Xplicit Kontent, not a bad first shot here. In the early parts, the lines were very long so the flow was dead, but it picked up as you progressed. There was a few good indications of imagery throughout which I liked to see. You used good examples of poetic techniques which is a great sign for someone dipping their toe in the water with topicals. The story was uninspiring to me though. It was a generic war story, and I always hate when a story ends with a death. Nothing different came about it. I didn't feel attached to McCluskey, despite the Scottish name, so when his character died it fell short of what you intended for me.
the doom, the biggest downside to me was that there was several little spelling mistakes and issues with use of vocabulary throughout. You want to make sure all of this is smoothed out, in battling or topical writing, because otherwise the reader struggles to grasp where you are going. I think it was a risk to go down the foreign religion route, but it worked out alright for me. You touched on some imagery when the spirits appeared, but I felt you could have really dug deep into it and gave us some bright colours with their arrival. You too will be good in topicals once you give them a few more gos and practise trying to clean it up a little bit. Your writing style, in using the battle box to gauge your lines, gave you an instant disadvantage to me.
Overall, this was a close enough contest. I felt that one was just more enjoyable to run along and was easier for me to get into, while the other took a unique angle but it didn't connect with me.
Xplicit Kontent GETS MY VOTE
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