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Unread 05-20-2014, 08:28 PM
Wonderbred
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 521
Mentioned: 382 Post(s)
Tagged: 27 Thread(s)
Estimated Skill in Audio: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6/10 stars
Ranked Audio Record
1 Won / 0 Lost
Estimated Skill in Text: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.06/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.06/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.06/10 stars
Ranked Text Record
18 Won / 17 Lost
Default

@Subreal: I liked the gritty realism of your piece. You did a pretty good job with the imagery, and I thought you did a pretty solid job of sticking to the topic well. This might just be a personal thing, but I thought the idea of a veteran recalling his war memories was kind of cliche. You pulled it off well, but I just didn't feel like it was super original. Execution was solid, though. Your flow was really nice for the first few stanzas, although I thought it kind of hurt your verse when you strayed from that and went with single word rhymes for the last two. That said, I thought your closer was really powerful, and it really brought the piece together.

@Bleu: You went a more abstract route, which is generally a risky move, but you tied it into the topic a lot more than people usually do with that type of verse, so your gamble paid off. Your flow was on point throughout, you did a really good job with your multis and rhythm. Your second to last verse stuck out to me as especially strong. All of it had good imagery, which was a major plus in my book. I really have very few criticisms here, other than maybe one or two awkward multis or out-of-place lines (like investing in the market, that didn't seem very relevant). I think that if you can bring more concrete storylines, like providing more background info of the guy's breakup or something, maybe giving some dialogue about how she left, you can make some serious waves in the ATT. Overall, I was very impressed.

Solid drops by both of you, but
MVGT: Bleu
__________________
#FreeRohaan

"What the fuck is this dude even bustin' rhymes for?
You rap as good as George Bush justifies war,
And this dead broke bastard gets no laughter
Out late in Central Park lookin' for trenchcoat flashers

-Kid Twist

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fidel Z View Post
And Lastly...

Member Of The Year - Wonderbred.
Unread 05-20-2014, 08:28 PM   #5
 
Wonderbred
Estimated Skill in Audio: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Audio: 6/10 stars
Ranked Audio Record
1 Won / 0 Lost
Estimated Skill in Text: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 6/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.06/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.06/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.06/10 stars
Ranked Text Record
18 Won / 17 Lost
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Voted: 0 audio / 85 text
Posts: 521
Mentioned: 382 Post(s)
Tagged: 27 Thread(s)


Default

@Subreal: I liked the gritty realism of your piece. You did a pretty good job with the imagery, and I thought you did a pretty solid job of sticking to the topic well. This might just be a personal thing, but I thought the idea of a veteran recalling his war memories was kind of cliche. You pulled it off well, but I just didn't feel like it was super original. Execution was solid, though. Your flow was really nice for the first few stanzas, although I thought it kind of hurt your verse when you strayed from that and went with single word rhymes for the last two. That said, I thought your closer was really powerful, and it really brought the piece together.

@Bleu: You went a more abstract route, which is generally a risky move, but you tied it into the topic a lot more than people usually do with that type of verse, so your gamble paid off. Your flow was on point throughout, you did a really good job with your multis and rhythm. Your second to last verse stuck out to me as especially strong. All of it had good imagery, which was a major plus in my book. I really have very few criticisms here, other than maybe one or two awkward multis or out-of-place lines (like investing in the market, that didn't seem very relevant). I think that if you can bring more concrete storylines, like providing more background info of the guy's breakup or something, maybe giving some dialogue about how she left, you can make some serious waves in the ATT. Overall, I was very impressed.

Solid drops by both of you, but
MVGT: Bleu
__________________
#FreeRohaan

"What the fuck is this dude even bustin' rhymes for?
You rap as good as George Bush justifies war,
And this dead broke bastard gets no laughter
Out late in Central Park lookin' for trenchcoat flashers

-Kid Twist

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fidel Z View Post
And Lastly...

Member Of The Year - Wonderbred.
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