Jamjar: This piece was quite powerful for me. You have a way of giving readers strong feeling without using descriptions that are too grandiose. I would fault you, however, on not creating something that adresses the topic directly. I see what you were doing there, but I think the connection is a little too loose, and I would also mention that the "eye of the storm" is a calm spot in a storm, so I'm not sure the term is used correctly in your 4th line. Also, the piece is maybe a bit lacking as far as a storyline goes. It's mostly conceptual, which is a style I prefer, but it seems that topicals on this site require more of a story (something I'm working on improving myself)
Fidel: This was pretty well written, and I thought the ending had some nice food for thought. A few spots had some nice imagery. The problem I have with it overall, is that I can't really get into your character's head. I don't know why he is in the situation he is in, and I don't know exactly how he feels due to some disjointed descriptions. I would like to know if he is actually being followed or if he justs feels that way, and why, for example. One last thing: Most topicals about a picture involve events happening at the time the picture would have been "taken" or events leading up to the pic, not events happening afterward; it just makes more sense and people will feel it more. All in all I enjoyed it, and I thought the last few lines were interesting.
Dysfunctional: This was just "iight for me" as Randy Jackson would say. It wasn't bad at all but I thought you could have done a lot more with a picture like this. It had the most tangible storyline of the three, I must say, but the story itself was sort of basic. One thing that weakened the story for me a lot was your choice of a length of three years. That's a bit silly to me and impossible. All in all this piece just needed a little bit of polishing and beefing up of the concepts, and like I said, it was the closest to an actual story of the three. It had some good parts too, it was just a bit inconsistent and basic overall.
1. Jamjar
2. Fidel Z
3. Dysfuntional
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