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Unread 10-02-2011, 09:55 AM
Ill Phenom
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,513
Mentioned: 505 Post(s)
Tagged: 25 Thread(s)
Estimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.9/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.9/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.9/10 stars
Ranked Text Record
54 Won / 9 Lost
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Rhyming Scheme/Flow - Tie - Both your guys flow was decent
Vocabulary - Strange - This was a close cat but strange slighty took the upperhand IMO
Topic/Meaning - Book - Liked strange's self immolation concept he brought to the picture but metaphorically, I was really liking books "Lung Cancer" in relation to riding the bike.
Storytelling/Progression - Strange - His verse seemed to progress through the story a bit more, felt is transitions were a bit better.
Emotion - Book - I felt the emotion all around that. The not wanted to stop riding the bike as it was tearing him apart, The addiction, and the meta to the lung cancer.
Imagery - Book - Another close cat because strange described many aspects of his between zipping the coat, the light fixture above, he painted the picture of what was going on around him. Book on the other hand, I enjoyed your imagery alot in this piece, one of my favorite drops from you. Best part was describing everything after the bike hit the slope.
Poetic Techniques - Book - Because of the metaphor.
Ending - Tie - Very close. Finding the meaning in book's about the lung cancer at the ending, I felt could have been portrayed better, but the concept of that almost got him this cat. I felt that strange put a good end to his, not many flaws with the way he ended it.

BOOK GMV - Overall I felt he brought a bit more creativity to the stage here. His imagery and emotion were outstanding between riding the bike and describing what was going on with his lungs and organs. It was a very very nice metaphor. Strange I liked your drop also. I felt using the topic of self-immulotion, that you could have put a little twist in your story and make it more dramatic or bring the suspense up a little bit, so the reader could have more emotion to connect to your drop. This was a great read though from both participants.
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Unread 10-02-2011, 09:55 AM   #8
 
Ill Phenom
Estimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.9/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.9/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.9/10 stars
Ranked Text Record
54 Won / 9 Lost
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Voted: 0 audio / 425 text
Posts: 1,513
Mentioned: 505 Post(s)
Tagged: 25 Thread(s)


Default

Rhyming Scheme/Flow - Tie - Both your guys flow was decent
Vocabulary - Strange - This was a close cat but strange slighty took the upperhand IMO
Topic/Meaning - Book - Liked strange's self immolation concept he brought to the picture but metaphorically, I was really liking books "Lung Cancer" in relation to riding the bike.
Storytelling/Progression - Strange - His verse seemed to progress through the story a bit more, felt is transitions were a bit better.
Emotion - Book - I felt the emotion all around that. The not wanted to stop riding the bike as it was tearing him apart, The addiction, and the meta to the lung cancer.
Imagery - Book - Another close cat because strange described many aspects of his between zipping the coat, the light fixture above, he painted the picture of what was going on around him. Book on the other hand, I enjoyed your imagery alot in this piece, one of my favorite drops from you. Best part was describing everything after the bike hit the slope.
Poetic Techniques - Book - Because of the metaphor.
Ending - Tie - Very close. Finding the meaning in book's about the lung cancer at the ending, I felt could have been portrayed better, but the concept of that almost got him this cat. I felt that strange put a good end to his, not many flaws with the way he ended it.

BOOK GMV - Overall I felt he brought a bit more creativity to the stage here. His imagery and emotion were outstanding between riding the bike and describing what was going on with his lungs and organs. It was a very very nice metaphor. Strange I liked your drop also. I felt using the topic of self-immulotion, that you could have put a little twist in your story and make it more dramatic or bring the suspense up a little bit, so the reader could have more emotion to connect to your drop. This was a great read though from both participants.
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