Accidentally posted this on my wall
Ok the "hit from behind by another man unprotected" was a double entendre on gay sex right? I'm saying the diana comparison mixed with using 'hit from behind' masked as 'stabbed in the back' made the rhyme lose its punch due to how much logic you tried to cram, most will think youre referring to the car crash, which getting hit from behind is not how she died.
I'm sayingg i would have scrapped the diana concept all together and pick a simpler concept. 'Stabbed from the back' had the same gay sex entendre that would have given you easier concepts to execute
08-03-2018 01:21 PM
08-03-2018 12:57 PM
Thats a very convoluted way to phrase it tho, if you were in a car with someone and they get into an accident you cant really say they stabbed you in the back, i know he had some allegations against like being drunk but you'd have to know the lesser known details about that to even be able to make that connection, you could have taken a "he gets stabbed from the back like..." and it would have been the same joke with a simpler, more efficient execution
Yes but correct me if im wrong: wasn't her death due to the driver losing control because of the paparazzi? I feel like you implied the death was because a car rear ended hers
08-03-2018 12:25 PM
Thought i explained it well enough.. your opener sbowed nice creativity and ended with a clever quip about being armed. The rest of the verse felt like stream of conscious random rhymes that to me didn't have any correaltion with each other. Towards the you wrre reusing the words "dic" and "hit" and to me reptition shows some lack of creativity. Crimson didn't.have a bar as good as your opener but the entirety of his verse was more consistent tha your second half, which is why ingave him the win.
I basically already explained this in my original vote so not sure why you wanted an expo