Interview
With Jack Skellington
Dave: How are you this fine morrow's eve Jack?
Jack: Fan fucking tastic, Ethie poo.
Dave: I hope that nickname doesn't stick.
You've been on Letsbeef for a few years, how do you feel you have elevated?
Jack: Compared to the dark days of C Teezy... See what I did there? I've come a long way, I feel. I've even been touted by a few members as having achieved the highly sought after "heavyweight" position. I don't think I've reached that peak yet, though
Dave: With the successes of Krhyme Killz, RULE and some of the other original Classick members, do you feel you have underachieved thus far?
Jack: Underachieved? Not quite. Both of those guys put in a LOT more work than I do on this site, and I would consider them both much more dedicated to the craft than myself. I'm not gunning for every title pushed my way, but, I've garnered some success on the site, and have established myself as a decent "name."
Dave: With the level on the site seeming to have hit a low point, do you feel that you are a strong candidate for the next Grand Championship Tournament?
Jack: Haha. There are a lot of dudes who could easily win that title over myself. Look out for Lockhart, I've been giving him a lot of solid advice, and he's really been receptive to it. Some other honorable mentions are Illokwent, Dissizit, and Manhattan.
Dave: So you don't think that you could take the advice yourself, and perhaps beat them all to it?
Jack: Oh, I have a chance. But, I'm not going to make any predictions regarding the matter. There's a lot of solid competition, and if I happen to enter a future GC, we'll see what happens then.
Dave: What is your thoughts on the controversial "FTOH" campaign? As an old head giving advice to future guys like Lockhart, what's your take on the sentiment?
Jack: I think that it's a cool idea to promote activity, and beef, but, they're going about the notion in the wrong manner. If you're going to create a movement, you need to be committed to that movement, and none of the people I've seen following that trend seem to be.
Dave: If you were to give one piece of advice to an up and comer on the site now, what would it be?
Jack: I guess it depends on the arena they intend to pursue. If it's audio, I'd suggest giving a strong focus to delivery, and tonality. If it's text, i'd tell them to focus on technicality, and complexity, while maintaining an idea of wordplay that works both ways as a double entandre.
Dave: Alright, I think we're pretty good with the boring stuff. Let’s be funny now.
What's the weirdest thing you've found in your belly button?
Jack: I once found a midget in my belly button. He was feeding on crumbs left there from my evening meals.
Dave: lilmidget?
Jack: He did vaguely resemble the character Chucky from Child's Play.
Dave: Is it true that you have one invisible leg?
Jack: Yes, I call it my penis.
Dave: I heard your penis is an inny.
Jack: No, those are called vaginas, Eth. I understand you've never seen one, though.
Dave: Is it true that you once found a midget that resembled Chucky from Child's Play in your vagina?
Jack: Belly buttons are vaginas? Have I been putting my invisible leg in the wrong hole, again?
Dave: Isn't that how babies are born? You cum in the umbilical cord, and then the stork gives you a prize or something?
Jack: I always thought babies were adopted, like me...
Dave: Adopted/cum in umbilical cord...potato/tomato.
Anyways, thanks for the interview you fat piece of slime faeces. Any last words?
Jack: I like to have sex with sea lions on the beach, while drinking mixed drinks out of fruit cups.
Dave: Thank you.