These were fairly interesting to read although, as Streetz said, both were taken in a predictable direction. Not that this is a bad thing at all, just sometimes, it is actually a lot harder to do well with a played-out concept, even when it seems riskier to take things in an odd direction.
XK - I felt that yours worked as a complete 'document' if not as a complete story. It didn't keep my attention all the way through as it was kind of long winded at times. I think you could have kept the same solid strong ideas, but delivered them more snappily. This would allow the focus to be on the art of the storyteller, rather than the bombardment of details. Flow was kinda patchy, but solid enough.
Doom - I know flow never makes or breaks a piece, but yours was really jumpy. Some parts of it flowed really well, in the way I read and interpreted it, but others really lagged. The concept of cancer within poetry/cyphers/storytelling is one that is really deep and evocative, and meaningful to a lot of people, and there's a danger of being insensitive. I think you just about dodged that, by relying on regular personifications of Illness as a metaphor. It worked well.
I find this quite a tough one to call - none jump out as me as amazing, and none jumps out as being wildly better than the other. I think I'm gonna have to vote for Doom on this one, because it kept my gaze much easier and the ideas were organised in a way which lent itself well to the topic.
Keep powering on gentleman. JJ
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