Writer 4, I'll start with the few negatives I found. Up until the gap in paragraphs, I didn't have any conception of what you were writing about. I couldn't really see anything that indicated the direction we were heading in and felt it didn't really add to the story. When we got into the actual topic, I felt you were quite generic. Drugs and broken heart, it's nothing we haven't seen before. Now for the positives. I felt your writing was done VERY well. You had alliteration at your disposal, a great choice of words, good rhyming for the most part, and the ending was a great idea. I feel that your original idea let you down here, but your writing style alone was superb and if you manage to get a solid concept down before you start putting pen to paper, you'll be able to produce a classic piece.
Writer 6, to start I HATED the metaphors. They had absolutely no bearing on the piece. Your character is supposed to be one confined by this hourglass for his existence, so why is there references to school truants, racist mentions of the eyes of an Asian, and the US embassy? If you're going to use metaphors, use some things that the character could actually have some concept of. I felt the story was very original. You had some great flow and rhyming early, but I felt you got a little worse in this aspect. I kept feeling that there would be some reason you named him Scott or something, but it never arose. I felt like I was constantly trying to come up with an interpretation or flip to what you were saying, but it never came.
Overall, a surprisingly close one. Writer 4 brought the flawless writing style, while Writer 6 brought an original story. To me, the one who takes this displayed more talents and was a more visual piece. Good shit guys.
MVGT// Writer 4
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