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Unread 07-13-2013, 10:26 PM
Iron Mike
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 319
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4 Won / 0 Lost
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Pretty interesting and enjoyable read from both. Both writers had really nice flow. I felt Writer 4's flow and use of language was slightly better though. The only thing I didn't like about Writer 4's piece was the second part where he was talking about an ex girlfriend or something. I understood how he was trying to tie it into the hourglass theme. In the end, he even mentions that seeing her today is what "flipped his hourglass." I still felt it was kinda going in a different direction and took away from the momentum that had been built up from reading the first part.
Writer 6 had an equal skill level, but the writing style was slightly less enjoyable to me personally. However, Writer 6 told a better story. Incorporating Kronos, the keeper of time, and the people in the hourglass's plot to escape was just more creative and imaginative to me. The only thing I didn't like was some of the metaphors used. You get kudos for using metaphors, but some of them seemed anachronistic and out of place. Like they wouldn't have been the type of comparison that someone who would tell such a story would make imo. This story seemed like something that would have taken place in ancient Greek mythology, so saying “rose like the US embassy" or "tighter than the eyes of Asians" was just off. If someone in ancient Greece or in an hourglass wanted to describe how tight something was, it probably wouldn't be that. You have to put yourself in their world and their time, not in ours (the readers). That's just my opinion anyways. Overall, with all things considered, my vote goes to Writer 6 just for the sheer creativity and how much more interesting the story was. Vote: Writer 6
Unread 07-13-2013, 10:26 PM   #6
 
Iron Mike
Estimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.44/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.44/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.44/10 stars
Ranked Text Record
4 Won / 0 Lost
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Voted: 0 audio / 34 text
Posts: 319
Mentioned: 84 Post(s)
Tagged: 1 Thread(s)
Default

Pretty interesting and enjoyable read from both. Both writers had really nice flow. I felt Writer 4's flow and use of language was slightly better though. The only thing I didn't like about Writer 4's piece was the second part where he was talking about an ex girlfriend or something. I understood how he was trying to tie it into the hourglass theme. In the end, he even mentions that seeing her today is what "flipped his hourglass." I still felt it was kinda going in a different direction and took away from the momentum that had been built up from reading the first part.
Writer 6 had an equal skill level, but the writing style was slightly less enjoyable to me personally. However, Writer 6 told a better story. Incorporating Kronos, the keeper of time, and the people in the hourglass's plot to escape was just more creative and imaginative to me. The only thing I didn't like was some of the metaphors used. You get kudos for using metaphors, but some of them seemed anachronistic and out of place. Like they wouldn't have been the type of comparison that someone who would tell such a story would make imo. This story seemed like something that would have taken place in ancient Greek mythology, so saying “rose like the US embassy" or "tighter than the eyes of Asians" was just off. If someone in ancient Greece or in an hourglass wanted to describe how tight something was, it probably wouldn't be that. You have to put yourself in their world and their time, not in ours (the readers). That's just my opinion anyways. Overall, with all things considered, my vote goes to Writer 6 just for the sheer creativity and how much more interesting the story was. Vote: Writer 6
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