[ILLoKWENT]

ROUND 2 JUDGEMENT:
SKIN EC'S VOTE:
1-los
2-xk
3-nicholas
4-row
5-vs
6-prospect


EtH'S VOTE:
Los, remember that this is a diss bar. You bragged about having a gun and having money. That's okay for a cypher, but in EVERY line of this style, aim it at a target.

ProspectJS, I wouldn't call it a "trigger" on a slot machine, and the 99.9% of slot machines don't have "strikes". Also, how come you just said a completely irrelevant thing at the end. The concept was slot machine, NOTHING else.

Urban, when the punches thrown your corner for Nick? What does that mean? The idea with bars was pretty dope, but I don't get why you went to the order the drink route instead of sticking to the slot machine one.

Row, I don't really get how push luck, being engaged, and winning the slots connects? Are you saying that A wife would push her husband's luck if he was on a winning streak? To me, it was a big vague. Your rhyming wasn't top notch either.

Violent, I didn't really get the "sell your changed lot". I know your reference is that you win change or something, but I didn't really get where the flip was. Also, I feel you went a bit too long with your multi scheme.

XK, watch me pull the rod down? Is that a new "Take out my gun" reference? Never heard if before and suspect you made it up . This was okay with the splling your insides idea, and how you didn't go straight with a generic concept from the get go.

1. XplicitKontent
2. Los
3. Nicholas
4. Row
5. Violent Scripture
6. ProspectJS

ILLOKWENT VOTE

Originally Posted by ILLoKWENT

LOS

if u 'playin games' ill make u DROP n LEAN, if i jump u, u can try to DODGE THE BEAM and ill 'pull for money' till my 'screen fulla digits' like a SLOT MACHINE!!

^^^^^^^ i like the simplicity of the bars here, nothing too wordy, to the point, relavence couldve been a bit better, considering 'playing games' is ya only reference to ya concept.. which isnt really a strong buildup.. imo.. and what do you mean 'screen fulla digits?' yes it relates to slot machines, but majority of slot machines show either 7's or fruits.. or 'bars' , if your talkin bout stickin him up and pullin his money, how do you end up wit a screen, wouldnt ya pockets be fulla loot, or digits.. wording here could be improved to give the reader a clearer picture..

Originally Posted by ILLoKWENT

PROSPECT JS-
a nice hit? that's something I'll DOUBT-YOU'LL-DROP cus ya career's based on a slot machine so once u 'pull the trigger' and miss for ya '3rd strike', ima end ya ROUTE-TO-THE-TOP.. now we gon hear ya MOUTH-RUN-ALOT, once u finally face common sense and see ya funeral's being arranged for being 'OUT-IN-THE-BOX!'^^^^^^^^^^^^okay, first sentence leading to the first multi, length was decent, but then gets way too wordy towards the next multi, which throws the flow off,when someone reads this, after a certain length their expecting another multi, which is like timing of scheme/flow.. plus you seem to be explaining too much in that line as well.. keep it shorter, and get ya point across quicker, plus how is his career a slot machine? is his career based on shooting people? and if route to the top is your end punch, it is pretty weak... because 1. it doesnt really relate to 3rd strike, nor 2.' pull the trigger'.. which relates more towards slot machine, then 'route to the top'.. in this sense, slot machine shouldve been mentioned in your punchline bar.. rather than the middle of a long runon line.. im not gonna critique the last 2 lines because they are irrelavent to the slot machine concept..

Originally Posted by ILLoKWENT

nicholas-'No Gamble' in this 'Bout' when the 'Punches Thrown' your CORNER FOR NICK!You couldn't make 'Money with Bars' on a slot machine while you ORDER YOUR DRINK!We don't 'Match Up' see I'm TAKING HEAVY WINS vs Vets, but it's not gambling habits when you're 'Hitting The Box for a Result' and just end up BREAKING EVERYTHING!^^^^^^^^okay first line read a bit awkward, and doesnt really sound too natural.. you need to always read what your writing and think to yourself, is this how someone would normally speak? what is CORNER FOR NICK'? so if the punches thrown, its from 'your corner' and aimed at nick? wording here is key to the strength of a bar.. cause right now, it seems like a forced multi, wit words put together to make the scheme work.. make money wit bars relates to slot machines and order drinks, but the way its written seems like ordering drinks is the main concept, and slot machines is just thrown in there.. i'd probably have said 'make money wit bars' TAKING SHOTS ON SLOT MACHINES..or something.. wit 'taking shots 'relating to going to bars, and making money refering to slot machines, while making the concept 'slot machines' more pronounced. heading towards your next 2 bars, i feel was more superior, in setup and concept.. although slot machines wasnt obviously written, the reference words like 'hitting the box for results', and match up' all insinuate slot machine..wording couldve been a bit better, i wouldve said,we dont 'match up n' drops' cause when slots match up, money drops in the bin.. also, the end punchline, couldve used less words, to get your point across.. good effort tho, with these lines.

Originally Posted by ILLoKWENT

ROW-his lines? “vague as” hell, he should be upGRADIN’ HIS DROP “cause he know ma sheen” be SAYIN’ A LOT so don’t “push luck” unless youre enRAGED WIT YA OCK who got matchin 7’s while PLAYIN THE SLOTS! ^^^^^^^^^first off, your vague as/vegas wordplay was dope, but i wished you built up more on that subject, so rewording it in such a way and add slot machines in the end punch wouldve nice as hell.. anyway, so right now your setup is talkin bout his lines are weak, and he should upgrade his verse, after that, it seems you were tryin to do another wordplay with cause heknow ma sheen/casino machine' again some very creative wordplay,... so your tryin to say the dude knows your 'sheen' or shine is sayin alot about you,.. this is where you lose the idea as we proceed further towards your endrhyme.. you talkin bout his lines in the begining, then end with OCK, (which is a very poor 'filler word to make a multi work'), and him being jealous of you cause you got a winning match.. just throwin a 'reference' wordplay/ word' in your setup doesnt necessarily make for an actual relavent setup.. remember think of 1 idea/concept being broken down into 2 lines..like telling a complete story in 2 bars.. so instead of throwing 'reference nouns' about the main concept, sometimes all you need to do is keep it simple and introduce/buildup to what your about to throw at your opponent.. i think the biggest positive about these bars, is the length which is not too wordy, pretty on point..

Originally Posted by ILLoKWENT

violent scripture- I'm sure that you'll probably think it's FLY WHEN YOU PLOT A SCHEME, but you couldn't "separate words or say jack" if you TRIED AN APOSTROPHE so you could never "sell your changed lot" even if you had us BUYING A SLOT MACHINE
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^okay, the setup was pretty good, i see where its heading, your talkin bout your opponent coming up wit schemes for his verse, then you came wit a jabbish but decent sub concept , but after that i could not understand the 'sell your changed lot', what is that sopposed to mean? first off it doesnt come off sounding natural.. could you honestly imagine someone in conversation sayin that.. secondly, how does it relate to your buildup? as its written a reader will not see the connection.. are you sayin he couldnt sell his bars to get a win ? is he changing his verse too many times? how is it a diss? thats damaging.. when doing a concept, you need to ask yourself these questions... whats the point you were tryin to convey, does it relate to your build? it was a really disappointing end.. not to mention, changed lot, and slot machine doesnt really connect well, other than the key word change'd, slot machines eat money, and give out change, they have arms to pull, they spin fruits, triple pictures, jackpots, come in rows,, you can come up with your own 'connection' that could be a pun for a diss on your opponent.. so ex. i could say , once i 'pull these arms', one shot 'll get this 'fruit spinnin' quicker than FACES ON SLOT MACHINES... here we establish a connection 'pull these arms', then we add to it wit 'fruit spinning' etc. etc..any way bottom line is setup was good, but end punch faltered.

Originally Posted by ILLoKWENT

xplissit content- I'm 'Slotted For Success' Man MY TEAM IS FAMOUS I 'Shoot Crap' to leave ya 'Spellbound' I'm A FEINDIN MAGUS So watch me 'Pull da Rod down' leave ya 'Spillin the insides' Like MACHINES IN VEGAS

^^^^^^^^okay i like the fact that the bars are not wordy, you already establishing a build /idea [slotted for success], dunno bout the 'shoot crap' tho, kinda sounds like a self diss.lol, and whats a feindin magus?magus is the study of magic, or something to do with it, so how is feinding/ wanting connect wit spell bound/ tied up wit spells/or heading to spells.. if im interpreting 'bound' with 2 meanings.. so other than the 'shoot crap' part, that whole line leading up to magus is basically 'filler' and is not really needed. 'pull the rod down'? are you sayin your gonna pull down a gun? what is rod in this context, other than a thrown in 'reference' to ya slot machines... 'rod' normally means penis , so your pulling your opponents penis down?lol in order to spill whats inside of it? ewwww...wordin can make a difference between a harding hitting punch, or a homoerotic one... i'd probably omit the rod part and add something that mentions your crew, since you started ya bar with a mention of team... because i was diggin the 'spillin the insides' alot... anyway, a decent 2 bars that would hit harder with some rewording or word omitting...

---------- Post added at 03:39 AM ---------- Previous post was at 03:00 AM ----------

1. XplicitKontent
2.nicholas
3.los
4.row
5.violent scripture
6.prospect

[ILLoKWENT]

ROUND 2 JUDGEMENT:
SKIN EC'S VOTE:
1-los
2-xk
3-nicholas
4-row
5-vs
6-prospect


EtH'S VOTE:
Los, remember that this is a diss bar. You bragged about having a gun and having money. That's okay for a cypher, but in EVERY line of this style, aim it at a target.

ProspectJS, I wouldn't call it a "trigger" on a slot machine, and the 99.9% of slot machines don't have "strikes". Also, how come you just said a completely irrelevant thing at the end. The concept was slot machine, NOTHING else.

Urban, when the punches thrown your corner for Nick? What does that mean? The idea with bars was pretty dope, but I don't get why you went to the order the drink route instead of sticking to the slot machine one.

Row, I don't really get how push luck, being engaged, and winning the slots connects? Are you saying that A wife would push her husband's luck if he was on a winning streak? To me, it was a big vague. Your rhyming wasn't top notch either.

Violent, I didn't really get the "sell your changed lot". I know your reference is that you win change or something, but I didn't really get where the flip was. Also, I feel you went a bit too long with your multi scheme.

XK, watch me pull the rod down? Is that a new "Take out my gun" reference? Never heard if before and suspect you made it up . This was okay with the splling your insides idea, and how you didn't go straight with a generic concept from the get go.

1. XplicitKontent
2. Los
3. Nicholas
4. Row
5. Violent Scripture
6. ProspectJS

ILLOKWENT VOTE

Originally Posted by ILLoKWENT

LOS

if u 'playin games' ill make u DROP n LEAN, if i jump u, u can try to DODGE THE BEAM and ill 'pull for money' till my 'screen fulla digits' like a SLOT MACHINE!!

^^^^^^^ i like the simplicity of the bars here, nothing too wordy, to the point, relavence couldve been a bit better, considering 'playing games' is ya only reference to ya concept.. which isnt really a strong buildup.. imo.. and what do you mean 'screen fulla digits?' yes it relates to slot machines, but majority of slot machines show either 7's or fruits.. or 'bars' , if your talkin bout stickin him up and pullin his money, how do you end up wit a screen, wouldnt ya pockets be fulla loot, or digits.. wording here could be improved to give the reader a clearer picture..

Originally Posted by ILLoKWENT

PROSPECT JS-
a nice hit? that's something I'll DOUBT-YOU'LL-DROP cus ya career's based on a slot machine so once u 'pull the trigger' and miss for ya '3rd strike', ima end ya ROUTE-TO-THE-TOP.. now we gon hear ya MOUTH-RUN-ALOT, once u finally face common sense and see ya funeral's being arranged for being 'OUT-IN-THE-BOX!'^^^^^^^^^^^^okay, first sentence leading to the first multi, length was decent, but then gets way too wordy towards the next multi, which throws the flow off,when someone reads this, after a certain length their expecting another multi, which is like timing of scheme/flow.. plus you seem to be explaining too much in that line as well.. keep it shorter, and get ya point across quicker, plus how is his career a slot machine? is his career based on shooting people? and if route to the top is your end punch, it is pretty weak... because 1. it doesnt really relate to 3rd strike, nor 2.' pull the trigger'.. which relates more towards slot machine, then 'route to the top'.. in this sense, slot machine shouldve been mentioned in your punchline bar.. rather than the middle of a long runon line.. im not gonna critique the last 2 lines because they are irrelavent to the slot machine concept..

Originally Posted by ILLoKWENT

nicholas-'No Gamble' in this 'Bout' when the 'Punches Thrown' your CORNER FOR NICK!You couldn't make 'Money with Bars' on a slot machine while you ORDER YOUR DRINK!We don't 'Match Up' see I'm TAKING HEAVY WINS vs Vets, but it's not gambling habits when you're 'Hitting The Box for a Result' and just end up BREAKING EVERYTHING!^^^^^^^^okay first line read a bit awkward, and doesnt really sound too natural.. you need to always read what your writing and think to yourself, is this how someone would normally speak? what is CORNER FOR NICK'? so if the punches thrown, its from 'your corner' and aimed at nick? wording here is key to the strength of a bar.. cause right now, it seems like a forced multi, wit words put together to make the scheme work.. make money wit bars relates to slot machines and order drinks, but the way its written seems like ordering drinks is the main concept, and slot machines is just thrown in there.. i'd probably have said 'make money wit bars' TAKING SHOTS ON SLOT MACHINES..or something.. wit 'taking shots 'relating to going to bars, and making money refering to slot machines, while making the concept 'slot machines' more pronounced. heading towards your next 2 bars, i feel was more superior, in setup and concept.. although slot machines wasnt obviously written, the reference words like 'hitting the box for results', and match up' all insinuate slot machine..wording couldve been a bit better, i wouldve said,we dont 'match up n' drops' cause when slots match up, money drops in the bin.. also, the end punchline, couldve used less words, to get your point across.. good effort tho, with these lines.

Originally Posted by ILLoKWENT

ROW-his lines? “vague as” hell, he should be upGRADIN’ HIS DROP “cause he know ma sheen” be SAYIN’ A LOT so don’t “push luck” unless youre enRAGED WIT YA OCK who got matchin 7’s while PLAYIN THE SLOTS! ^^^^^^^^^first off, your vague as/vegas wordplay was dope, but i wished you built up more on that subject, so rewording it in such a way and add slot machines in the end punch wouldve nice as hell.. anyway, so right now your setup is talkin bout his lines are weak, and he should upgrade his verse, after that, it seems you were tryin to do another wordplay with cause heknow ma sheen/casino machine' again some very creative wordplay,... so your tryin to say the dude knows your 'sheen' or shine is sayin alot about you,.. this is where you lose the idea as we proceed further towards your endrhyme.. you talkin bout his lines in the begining, then end with OCK, (which is a very poor 'filler word to make a multi work'), and him being jealous of you cause you got a winning match.. just throwin a 'reference' wordplay/ word' in your setup doesnt necessarily make for an actual relavent setup.. remember think of 1 idea/concept being broken down into 2 lines..like telling a complete story in 2 bars.. so instead of throwing 'reference nouns' about the main concept, sometimes all you need to do is keep it simple and introduce/buildup to what your about to throw at your opponent.. i think the biggest positive about these bars, is the length which is not too wordy, pretty on point..

Originally Posted by ILLoKWENT

violent scripture- I'm sure that you'll probably think it's FLY WHEN YOU PLOT A SCHEME, but you couldn't "separate words or say jack" if you TRIED AN APOSTROPHE so you could never "sell your changed lot" even if you had us BUYING A SLOT MACHINE
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^okay, the setup was pretty good, i see where its heading, your talkin bout your opponent coming up wit schemes for his verse, then you came wit a jabbish but decent sub concept , but after that i could not understand the 'sell your changed lot', what is that sopposed to mean? first off it doesnt come off sounding natural.. could you honestly imagine someone in conversation sayin that.. secondly, how does it relate to your buildup? as its written a reader will not see the connection.. are you sayin he couldnt sell his bars to get a win ? is he changing his verse too many times? how is it a diss? thats damaging.. when doing a concept, you need to ask yourself these questions... whats the point you were tryin to convey, does it relate to your build? it was a really disappointing end.. not to mention, changed lot, and slot machine doesnt really connect well, other than the key word change'd, slot machines eat money, and give out change, they have arms to pull, they spin fruits, triple pictures, jackpots, come in rows,, you can come up with your own 'connection' that could be a pun for a diss on your opponent.. so ex. i could say , once i 'pull these arms', one shot 'll get this 'fruit spinnin' quicker than FACES ON SLOT MACHINES... here we establish a connection 'pull these arms', then we add to it wit 'fruit spinning' etc. etc..any way bottom line is setup was good, but end punch faltered.

Originally Posted by ILLoKWENT

xplissit content- I'm 'Slotted For Success' Man MY TEAM IS FAMOUS I 'Shoot Crap' to leave ya 'Spellbound' I'm A FEINDIN MAGUS So watch me 'Pull da Rod down' leave ya 'Spillin the insides' Like MACHINES IN VEGAS

^^^^^^^^okay i like the fact that the bars are not wordy, you already establishing a build /idea [slotted for success], dunno bout the 'shoot crap' tho, kinda sounds like a self diss.lol, and whats a feindin magus?magus is the study of magic, or something to do with it, so how is feinding/ wanting connect wit spell bound/ tied up wit spells/or heading to spells.. if im interpreting 'bound' with 2 meanings.. so other than the 'shoot crap' part, that whole line leading up to magus is basically 'filler' and is not really needed. 'pull the rod down'? are you sayin your gonna pull down a gun? what is rod in this context, other than a thrown in 'reference' to ya slot machines... 'rod' normally means penis , so your pulling your opponents penis down?lol in order to spill whats inside of it? ewwww...wordin can make a difference between a harding hitting punch, or a homoerotic one... i'd probably omit the rod part and add something that mentions your crew, since you started ya bar with a mention of team... because i was diggin the 'spillin the insides' alot... anyway, a decent 2 bars that would hit harder with some rewording or word omitting...

---------- Post added at 03:39 AM ---------- Previous post was at 03:00 AM ----------

1. XplicitKontent
2.nicholas
3.los
4.row
5.violent scripture
6.prospect