How I'd tweak it:
They say "Discouragements..?" I've Never heard of him
I'm murderous, servin' kids when I curve the pen
This whirlwind I'm in got me mixing up herb with gin
So now my rhymes are lazily written & through the haze I'm squintin
The fuckin' rage that's within him could make you a victim but I'm just..
Trying to find a reason I'm deserving to repent
My minds a maze; I'm Still Lurkin in the trench, searchin' for a friend but all I'm findin' is these motherfuckin' words I spit within',
I'll take a javeline to hurdle in ya skin & bring you back when you slip just to start murkin you again
Overall nice concepts, I was vibing to it. I didn't really do it much justice, but I tried lol. I would work on syllable counts the most.
Last edited by Babylon; 01-29-2014 at 03:50 AM.
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