Ight, now that it's over..questions:

[AfterThought]

I got a couple questions I want answers to in all honesty by any decent voters (not a shot at any voters, I just really wanna understand)

http://www.letsbeef.com/battle_details.php?section=tb&id=493784

Now, that was my battle with Shodan, cool verse, has possibility to win I guess, but for any reasons but wording being better, let's check it out:

AT's homies will watch THESE ROUNDS HURT THIS WHORE QUICK, it'll "Dawn 'on 'em after son goes down" and they'll BE OUT "EARLY, MOURNING!

..Ok, cool, it's worded good enough not to be bad and got a son/sun/morning/mourning wp.

Who says Afterthought is ACTUALLY KNOWN?, HONESTLY, if you hear "A-T(ee) is extra-large"? that's FAT PEOPLE'S CLOTHES SHOPPING SPREES!

Now, other than the fact that A Tee wp was used alot against me, this is a serious ass question: am I the only one that feels this multi a bit awkward? Anyway..

I HURT & MUG LAME NERDS, i'll prolly "bask in robbin" AT NO 31 FLAVORS! I'll shove a screwdriver into ya face, that's how I RIP FAKIN' Gs, to put it "past your eyes" like making MILK SAFE TO DRINK!

Ok, now I got a real problem with this right here. I hurt & mug lame nerds, can you say that in a casual conversation? Can you be like ayyyy bruh, I hurt & mug lame nerds??
We can let hurt & mug rhyming with 31 slide..but isn't lame nerds & flavors just a tad forced??
....and then in the middle of that casual conversation, you can slide "I rip fakin Gs"??

Then use the pasteurize wp (which was used very heavily back in 2012) in the most mediocre way possible, then end that rhyme with milk safe to drink???


My main question is, am I the only one that sees something wrong with this? Coz I had major wording problems up until 2014 and I always got criticized for it till I fixed the shit...
Shodan This is not even directed with any malice your way, it's just that you used to have to have the ability to construct a smooth verse to win, so I'm trynna understand it

[NatsHubby]

Awkward multis, horrible wording and overall a shabby verse, first verse the punch was the only thing that was worded good tbh.

[AfterThought]

What I'm wondering is if 1 Shodan well-worded okay punch was enough to earn votes from my whole 8 lines

EDIT: Tagged random unbiased people I can think of to the thread

[GRizzEAT]

questioning tha verse isn needed.. anyone with an eye for this shit knows it was buns. maybe questioning tha voters... lemme peep n see who all voted.

[Subreal]

thats why i'm done with this shit. they just stick random people into the FVC and even staff positions now and give them increased VP. Coffin dodger is a fucking mod lmao, he is ass.

[AfterThought]

According to ILLicitt 's expo, I had nice ideas but could have presented them better, and he felt my punches WEREN'T AS STAND OUT AS MY OPPONENT'S!

:noway:

[NatsHubby]

AT's homies will watch THESE ROUNDS HURT THIS WHORE QUICK, it'll "Dawn 'on 'em after son goes down" and they'll BE OUT "EARLY, MOURNING!"

- The dawn/sun/mourning concept has been played. Other than that the wording in the punchline was nice, the setup had nothing to do with the punchline though, had a little sense of continuity but no conceptual connection to the punchline itself.


AfterThought? I hate this HOPELESS FAGGOT, he tryna get famous, become well-KNOWN IN MATCHES but "he's invisible, in the ring" & I don't mean FRODO BAGGINS!

- The whole "I hate this...known in matches" was filler as it packed no concept but it was just a sentence with multiple multi sets with no jabs or connection to the main punchline. Saying he's invisible in the rings doesn't actually pass off as a diss unless you mean he no shows a lot, then in makes sense. The concept was meh.


Who says Afterthought is ACTUALLY KNOWN?, HONESTLY, if you hear "A-T(ee) is extra-large"? that's FAT PEOPLE'S CLOTHES SHOPPING SPREES!

- The setup you talk about his popularity/him being known and in the punch you call him "extra large" (which again is not a diss, you don't actually call a person extra large and insult him, the wording is just awkward) which are two different ideas and not related to each other. And you don't actually say "clothes shopping sprees". The multi in itself sounds so forced grammatically and in terms of annunciation.

I HURT & MUG LAME NERDS, i'll prolly "bask in robbin" AT NO 31 FLAVORS! I'll shove a screwdriver into ya face, that's how I RIP FAKIN' Gs, to put it "past your eyes" like making MILK SAFE TO DRINK! (pasteurise)

- Take a minute, would you say "Hurt and mug lame nerds" in an actual conversation though? Thats simply filler because it doesn't pack any concept nor is it related to your punchline. The baskin robbin concept was executed poorly, what do you exactly mean by "AT NO 31 FLAVORS"? Because it makes no sense nor does it "Diss" your opponent. What exactly and how do you "RIP FAKING Gs"? The term itself is so filler and not needed and it seems as if you just added it there because it fit in with the multi scheme in the bar. The pasteurise wordplay is beyond played and dated to be honest..

Honestly this verse was a 5/10 in all honesty.

[AfterThought]

NatsBoyfriend Yep, thats a reasonable breakdown..

I know it sound cliche, but this is really why people leave LB after they come back lol.

[Row]

I seen that battle too and intended to vote and was too late but in all honesty, I thought that shit was closer than expected. I agree to everything mentioned in the OP but your verse wasn't all that either. Felt you came with some played material as well(lines/movie, fuck/celibate, squeeze arms/blood pressure, pussy/feminist) and phrases that either sounded awkward or doesnt come in casual conversation (you a soft salty piece of food-->??) and the latter stuck out like a sore thumb imo.

[Shodan]

im not even gonna front, my verse was ass

i just haven't been dropping anything good recently. guess my brain isn't working right

[Esso]

Row pretty much summed it up. Both of yall were kinda disappointing in that battle. Shodan had some poorly worded shit...and AT among other not so fresh material, pussy rights/nude feminists was a terrible closer. There were flaws on both sides.

[lllllllllllll]

Text battles are confusing. Every single person wants something different out of a verse that's why it's so hard to write them. I'm sticking to track making.

[AfterThought]

I seen that battle too and intended to vote and was too late but in all honesty, I thought that shit was closer than expected. I agree to everything mentioned in the OP but your verse wasn't all that either. Felt you came with some played material as well(lines/movie, fuck/celibate, squeeze arms/blood pressure, pussy/feminist) and phrases that either sounded awkward or doesnt come in casual conversation (you a soft salty piece of food-->??) and the latter stuck out like a sore thumb imo.

Never said my verse was all that, it was enough
So, in your eyes, we both had bad wording, he had the fresher/damaging punches?

Paperclip Yeah pretty much same here

[Row]

Never said my verse was all that, it was enough
So, in your eyes, we both had bad wording, he had the fresher/damaging punches?



I wouldn't look at the battle and say one was fresher or had harder punchlines because y'all both came played. Only difference between y'all verses were multi usage and entertainment factor and Sho was just more awkward sounding.

[AfterThought]

Riiiiiight, okay

[EtH]

AT's homies will watch THESE ROUNDS HURT THIS WHORE QUICK, it'll "Dawn 'on 'em after son goes down" and they'll BE OUT "EARLY, MOURNING!"

Multi is too stretched out. Should have stuck to Early Mourning as the rhyme. I don't pronounce Morning and Mourning the exact same so the wordplay doesn't really work for me.

AfterThought? I hate this HOPELESS FAGGOT, he tryna get famous, become well-KNOWN IN MATCHES but "he's invisible, in the ring" & I don't mean FRODO BAGGINS!

Decent punch. Could have used a better build but the punch itself is pretty good.

Who says Afterthought is ACTUALLY KNOWN?, HONESTLY, if you hear "A-T(ee) is extra-large"? that's FAT PEOPLE'S CLOTHES SHOPPING SPREES!

Again, cut your multis down. You're clearly not proficient enough to fluidly deliver a 7 syllable rhyme scheme. Keep it simple. If you have to dress up your line with complex rhyme schemes, it probably means the concept isn't good enough and should be scraped. This punch was okay. I mean, nothing good about it and I'll probably forget it even existed after this but I suppose it's okay.

I HURT & MUG LAME NERDS, i'll prolly "bask in robbin" AT NO 31 FLAVORS!

The ONE in 31 is too prominent to not rhyme here. Wordplay doesn't work both ways. "I'll probably Baskin-Robbin A.T. no 31 flavours" doesn't make sense grammatically. Wordplay needs to work both ways, otherwise you're just Rican and Grizz.

I'll shove a screwdriver into ya face, that's how I RIP FAKIN' Gs, to put it "past your eyes" like making MILK SAFE TO DRINK! (pasteurize)

Milk and Rip is a considerable stretch, but don't even get me started on Gs and Drink. Pasteurize is very played in every delivery. I believe I wrote one 8 years ago. Also the wordplay doesn't work both ways (Put it pasteurize).

6/10

----------------

As we speak, the CREW IS COCKIN TEKS. They gon' make "Sho' Dan Yell: Dey Shooting!" without LEWIS ON THE SET!!(daniel day lewis)/

Speaking of wordplay not working both ways:- "They gon make Sho Daniel Day Shooting". Huh? Forced wordplay. Decent idea but delivered like shit. Basically, if you ever feel the need to write ":" in the incorrect manner, rewrite the line cause all of them are crap. Also "Dey Shooting" is annoying wording. I mean sure, I guess if we're in proper ghetto speak guys talk like this, but "Dey" instead of "They" being wordplay annoys me.


Dope got ya momma COOCHIE GETTIN STRETCHED, give her "Lines To Make A Flick" & make a MOVIE FOR THE NET!!/ Y

For is too prominent here to not rhyme with. "FOR THE" and "GETTING" need to line up better. I'm also not really sure what you're meaning. Firstly, why "dope got ya momma coochie getting stretched". Isn't coochie the vagina? Why is dope stretching it? With the punchline, I'm not 100% sure what it is you mean. I guess you mean "give her lines of dope to make porn" but it's all very vague and badly worded. Even so, the punchline struggles then cause you're not really flipping it. I get that you get lines to do a movie, but I mean does she really need lines if it's porn? Also why does it specifically have to be "on the net"? You had no references to the internet or web or anything previous.

ou a "Soft, Salty Piece Of Food"..this is PRECIOUSNESS vs a PRETZEL STICK!!!/ Pshh..actin like he dont 'give a fuck'? that dont SELL A BIT..Maan, I'll have Pirus "Squeeze Arms" to show him what 'blood PRESSURE IS' or square up if he actin 'BRUCE JENNEROUS', even though the TOOL READY CLIPPED I'll "Take It Off & Give This Pussy Rights" like NUDE FEMINISTS!!!/ M.U.R.D.A

"This is preciousness"....is that gangster? I felt the soft, salty piece of food part was a bit on the forced side too. Squeeze arms line was pretty good and well worded. The main punch, not so much. Are feminists really trying to give rights to their pussy? Like do we want the pussy to be able to vote now?

6/10

Overall, for me this was one guy who forced most of his work and had some fairly uncreative punches Vs a guy who tries soooo hard to have 'swag' and be 'original' that he sacrifices every single bit of his wording and deliver for writing like what he thinks a black guy is supposed to write like. Didn't like either verse at all, but I guess one verse had less technical flaws and quite basically didn't annoy me as much as the other.

Vote - Shodan.

[AfterThought]

That's satisfying enough

[EtH]

In summary, both of you need to stop trying to sprint before you can crawl. Write a punchline, deliver the punchline, sorted. Don't try 7 syllable multis. Don't try your best to word a punchline like Erupt or Huey because even RULE doesn't have the ability to write in the manner that they did. Keep it basic.

[AfterThought]

Lol

:smh:

[EtH]

Lol

:smh:

Why you shaking your head though? Are you convincing yourself that your verse was dope and well worded? It was worded atrociously. You came in here to bitch about votes and break down your opponents verse as if you're giving him some feedback as a "vet". Really, you made much more technical mistakes and struggled to deliver even simplistic punchlines. You're trying to do all this extra shit cause you think "I'm AT, I'm a vet and shit, look how many things I can do" but if you can't do the simple stuff well, why are you working on other shit?

[AfterThought]

Coz I'm AT, I'm a vet & shit

[EtH]

Coz I'm AT, I'm shit

Fixed.

[AfterThought]

Dayyyyyyyum boy, got me there

[ILLicitt]

So what's the point of this thread? Because I was under the impression that you read a verse, give your opinion, explain it, and vote. That's what I did. If it hurt your feelings that I voted against you then stop battling. Because I know it's hard to believe, but even the great, perfect, indestructible Afterthought can lose battles.

It happens. Get over it. And if you can't then take a look at this battle I lost to Coffin Dodger.

http://www.letsbeef.com/battle_details.php?section=tb&id=493469

The votes were 4-2 in my favor and I still lost. But I didn't bitch about it. So act like a vet and just take your L. Or stop battling altogether.

Once again if my vote offended you that much then I'll just stay off your battles. But everyone knows I explain all my votes and I'm fair.

[AfterThought]

ILLicitt

The point of this thread is in the OP, just trynna understand what voting is based on today

So hurt rn tho, let me be

[ILLicitt]

AfterThought yea. Ok.

[AfterThought]

Row Come get ya mans

[ILLicitt]

AfterThought bitch move after bitch move I see. I guess you tryna set me straight is too much of a task for you. You gotta ask Row to? Lol ok.

[AfterThought]

Def gotta ask em


(i dont know you)

[ILLicitt]

That's funny. I don't know you either lmao

[AfterThought]

Ha! That shits hilarious b! :hah:

[ILLicitt]

Nah, you making a thread after getting your ass kicked is hilarious...and a fuckboy move lol

[AfterThought]

Ha! That shits hilarious b! :hah:

[ILLicitt]

You a clown b. Send bars or keep pushing this pathetic attempt to save face AKA this thread.

- Gone :high:

[EtH]

Voting today is based on the same shit it always was. If you word a bar like dog shit, the bar sucks. Simple.

[NatsHubby]

Tbh i would have voted for AT based on the simple fact that he didn't force as much as his opponent but both had played concepts, the pussy rights/feminist and the pasteurise,mourning concepts have been done to death.

[ILLoKWENT]

i wouldve voted for AT as well,.. cleaner read, shos shit was worded awkward as fuck..Ats was hella smoother, which wouldve edged him considering punchwise both were hit and miss

[Row]

ILLicitt vs AfterThought

now stop tagging me here

[ILLicitt]

Row battling AfterThought wouldn't do anything for me boss. He's not worth the bars. But if he wants to battle I won't back down. If not then fuck it.

[ILLoKWENT]

Row battling AfterThought wouldn't do anything for me boss. He's not worth the bars.

AfterThought, care to respond?

[ILLicitt]

ILLoKWENT don't waste your time Illo. He's ghost...like he should be...

He'll pop back up whenever another title opportunity presents itself.

[Dysfunctional]

reminder i lost to Illicit when he used a prisoner/bars angle im literally gonna kill myself xD

---------- Post added at 11:04 AM ---------- Previous post was at 11:02 AM ----------

My bad i lost to @inssupressible when he used a prisoner/bars angle .... still gonna end my life though xD

[ILLicitt]

reminder i lost to Illicit when he used a prisoner/bars angle im literally gonna kill myself xD

---------- Post added at 11:04 AM ---------- Previous post was at 11:02 AM ----------

My bad i lost to @inssupressible when he used a prisoner/bars angle .... still gonna end my life though xD

Grudge match?

[AfterThought]

AfterThought, care to respond?

Nah :high: