[RULE]

Im gonna be harsh but fair. I'll break this down per bar.

You Aint Heard Huh? My 'EIGHTS ARE LETHAL!/ I Killed Ya Character In The First One! This Rookie Wont Even 'MAKE THE SEQUAL!/


Couple things wrong with this bar. The flow is very stretched, The gap between the first multi and the second being very long and therefore making the flow choppy.

As for the punchline itself, this is very VERY basic stuff. Not really a punchline at all to be honest. The set up has no connection to the punch, and the punch is the most simplistic execution of the concept available to you. You need to dig deeper to make concepts as powerful and fresh as can be.

Lets go with the concept used here. Movie sequels. Think about ideas around this concept. Remakes ... cancelled franchises ... characters dying ... new cast ... story continuing ... Ok, so now lets come up with the end punch.

how about something like... i'll "put you in a cast" w/no MOVIE AUDITION!!!

Cast meaning a plaster cast, this will be a physical threat bar.

Now we connect the punch to a relevant build.

He's a fan! And if i ever see this GROUPIE I'LL HIT EM and i'll "put you in a cast" w/no MOVIE AUDITION!!!

Nice basic bar that took seconds to write. With more time or an extended scheme this has a lot of potential. Already 10x harder than your opener.

Back to your verse.


..You Got a Gun, But i 'Keep Two Myself' like i Got a Distinct 'HATE FOR PEOPLE!/.

Liked this a lot. Could of been a bigger punch tho.

.Its Amazing That He Couldnt 'See The God w/ Bars' Even tho' Heavens 'GATES ARE SEE THRU!/

This and the previous line were the highlight of the verse to me. Nice concept, decent execution. With a better set up and more creative out-put this could of been a banger.

& w/ Such a 'Frail Defense?' & 'Failed Attempts' He'll See 'Hell Commence!' Cuz These Are The Bars That Have 'Jailed Ya Friends' & The Word Is, They Cant 'WAIT TO MEET CHU!!/

Decent flow but just pure filler for me. In an 8 line battle you MUST make the most of your space. In a 32 you can flex the swag side more but in an 8 you need to be more productive. This is a 3rd of your text box used up with low impact filler lines. Against a decent opponent you'll be out-punched easily.


..He Like, MaCc Dropped a Blind 'TEXT AGAIN? OH SHIT!..Slow Ya 'ROLL BITCH' before I Fill The 'Sleeve In The Clip' and 'Squeeze In Ya Whip' like a 'MEXICAN ROADTRIP!

No idea why 'Sleeve In The Clip' is highlighted. Dont quote things not relevant to the punch. The punchline its self is veryyy basic. And if we're nit picking, its not at all accurate either. You can road trip anywhere without squeezing into your car. If you want the punch to work you need to build it up. Reference a small vehicle or large person in the build etc etc.


I have no doubt that you have the ability to create a strong battle verse. The fragments of potential are clearly here. You need to focus more on getting the basics down SET. Start writing solid verses with good flow and actual punchlines and concepts. Then once you have that set start improving your creativity.


I think you have what it takes, as a writer and as a person, to become a strong battle rapper. You have a good attitude for some labelled as a 'sniper', you just need to focus more on quality over quantity.


I think your verses in general are a 5/10. And thats often what i end up rating them when i vote on your battles. Dont be disheartened, i vote most around that mark too, because a lot of people suffer with similar issues. Just work on the basics whilst keeping an eye on improving your creativity and personality and you'll be a dark horse for the upcoming tourney come January.

1/

[RULE]

Im gonna be harsh but fair. I'll break this down per bar.

You Aint Heard Huh? My 'EIGHTS ARE LETHAL!/ I Killed Ya Character In The First One! This Rookie Wont Even 'MAKE THE SEQUAL!/


Couple things wrong with this bar. The flow is very stretched, The gap between the first multi and the second being very long and therefore making the flow choppy.

As for the punchline itself, this is very VERY basic stuff. Not really a punchline at all to be honest. The set up has no connection to the punch, and the punch is the most simplistic execution of the concept available to you. You need to dig deeper to make concepts as powerful and fresh as can be.

Lets go with the concept used here. Movie sequels. Think about ideas around this concept. Remakes ... cancelled franchises ... characters dying ... new cast ... story continuing ... Ok, so now lets come up with the end punch.

how about something like... i'll "put you in a cast" w/no MOVIE AUDITION!!!

Cast meaning a plaster cast, this will be a physical threat bar.

Now we connect the punch to a relevant build.

He's a fan! And if i ever see this GROUPIE I'LL HIT EM and i'll "put you in a cast" w/no MOVIE AUDITION!!!

Nice basic bar that took seconds to write. With more time or an extended scheme this has a lot of potential. Already 10x harder than your opener.

Back to your verse.


..You Got a Gun, But i 'Keep Two Myself' like i Got a Distinct 'HATE FOR PEOPLE!/.

Liked this a lot. Could of been a bigger punch tho.

.Its Amazing That He Couldnt 'See The God w/ Bars' Even tho' Heavens 'GATES ARE SEE THRU!/

This and the previous line were the highlight of the verse to me. Nice concept, decent execution. With a better set up and more creative out-put this could of been a banger.

& w/ Such a 'Frail Defense?' & 'Failed Attempts' He'll See 'Hell Commence!' Cuz These Are The Bars That Have 'Jailed Ya Friends' & The Word Is, They Cant 'WAIT TO MEET CHU!!/

Decent flow but just pure filler for me. In an 8 line battle you MUST make the most of your space. In a 32 you can flex the swag side more but in an 8 you need to be more productive. This is a 3rd of your text box used up with low impact filler lines. Against a decent opponent you'll be out-punched easily.


..He Like, MaCc Dropped a Blind 'TEXT AGAIN? OH SHIT!..Slow Ya 'ROLL BITCH' before I Fill The 'Sleeve In The Clip' and 'Squeeze In Ya Whip' like a 'MEXICAN ROADTRIP!

No idea why 'Sleeve In The Clip' is highlighted. Dont quote things not relevant to the punch. The punchline its self is veryyy basic. And if we're nit picking, its not at all accurate either. You can road trip anywhere without squeezing into your car. If you want the punch to work you need to build it up. Reference a small vehicle or large person in the build etc etc.


I have no doubt that you have the ability to create a strong battle verse. The fragments of potential are clearly here. You need to focus more on getting the basics down SET. Start writing solid verses with good flow and actual punchlines and concepts. Then once you have that set start improving your creativity.


I think you have what it takes, as a writer and as a person, to become a strong battle rapper. You have a good attitude for some labelled as a 'sniper', you just need to focus more on quality over quantity.


I think your verses in general are a 5/10. And thats often what i end up rating them when i vote on your battles. Dont be disheartened, i vote most around that mark too, because a lot of people suffer with similar issues. Just work on the basics whilst keeping an eye on improving your creativity and personality and you'll be a dark horse for the upcoming tourney come January.

1/