR RED!!
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Ait bro.... this is going to be brutal... but i know you can deal with it.. lol
Ale's / L's .. ehhh i guess it works sorta, but you could find wayyy better wording...
so I stay MAILIN' THESE FOOLS MORE CLIPS .... read that aloud, does the wording sound forced to you? its pretty forced man, and youre Mailing fools clips? I get what youre saying, that youre exporting clips but how does that pertain to your opponent, what you gonna hurt him because he is going to recieve clips via the mail? lol nah man, doesnt work....
so 'wine' n my 'cantina/can 'Tina' will DAMAGE FOLKS sending the HAMMER LOW/HAM 'MERLOT' when SPILLED IT LEAVES THE FLOOR RED
the first part about the wine is straight... i guess you named your can tina...? lol its a little forced but better than everything else. you have a HAM MERLOT? WHAT? lol so youre trying to say your Merlot is going Ham i get it but why are you sending your hammer low? lol
The wordplay was real iffy in this..... the multis were also suspect.. forced at times... delivery wasnt bad but needs a lot of work.... readability isnt really bad but its not good because of the forced multis...
Teachers Advice
Okay so its deff your freshman year, My advice to you is to stick to simpler concepts, and read your stuff aloud to make sure it reads smoothly, Use simpler multis, somtimes you have to take a step back to take one forward.
Rating
.Flow-4
.Delivery/swag-4
.Multis-4
.Punches-4
.Readablility-4
.Entire bar relevance -8 ... although the concepts were horrible, the relevance was good you stayed on point with that. SO good job with that.
Mean Score
You scored
47% on this weeks test. And Failed. Use the advice I gave to get a better score next week!
Quote:
Originally Posted by InZane123
'Fuck Politics'..ya Chick's TWERKIN' HER HOLE 'WORKIN' THA POLLS', lettin' APES SPRAY SEAMEN n Fuck an 'ARGU-MENT' I'll turn ya 'PARTY RED' if you 'DeBATE ZANE'S SPEAKIN' // Ya RHYMIN'-AIN'T-HOT so if you 'WINE-N-TAKE-SHOTS' then I'll STRAIGHT A BEAT HIM! YA GUYS? THEY'LL SHOUT ABUSE 'til ya "ConFIDING 'BOUT THE BOO'S" like FINDING OUT THE TRUTH in an "A.A MEETIN'!"..
@ Erupt |
Flow- 8- The flow was actually pretty damn good, the only thing that i would say that took away a point is this...
ya RHYMIN'-AIN'T-HOT
so if you 'WINE-N-TAKE-SHOTS' then
I'll STRAIGHT A BEAT HIM ...
... the straight A part was a lil forced, but that wasnt the issue, it was the word choice, the first part of the bar you were talking to him, then at the end you were talking about him, messed up the flow, try to either talk to the opponent or about the opponent when writing a line.
Multis-8- you did a good job with the multis, try to match the syllables a lil more, and your grade will go higher. good job with this!
Delivery--7 .. was good... but what messed you up was what i mentioned above that little slip up, def not a bad delivery tho.
Punches-6 both punches were average punches, nothing complex at all, could have done better in this category, read some of the doper text heads to get an idea of how to move forward, think outside the box.. your score went up due to the fact you had more than one punch... but the two didnt coincide.
[B]Readability-7- Was actually pretty good, I wouldnt cap so many words tho, if you could lower case the inner multis that might help for a smoother read.
Entire Bar Relevance
- 5- Overall I like the fact you put a punch in, but the beginning didnt coincide with the last bars... the subject was alcohol.. try to make the bar stay on topic the whole way through.
This weeks grade -
68%
- not bad, its a D but still not good enuff to graduate from the freshman class. Use my tips for next week to move forward! I like what im seeing so far tho.
Teachers Advice
Dont cap all the multis, the reader will pick up on it , this will help for a smoother flow until you master them. The inner multis I wouldnt cap. Also, when you get time read some of the better textcees verses, or better yet, since youre an audio head ... watch this guy named, Heartless , on youtube, he is very creative.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phoenix
I'll 'intoxicate your mind' n take over I'm the MESSIAH,SCARY DWELLER 'reprobate you outta society' you a PARIAH, WARY FELLER punches make his 'brain mellow' dna over the place leave u a slain fellow n make ur soul 'spirits of wine' like MARIAH CAREY CELLAR
This is prolly bad but yeah I'll wait for feedback.
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Flow-
3-I'm the MESSIAH
,SCARY DWELLER 'reprobate you outta society' you a PARIAH
, WARY .... this line messed up your flow points... wasnt too smooth, not only did the word choice seem off , but the using the "," in back to back punches doesnt help the flow at all... also... it took too long to get from this multi...PARIAH, WARY FELLER .. to this multi...MARIAH CAREY CELLAR..to much space between the two and takes away from the punch.
.Delivery/wording- 3-Once again see above the wording was off due to the choice of words, and the space between multi to multi in the last line made it not hit.
.Multis-4 Multis did match, but werent the best selection, and they were few and far between.
.Punches-5-there were punches in this , nothing too strong but they were there,,
.Readablility-6 once again this is a flow problem... it wasnt too much clutter,
.Entire bar relevance -4 your first bar had nothing to do with the topic, if you want to add punches to a bar, try to make them connect on topic with the last bar.
Grade -
41%
Teachers Advice
Work on not forcing the multis, if it doesnt read smooth to you, then cross it out, try to stay on topic with the topic the entire bar, dont have soo much space between multi and multi.
Quote:
Originally Posted by EDS
Like heads or a "beer?" I "STILL CRACK OPEN" KILL RAP NOISES, cause if its snakes in the grass?you "STILL LACK POISON!" bite a rap? You DRILL BACK FOAMIN, for that bread you need, sober up. Get shot. Too REAL? BLACK...TOASTED! Try n STEAL THAT FLOW ISH? you can beg when I grab your leg. Pertend it's a keg, my MEALS TAPPED FLOWING.
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Flow- 4-Ait the flow wasnt bad.... the verse flowed decent, work on the word choice and try to lose some of the fancy designs.
.Delivery/wording-4- the delivery wasnt bad but the wording was terrible, mainly due to word choice.... REAL? BLACK...TOASTED!....Pertend it's a keg, my MEALS TAPPED FLOWING. i get the punch... but the way it was worded was bad... the word choice was bad which messed up the delivery
.Multis-5- Once again there were alot of multis but alot of them were forced... try not to force them, read it aloud to make sure it makes sense
.Punches- 5- there were punches,but they werent that dope, keep up the same consistancy, but try to be a little more direct.
.Readablility-4 the readability wasnt bad,but the way the multis flow messed up the read.
.Entire bar relevance-7 i noticed you stayed on topic for the most part, good job,
Grade-
48%
Teachers Advice
work on not forcing the multis... read it aloud... lose some of the designs... good job staying on topic... try not to force a concept. READ IT ALOUD.
Quote:
Originally Posted by FiNAL WoRD
ud 'do anything for a high'', one day you'll Drown-in-vomit so stop n think, u aint never workin shit aint 'Never earned a chip', he aint never bin Proud at all his accomplishments? nahh! hes always 'lookin for sympathy in the bars' that he Drown all his sob Sorrows in..but my shots are piff, its like a Mouth of chronic/a shot of criss with a remaining ounce of pot pitched after you down a shot wit vodka its!, gottem 'throwin back at random' now hes 'In need of help'...alcoholics anonymous
@ Erupt , shup shuuuun |
Flow-7-ait the flow wasnt bad at all. flowed pretty smooth, had a small issue when reading, use some type of "/" or "." for pauses at the end of each main multi set otherwise the reader might get lost in it.
.Delivery/swag-6 delivery was decent, what messed up your score is the delivery on the last bar... the multis werent set up right for it to hit with its full effect.
.Multis-7- multis were there... try to use more extensive multi sets, that will boost ya score.
.Punches-5-the punches werent great, the sympathy behind his bars punch was actually better than the alcohol anon punch..... if you can i would lose the "....." before you got to that punch... it just seems like you cant find a way to word it properly.
.Readablility- 7-once again find a better way to seperate the main multis, that comes with delivery, other than that it was decent.
.Entire bar relevance -9 - you did a great job with this, the entire bar almost was relevent...... GOOD JOB.
Grade-
68% + 5pts extra credit... 73%
Teachers Advice
Work on structure, so that it reads smoother if you plan to not cap your multis... Try to use longer multi sets, up the creativity of the punches, also try to fix the delivery to maximize the impact of the punch.
[quote=Mind Fuck;864346]A -shot? What you WANT W/ FUCK?? Thought that you was weiser cause your BUZZING BUD.. guess I'll show you WHAT IS UP when showing you your 'too titty' to duke wit me bringing new meaning to DOUBLE CUPPED//
@
Erupt
Flow- 8- ait flow was smooth, was a smooth read.
.Delivery/swag-8 delivery was good, i would have added another multi set to the last bar to make it hit harder......
.Multis-6-multis were there mainly in the last bar, bud lets try to use longer multi sets, the set you used here was 2 syllables, the middle of it didnt rhyme, use atleast 3 rhyming syllables in a text verse.
.Punches- 7-Punches were there, first was worded good, good job by adding two in there, they werent exactly heavyweight tho, still decent.
.Readablility-8 very readable verse here... had no problem with that..
.Entire bar relevance - 9 you stayed on point with this.
Grade-
77% - GREAT JOB! ONE MORE SCORE OVER 75 PERCENT AND YOU GRADUATE FROM THE FRESHMAN CLASS!
Teachers Advice
Use longer multi sets, try to incorporate more of an audio flow with the inner multis, up the creativity, also work on the delivery, knowing when and where to place multis to make them hit harder.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Molly
K. Just a second give me 3 minutes.
---------- Post added at 05:05 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:57 PM ----------
This clown needs to 'chill-out'! like SKIING ATTIRE.. just FLEXXIN like he's MEAN and does more 'IMPRESSIONS in the RING' than a C.Z. DeSIGNER/ His 8 line battles? the READING IS FIRE.. for HALF THE DROP, THEN GETS WEAK! so if he 'HAS A SHOT, w/ SIX-TEENS' he was DRINKING WITH MINORS!!!/
Cz is cubic zirconia btw..
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Flow-9-okay the flow was dope here, good job
.Delivery/swag-7-delivery was good, could have been better on the last line,
.Multis-8-multis were there, and actually pretty damn good
.Punches-7- the opener was better than the closer, the closer was a little mediocre for my taste
.Readablility- 9 , it was very readable
.Entire bar relevance 6- first bar didnt relate to the subject at hand , try to stay on topic for the whole time
Grade-
77%- Great job! one more week over 75% and you will advance into sophomore status!
Teachers Advice
What took away from your punch score was the fact it didnt relate to the entire bar..... thats what hurt your score here... multis were good, add a little more of an audio feel to them and you will be right there.... Keep the entire bar on point!