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#7 09-09-2011, 08:22 AM

I don't really add the songs to the written drops because the way I see it, people switch up tempos repeatedly throughout and the person who never wrote it can't really pick up on that without actually hearing it being sang or rapped.

Okay, onto the piece. I agree with Wig in terms that the emotion never broke through the way you intended it to. I can see that you had something but it seems like it had just being pulled back at times. The flow struggled at times to me as sometimes words were repeated close together and sometimes the wording was off or whatever. If you can use this style and increase the imagery, you could make it a lot more effective. Something as visual as a campfire can be brought to life through words so well. Describe the light, the smell etc. "The embers danced in the air before dissappearing" "The charred logs omit a smog which pollutes my nose" and everything like that. Use your senses and try and bring us to the moment that you're talking about.

A decent little drop and you have a lot of potential for elevation in these things. Keep dropping and keep improving.

09-09-2011, 08:22 AM

I don't really add the songs to the written drops because the way I see it, people switch up tempos repeatedly throughout and the person who never wrote it can't really pick up on that without actually hearing it being sang or rapped.

Okay, onto the piece. I agree with Wig in terms that the emotion never broke through the way you intended it to. I can see that you had something but it seems like it had just being pulled back at times. The flow struggled at times to me as sometimes words were repeated close together and sometimes the wording was off or whatever. If you can use this style and increase the imagery, you could make it a lot more effective. Something as visual as a campfire can be brought to life through words so well. Describe the light, the smell etc. "The embers danced in the air before dissappearing" "The charred logs omit a smog which pollutes my nose" and everything like that. Use your senses and try and bring us to the moment that you're talking about.

A decent little drop and you have a lot of potential for elevation in these things. Keep dropping and keep improving.

09-09-2011, 08:22 AM	#7
UnEtHıCaL Guest Voted: 0 audio / 0 text Posts: n/a Mentioned: Post(s) Tagged: Thread(s)	I don't really add the songs to the written drops because the way I see it, people switch up tempos repeatedly throughout and the person who never wrote it can't really pick up on that without actually hearing it being sang or rapped. Okay, onto the piece. I agree with Wig in terms that the emotion never broke through the way you intended it to. I can see that you had something but it seems like it had just being pulled back at times. The flow struggled at times to me as sometimes words were repeated close together and sometimes the wording was off or whatever. If you can use this style and increase the imagery, you could make it a lot more effective. Something as visual as a campfire can be brought to life through words so well. Describe the light, the smell etc. "The embers danced in the air before dissappearing" "The charred logs omit a smog which pollutes my nose" and everything like that. Use your senses and try and bring us to the moment that you're talking about. A decent little drop and you have a lot of potential for elevation in these things. Keep dropping and keep improving.