Writer 9 - I'll start with the negatives. You didn't stick 100% to the story. While you stayed on topic, Joe didn't really build his house out of the bricks Vernon had thrown at him. In fact he build his house of of bricks generous strangers had gifted him. So that aspect was a little off. The rhyming wasn't great, specifically at the start. A little bit forced when it really didn't need to be. Also, the name Vernon? lmao. The upsides were that I followed the story at all times. I didn't stop reading or lose focus. For some reason I wanted to know the outcome, although it was reasonably predictable. You didn't stray off topic. You gave a lot of attention to Joe, one thing I'd like to see for originality is a way to make a character like Vernon sympathise-able. The ending was fairly good.
Writer 24 - The rhyming and flow was smooth throughout. While maybe the rhyming could be called basic, the way you used it made sure that wasn't a hindrance in any way. I felt you perhaps rushed it towards the end a little bit. The whole thing is about this bully and our protagonist Jay's problems, then suddenly we switch into "It's not like that now" and it concludes in just a few lines. I wasn't really sure about the ending either. Like don't get me wrong, I mark out for any cage fighting reference on LB, but I didn't think it was anything big or revolutionary. Also, cage fighter was probably the wrong way to go. Cage fighter sparks a sense of a grimey illegal underground situation, not something you sympathise with someone over. I might have went down the boxer route. Probably, the best thing you could have done here was all your protagonist Mike, and end it with like "Becoming the youngest heavyweight champ of all time" or something.
Overall - I feel personally that Writer 24 was the fairly obvious winner. Both did fairly well in the topical aspect with keeping on topic and their subject matter, all be it a little clichéd on both parts, but lyrically 24 was a hell of a lot better. Good bout guys.
GMV - Writer 24
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