Black Book, this was alright. I felt you did okay with the rhyming and flow, and you kept on topical well throughout. I just didn't feel that I really got much from the story. God wanted a sacrifice, the holy man got himself turned into a sheep and sacrificed himself. It just seems like it's that straight forward and I didn't feel any images of emotions really bursting through.
Stor...HaRizon, , I didn't really like how you bounced around several different topics. You had a bit of drug addiction in there, a 9/11 reference I think, some lack of freedom talk at the end. All in all, I just feel it wasn't quite as original as I'd like to see from you. The flow was choppy one or twice too, as I felt you through an extra word in at places that didn't need one. You also could have easily improved the lyricism slightly. You opted to go for one word rhyming over a very manageable multi rhyme scheme, which to me would have added a little boost to the pice.
Overall, this could have been an awesome one between two of the best guys we've got signed up on LB, but I don't feel either really delivered here. One had a little bit more depth and sucked me into their story slightly more, so I edge that way.
Black Book GETS MY VOTE
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