Six. Storytelling wise, I felt it was a decent idea. It wasn't too creative and there wasn't a wow factor, but you executed your your idea well, bringing the most you could out of it. The story was straight to the point, and it didn't stray from the topic. Overall, the verse was a smooth read, a very smooth read. I enjoyed the stretched out schemes, however, it seemed like you had to force one or two multis. The vocabulary wasn't complex, but I felt the simple approach was very effective. Imagery was alright. The verse gave me a pretty clear picture of kid getting beat up. Although, I think adding more metaphors to your verse would be beneficial. Good read. I haven't read too many topicals, but this was one of the better ones.
Twenty Seven. I feel like there wasn't a clear story in this. The verse seemed to have a lot of vague/random ideas that needed to be elaborated. From what I've learned, Story/staying on topic is the most important aspect of Topicals. The flow was alright. It could have tightened up in places, seeing I had to pause in certain spots. As for Imagery, I felt it was a little bit below par. This wasn't a horrible verse, but it wasn't good either.
Writer 6 got it.
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