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Unread 06-12-2015, 05:30 PM
Student
LB Historian
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 10,276
Mentioned: 2492 Post(s)
Tagged: 46 Thread(s)
Estimated Skill in Text: 6.63/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.63/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.63/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.63/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.63/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.63/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.91/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.91/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.91/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.91/10 stars
Ranked Text Record
97 Won / 75 Lost
Exclusive Text Record
6 Won / 2 Lost
Default

Dono: Overall it was great, the flow was completely on point and the rhyming seemed basic but it wasn't which is hard to achieve. The letter had a lot of creative imagery and was by itself an interesting anecdote. My only critique would be why Richard was writing to John at all if he was already dead but I guess it could be interpreted as a coping mechanism for Richard to move on in writing a letter which would never be mailed or read by his lover. Another way to look at it would be that the picture is what Richard is imaging John being killed in his dreams and is writing to let John know his feelings just in case John dies tragically. That's what I liked about this piece it could be interpreted many ways but either way it's solid, only the background is what's questioned not the actual content of your vision. Good job on this man.

Lockhart: First of all I liked that you named it, there's something about naming something that immediately gives you a category in your mind about the piece. Overall I liked the story even if it was a bit clique and predictable. I understand you didn't have the many lines to fully describe the situation but it's a lot of information to get across. I feel like you could've just focused on one aspect of this story and given it a better viewpoint, more descriptive and with more imagery. Either way it was a good solid piece and you definitely have potential as far as story telling goes.

Vote: Dono, I felt like he conveyed his piece more accurately and overall just a bigger impact on me. That's not to say Lockhart had a shitty piece by any means, his writing astounds me but I felt like he had some flaws and structurally could've relayed the message in a better way.

In the end it's all based on opinion, there's no "science" to this so it really comes down to which one made you think more and feel something beyond the grammatical phrases, types of writing, speaking devices, etc.

Good job to both these guys, you're both very very good at this.
Unread 06-12-2015, 05:30 PM   #16
 
Student
LB Historian
Estimated Skill in Text: 6.63/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.63/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.63/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.63/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.63/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.63/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.91/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.91/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.91/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.91/10 stars
Ranked Text Record
97 Won / 75 Lost
Exclusive Text Record
6 Won / 2 Lost
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Voted: 98 audio / 587 text
Posts: 10,276
Mentioned: 2492 Post(s)
Tagged: 46 Thread(s)


Default

Dono: Overall it was great, the flow was completely on point and the rhyming seemed basic but it wasn't which is hard to achieve. The letter had a lot of creative imagery and was by itself an interesting anecdote. My only critique would be why Richard was writing to John at all if he was already dead but I guess it could be interpreted as a coping mechanism for Richard to move on in writing a letter which would never be mailed or read by his lover. Another way to look at it would be that the picture is what Richard is imaging John being killed in his dreams and is writing to let John know his feelings just in case John dies tragically. That's what I liked about this piece it could be interpreted many ways but either way it's solid, only the background is what's questioned not the actual content of your vision. Good job on this man.

Lockhart: First of all I liked that you named it, there's something about naming something that immediately gives you a category in your mind about the piece. Overall I liked the story even if it was a bit clique and predictable. I understand you didn't have the many lines to fully describe the situation but it's a lot of information to get across. I feel like you could've just focused on one aspect of this story and given it a better viewpoint, more descriptive and with more imagery. Either way it was a good solid piece and you definitely have potential as far as story telling goes.

Vote: Dono, I felt like he conveyed his piece more accurately and overall just a bigger impact on me. That's not to say Lockhart had a shitty piece by any means, his writing astounds me but I felt like he had some flaws and structurally could've relayed the message in a better way.

In the end it's all based on opinion, there's no "science" to this so it really comes down to which one made you think more and feel something beyond the grammatical phrases, types of writing, speaking devices, etc.

Good job to both these guys, you're both very very good at this.
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