1. I can't rhyme Largest and Dollar in any aspect what so ever. It's not even close. Menu and Venue is fine.

2. Capitalization on LB is a signal for rhyming. The reason this is done because we write in a literal box, with no clear end of lines. So we have always capped the rhymes so people will be able to pick up on the rhyme scheme they would typically expect at the end of a line. The only reason we cap things in there is for the purpose of rhyming. If something is capped that isn't a rhyme, we're conditioned to hit those words hard as though they are rhymes. When they aren't connected to anything, and you're hitting them hard, that will make the flow choppy.

3. Mac is short for macaroni, which isn't noodles, for the record. Cheese also doesn't mean smile. "Cheeser" would be the word you'd look for. You would never know what I meant if I said someone was "cheesing at me" or "this guy cheesed on the street". You'd think it's got something to do with a penis most likely. Also, predicting your retort, the reason people say cheese in photographs isn't because that means smile, it's because the facial expression when saying the word replications that of a smile. Cheese doesn't mean smile. Also, not having teeth doesn't mean you can't smile.

4. You are trying to "change the structure" but are getting pissed off if someone says they hate it. If I said I loved your structure, you'd be delighted. You can't get pissed off about this because you are actively trying to change it. You have to accept that you might not be changing it to something better, in the case of this verse....it's much MUCH worse.

5. "He claims he's a god" isn't a punchline. That's like me saying "This guy thinks he's dope but his name is Milk". Yes, he DOES claim he's a god....what about it? You going to insult him over it or just inform us of what his username is?

6. You said nothing about the distance in which the apple drops. You said you were going to watch where the apple drops....what if it drops close? Is he then a genius? You never said any of that. Also, sure, Apple make Macs...so what? You just added the word apple in and assume that somehow makes it a punch? If you said "He doesn't have jobs" does that now mean it's a punch relating to Steve Jobs? You actually have to relate Apple and Mac to something for it to be relevant.




Milk, just consider the situation here. You ASKED me to check your battle. I have absolutely no reason what so ever to have bias towards either writer. Most of the site that would remember would consider me to be one of the better voters around here. So when you consider these things...don't you think that YOU could be the one being biased towards your own verse?

You're here "explaining" the punches. You know why you're explaining them? They weren't clear what so ever. That's your fault. If you write stuff that the readers don't get, you can't blame them. You have to look at your verse and realize that it's too convoluted and as a result, you're fucking up everything you're trying to do.

Your flow was bad. Your rhyming was basic. You tried 500 things with each punch but didn't deliver 1 of those 500 things well. You're trying to create a new format of writing which isn't working out what so ever. You don't realize WHY people might format their verse a specific way to begin with. And essentially, this entire thread proves that until you assess your rhymes critically from an outside perspective you'll never improve. You're going to keep blaming the voters every time and act like it's their fault if your verse isn't connecting with them (see Lizman for more details). It's YOUR fault that I never felt your punches, or that your flow put me off, or that I didn't connect one or two things together. YOU. You're trying to get me to vote for you in this battle, so you have to cater to the voters or be prepared to lose.

Sometimes when I wrote topicals, I'd write insanely hidden messages and have the entire piece working two ways that next to no one would pick up on. I can't then bring this into a contest and be pissed off that they didn't get my second meaning. If you want to do shit like that, go and make a cypher. In a battle, you have to write dope punches that the readers are going to connect with along a solid flow. That's it. Until you are able to do that, keep your moaning threads to a minimum and realize that it's not our fault that you're inferior.

1. I can't rhyme Largest and Dollar in any aspect what so ever. It's not even close. Menu and Venue is fine.

2. Capitalization on LB is a signal for rhyming. The reason this is done because we write in a literal box, with no clear end of lines. So we have always capped the rhymes so people will be able to pick up on the rhyme scheme they would typically expect at the end of a line. The only reason we cap things in there is for the purpose of rhyming. If something is capped that isn't a rhyme, we're conditioned to hit those words hard as though they are rhymes. When they aren't connected to anything, and you're hitting them hard, that will make the flow choppy.

3. Mac is short for macaroni, which isn't noodles, for the record. Cheese also doesn't mean smile. "Cheeser" would be the word you'd look for. You would never know what I meant if I said someone was "cheesing at me" or "this guy cheesed on the street". You'd think it's got something to do with a penis most likely. Also, predicting your retort, the reason people say cheese in photographs isn't because that means smile, it's because the facial expression when saying the word replications that of a smile. Cheese doesn't mean smile. Also, not having teeth doesn't mean you can't smile.

4. You are trying to "change the structure" but are getting pissed off if someone says they hate it. If I said I loved your structure, you'd be delighted. You can't get pissed off about this because you are actively trying to change it. You have to accept that you might not be changing it to something better, in the case of this verse....it's much MUCH worse.

5. "He claims he's a god" isn't a punchline. That's like me saying "This guy thinks he's dope but his name is Milk". Yes, he DOES claim he's a god....what about it? You going to insult him over it or just inform us of what his username is?

6. You said nothing about the distance in which the apple drops. You said you were going to watch where the apple drops....what if it drops close? Is he then a genius? You never said any of that. Also, sure, Apple make Macs...so what? You just added the word apple in and assume that somehow makes it a punch? If you said "He doesn't have jobs" does that now mean it's a punch relating to Steve Jobs? You actually have to relate Apple and Mac to something for it to be relevant.




Milk, just consider the situation here. You ASKED me to check your battle. I have absolutely no reason what so ever to have bias towards either writer. Most of the site that would remember would consider me to be one of the better voters around here. So when you consider these things...don't you think that YOU could be the one being biased towards your own verse?

You're here "explaining" the punches. You know why you're explaining them? They weren't clear what so ever. That's your fault. If you write stuff that the readers don't get, you can't blame them. You have to look at your verse and realize that it's too convoluted and as a result, you're fucking up everything you're trying to do.

Your flow was bad. Your rhyming was basic. You tried 500 things with each punch but didn't deliver 1 of those 500 things well. You're trying to create a new format of writing which isn't working out what so ever. You don't realize WHY people might format their verse a specific way to begin with. And essentially, this entire thread proves that until you assess your rhymes critically from an outside perspective you'll never improve. You're going to keep blaming the voters every time and act like it's their fault if your verse isn't connecting with them (see Lizman for more details). It's YOUR fault that I never felt your punches, or that your flow put me off, or that I didn't connect one or two things together. YOU. You're trying to get me to vote for you in this battle, so you have to cater to the voters or be prepared to lose.

Sometimes when I wrote topicals, I'd write insanely hidden messages and have the entire piece working two ways that next to no one would pick up on. I can't then bring this into a contest and be pissed off that they didn't get my second meaning. If you want to do shit like that, go and make a cypher. In a battle, you have to write dope punches that the readers are going to connect with along a solid flow. That's it. Until you are able to do that, keep your moaning threads to a minimum and realize that it's not our fault that you're inferior.