Thread: Critique Verses
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Unread 02-04-2011, 04:26 PM
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Estimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.76/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.76/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.76/10 stars
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119 Won / 23 Lost
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you Prayin for a win? you must be high gettin the FLYEST BLESSINS! (17)
amazin how his battles get slept on while MINES-IS RESTLEST(15)
cause this Green Bitch Get Killed lOn like IRISH DRESSES(kilt)!(12)
Could use less filler, and point out your (imagery/key words/no spell mistakes) also prayin for a win isn;t a punch, say something like you need to pray for a win. example:
Pray to win..and get 'high' off the FLYEST BLESSINS!(12)
Ya battles just get 'slept on', while MINES IS RESTLESS!(12)
For 'Green' this 'Bitch' Get 'Kilt On' like IRISH DRESSES(12)
...If you do that for all of the sentences, they flow smoother and hit harder, since you are hitting punch after punch. Not punch......long ass build up with no multies, then punch.
GET WHAT IM SAYN?????
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Unread 02-04-2011, 04:26 PM   #9
 
LOQ
Basic Member
Estimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 0/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.76/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.76/10 starsEstimated Skill in Text: 7.76/10 stars
Ranked Text Record
119 Won / 23 Lost
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
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Posts: 1,442
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
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Default

you Prayin for a win? you must be high gettin the FLYEST BLESSINS! (17)
amazin how his battles get slept on while MINES-IS RESTLEST(15)
cause this Green Bitch Get Killed lOn like IRISH DRESSES(kilt)!(12)
Could use less filler, and point out your (imagery/key words/no spell mistakes) also prayin for a win isn;t a punch, say something like you need to pray for a win. example:
Pray to win..and get 'high' off the FLYEST BLESSINS!(12)
Ya battles just get 'slept on', while MINES IS RESTLESS!(12)
For 'Green' this 'Bitch' Get 'Kilt On' like IRISH DRESSES(12)
...If you do that for all of the sentences, they flow smoother and hit harder, since you are hitting punch after punch. Not punch......long ass build up with no multies, then punch.
GET WHAT IM SAYN?????
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