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Unread 07-29-2013, 07:34 PM
The Law
Basic Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 340
Mentioned: 142 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Estimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.83/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.83/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.83/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.83/10 stars
Ranked Text Record
11 Won / 6 Lost
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Black Book: Before I even read it, your structure looks like shit because your lines are way overworded. But I won't discredit that from your verse, I am just putting that out there. Not a bad drop, but definitely was not your best either. I felt your vocab and flow was okay. Surprised do to the long ass fucking lines, but you did keep the flow still, I will give you that. I thought you could have went a little more in depth with your story, as well as been a bit more descriptive. I thought there was many parts of your verse that lacked in the imagery category. I guess I can put it this way.. I expected more from you, but you didn't disappoint be either.

Harizon: I wasn't really feeling your storyline progression in this verse. You could have done a much better paving your verse from the beginning to the end. You did a better job with vocab and imagery than Black Book did though. I actually think it was your vocab and word usage that hurt you in this one. I think you tried to do a little too much in that direction. The flow of it all was okay though.

MGVT: Black Book - Overall I don't even think this was close. I'm surprised that HaRizon got votes here (no offense). Black Book had a solid piece, it obviously wasn't his best verse at all, but it was solid with no mistakes. It had a decent storyline that he progressed through and I thought HaRizon could have done a better job in doing that. Stay up though, I can tell your a great topical writer.
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Unread 07-29-2013, 07:34 PM   #8
 
The Law
Basic Member
Estimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.83/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.83/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.83/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6.83/10 stars
Ranked Text Record
11 Won / 6 Lost
 
Join Date: May 2013
Voted: 0 audio / 0 text
Posts: 340
Mentioned: 142 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Default

Black Book: Before I even read it, your structure looks like shit because your lines are way overworded. But I won't discredit that from your verse, I am just putting that out there. Not a bad drop, but definitely was not your best either. I felt your vocab and flow was okay. Surprised do to the long ass fucking lines, but you did keep the flow still, I will give you that. I thought you could have went a little more in depth with your story, as well as been a bit more descriptive. I thought there was many parts of your verse that lacked in the imagery category. I guess I can put it this way.. I expected more from you, but you didn't disappoint be either.

Harizon: I wasn't really feeling your storyline progression in this verse. You could have done a much better paving your verse from the beginning to the end. You did a better job with vocab and imagery than Black Book did though. I actually think it was your vocab and word usage that hurt you in this one. I think you tried to do a little too much in that direction. The flow of it all was okay though.

MGVT: Black Book - Overall I don't even think this was close. I'm surprised that HaRizon got votes here (no offense). Black Book had a solid piece, it obviously wasn't his best verse at all, but it was solid with no mistakes. It had a decent storyline that he progressed through and I thought HaRizon could have done a better job in doing that. Stay up though, I can tell your a great topical writer.
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