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View Full Version : The Goodness Of Evil


Lizman
09-13-2015, 08:33 AM
In One Room There Was Darkness, In The Other Was Light
In One Room There Were Horns Gracing The Statue Of Might
In The Other There Were Dreams, Promised Lands As A Vice,
Foreign Hands That Guided You In Despite All Your Spite
Darkness Spoke In A Manner Inducing Pains And A Fright,
Abusing, Placing Illusions, Hallucinations, Day Dreams Aside
"Live Your Lives As You See Fit, Live Your Lives In A Strife,
And In The End I'll Welcome You All Into The Darkness Alike"
Light Was Different, Light Was Gifted Presenting Ways For A Prize
Repentance, Praise For Praying In Attendance Of Favors In Sight
Spending Days Of Labor Bending To The Failures Of Rights
Penance Tailored From The Amply Sanctioned Saviors Of Flight
A Day At A Time

King Balor
10-11-2015, 10:07 PM
Some of the wording felt a little bland or repetitive. Example: despite - spite. I know it's two different words with two different meanings but the spelling similarity throws it off. That'd be like rhyming see and sea. Y'know. Just sounds weak when it falls off the tongue. The piece was short and sweet. You've obviously got potential. Just think you need to revise your shit before posting it so that you can make the wording smoother / crisper. Looking forward to reading more, longer pieces from you.