without tryna sound like im takin the piss , u kinda sound like the female version of Tain here lol , tbh i think u were tryna fit too many words in at once , need to allow some natural pauses between the lines or the flow aint gonna sit right , compared to the acca version i think the acca is better cos the flow sounds more natural rather kinda forced into the beat , but it has to potential just try n shorten up lines a bit make it more bouncy . Stay up yo 

This is pretty decent. Good to see you doing your thing. I agree with a lot of what DeadTRI has already said.