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smiG
'Gores ass is bleedin,that we ALREADY SEE IN THIS ONE, cuz like "gay jokes bout Gardening in Eden" there will "ALWAYS BE A STEVE IN EM!/ (
Wasn't really feeling this as an opener.. wasn't that creative imo, you needed another multi set to make it hit harder but even then the concept itself was pretty weak bro, the multi set was also a little off .. unless you have an accent IN THIS ONE and STEVE IN EM doesnt work because steve doesn't rhyme with in.. you can have multis that don't rhyme when they are little words like I, it, n, etc, but when you have words like STEVE, it almost always has to have a rhyming multi)....: how i creep when DARKENED ITS FITTING..how ya get "left wit no drive & torn aPART WHEN SMIG SPITTING...Like "cars that wont start after PARKIN IN BIG CITIES!/ (
i like the inner multis here, the cars wont start set, the concept itself is played, no drive ... cars... could have been flipped better.. also bro I've read a few of your battles, and you seem to have too many syllables in your multis.. aPART WHEN SMIG SPITTING.. 5 syllables.. PARKIN IN BIG CITIES.. 6 syllables.. the syllables have to match for max punch impact and readability, also the concept was really simple here)...: Theres no ARGUIN WITH ME. Ne bitch be as HARD AS THIS SISSY..who "puff up they chest to spiral downward"..like "demi moore LARGENING TITTIES & STAR'n IN STRIPTEASE!"/ (
i think the "..." is overused and takes away from the flow n readability of ya verse, could be smoother without them, the concept was actually nice i liked this punch here, im not going to nitpick on wording because i understand not using the word "like" is something that comes later on, good punch tho.. the double multi set was good as well here) i SPAR n WIN VICTORY, so PARDON ME QUICK PLEASE, only time id see a "Key-Blurrin' my senses"..is if STARTIN UP THIS WEEk..city population includes"Elf APARTMENTS iN FIG TREES"!/ (
the wordplay was a nice flip here, but once again the transition from STARTIN UP THIS WEEK to city population didnt work because it doesn't read like a sentence "is if STARTIN UP THIS WEEk..city population includes"Elf APARTMENTS iN FIG TREES"!" not sure what you mean here with the transition.. should be more clear and lose the "...." because it takes away from punch impact and you need to use better transition words in this instance)
Punches- 6 -would have been higher if you didn't have to drive /car punch and opener
multis- 7 - you actually have a good grasp on them and would have been higher if you wouldn't have had a broken multi with the wrong syllable count.
readability- 7 .. need to lose all of the ".." in your verse and be sure your transitions into the punches are smoother if that makes sense. Lose those and make the read a lil smoother and this will impact your multis readability alot
delivery/swag- 7 .. You actually have good swag.. you have a good grip on relevant multis and i can see you getting alot better very quickly with a lil tweaking
creativity- 6 .. the creativity was a little above average here with the spiral down concept n the wordplay flip on keibler... I can see you have a good grasp on this as well... a tad bit more creativity overall consistently will bump you up.
Overall - 6.6 -
Judging off this verse you have a lot of potential and after a lil tweeking I can actually see you being one of the better texters on LB.. You have a better understanding of W/P and swag/multis then most just need to be sure you match the syllable counts cus this isn't the first battle ive seen you not do that. You have a high upside and mad potential.. You need to change your Avy tho it plays a mental role in this battling shit... vet tip of the week lol
---------- Post added at 03:37 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:00 PM ----------
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EtH
His Illmania battle? They’ll EASILY KILL EM cause “you couldn’t profit from recording this fuck” reLEASING AND FILMING someone SLEEPING WITH HILTON! (
multis were good... flow was on point.. concept was meh but flipped a lil and the build made it hit a lil harder, not too creative tho) Being picked for audio was like aCHIEVING FULFILMENT and I wish I could say this EMCEE WAS AN ILL PICK; for ACs the “test” wasn't “multiple choice” but Blnk's NEED TO BE FILLED IN! (
the wording here was very good... the concept itself is played but in this case it is relevant, and the multi placement made for a decent personal punch here) ACs? He couldn’t see the “bigger picture” with a smartphone SCREEN THAT HE’S TILTING; he’d “branch out” but “leaves shrived up” like a TREE THAT IS WILTING! (
cool double punch i thought the screen tilting punch was better than the last tree punch, once again a flip on a old concept/wp.. the double punch made for good effect but the creativity is lacking) you Your stay here is temporary, just LEASING THE BUILDING so for “Home Improvement”; we’ll “cut him” to “save face” like HE WAS OUR WILSON! (
i thought this was actually decent... cut him to save face haha... punch hit as well because you understand multi placement) After this, you beLEIVING YOU’RE STILL SICK? Nah if he’s SEEN ON SOME “KING” SHIT; Ima turn LA Police and straight BEAT THE CIVILLIAN! This faker pretends he’s got GREEN IN THE MILLIONS or EVEN A BILLION but if you see “Bleu with the cheddar” it’s EATING SOME STILTON! (
meh punch, nothing special or out of the box here, good multis though) Sure he’s battled for years and thinks WE ARE HIS CHILDREN but you couldn’t be a “pioneer by trade” swapping BEADS WITH THE PILGRIMS! (
i thought this was dope.... def did a lot for the verse... haven't seen this concept in this form.. dope punch here short n sweet) Bitches? If the “pussy is smooth” he reCEIVED A BRAZILLIAN so if this dudes in the "SHEETS” WITH A MILF IT’S chilling with his moms with a NEEDLE AND QUILTIN’! (
another double punch, was decent but nothing that makes you go wow if you feel me, good multis once again though)
Punches-6.5 - You had them, but they were nothing special or wow punches... there were a couple that impressed me though.
Multis- 8 -schemed the entire verse, and the multis were on point and placed in the right places for maximum impact.
Readability- 8 - very smooth read one of your talents/upsides.
Delivery/Swag- 7.5 - You have a good delivery because you understand multi placement which makes your punches hit harder... Adding a little more personality into the verse would push you up a notch... maybe reading some verses from Jason.
Creativity- 6 .. Overall i felt you had a lot of punches that were flipped concepts, some flipped well though... the blnk flip was personal so that was decent.. i thought the pilgrim line was dope.. Overall i would say work on more creativity as that seems to be your only flaw....
Overall- 7.2 -
What pushes you a little above 7 is the fact you have a very good understanding of multis/multi placement... which makes for your punches to hit harder... You also kept the scheme up and the readability was very good.. these are all the fundamentals of texting and you have those down... What you need to work on to get to that next level is more creative punches... You flipped a lot of concepts, and nothing really wowed me here... You have the fundamentals down which a lot of texters struggle with.. you don't try to do too much and it comes off as a smooth read. Just think a little harder on the punches while keeping it simple and not over think, and you will be a threat in texting being that you have the basics down pact almost. I think your next step would be adding some inner multis if you want to take it to that level... first I would work on more creativity.