ATT Round 2: Writer 10 Vs Writer 3 - (Writer 3 Wins 5-1)

[Hubert Cumberdale]

Writer 10 vs. Writer 3

Rules
Verses are due Thursday, July 3rd.
Verses are to be sent to Wonderbred or Dave via Private Message.
There are NO EXTENSIONS.
Verses must be 20-30 lines long.
Voting is 3-0 KO or First to 5.
Writer numbers are changed every round.
Check your PM too find which number you are for this round.

Topic
http://th09.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2011/201/1/0/insanity_by_spiky_valentine-d1q4ilp.jpg

[Hubert Cumberdale]

Writer 10

Shiiiiiiiiiiiet. Ya Boi Weezy F baby in the buildin
And Lately I've been chillin, just banging dis Brazilian
But Weekends got me thinkin, that cuh I made a million
From CDs, EPs...I'm supposed to make
Just To brainwash kids, make'em smoke and drank
My boss hands me the food, I just hold the tray

Then hand it to the fans, Them niggas is robots
Always Doin whut I say, Dey aimin to go nuts
In da club, with a blunt..just tryin to roll up
say YOLO to dem homos, now all of them slow fucks
Is dropping outta school, and screaming out so whut?!

*Lights Blunt* ..Shiiiiet. I seen this kid stuntin in a honda
Just Bumping my stuff n straight tucking up a llama
Nigga had No idea bout conjunctions or a comma
But Home boi knew how to puff some marijuana
My lyrics took affect, started causin him some drama
Slowly killing him, shiiiiiet its somethin like a anaconda
Boi pulled up at da curb, just aimin his piece
The gun snap backed, as da bullet casings released
Niggas screamin out, but it's too late for police
He shot da fool 5 times, blood stains in da street

The killa was my lil cousin, now ain't dat something
I told dat story to the da babe I'm fuckin
He was led down a path of pain, ache n cussing
Leading to a path of certain destruction
Some realness he killed em, and dat shii is crazy
But ion't care. I'm make millions, n fuckin my lady
Tell da children, I feel them. YOUNG MULA......BABY


:meanmug:

Vs

Writer 3

The day's here, I can't believe it's arrived, what a feeling inside,
Training complete, the whole reason i tried,
The moment i dreamed of deep in the night and keep in my mind,
Right now this feels like the peak of my life.
My passing out parade, my family seated in line,
All formerly military and beaming with pride,
Meaning that I'm, not leaving behind,
The legacy created by this legion of guys.
My first mission is Afghanistan, my nerves are a wreck,
Airfield departure, no terminal checks,
Feels like the weight of this dog tag is burning my neck,
But I will earn their respect and serve and protect.
We're patrolling the streets, to set the mood and a precedent,
We move as a regiment, when I hear a commotion I presume is irrelevant,
But there's soon a development of the truth and it's evident,
That our soldiers are robbing and then shooting at residents.
I enter a house as the rate of my heart increases,
I can't believe this,
The floor's a mosaic of body parts and pieces of half deceased kids,
I start to breathe quick, tryna find a theory like I'm Archimedes.
These soldiers are just corrupt thieves, this ain't serve and protect,
They're just vermin obsessed with murder and theft.
I approached my sergeant to reveal the facts,
He said "You're a number, a doll with a key in your back",
"And if I turn it then you fight, you don't seem to be seeing the facts"
"And you saw nothing ok, you disagreeing with that?"
"You'll keep your mouth closed, you better listen to that son",
"And if you don't, then you'll be wishing you had done",
As I told him I'd blow the whistle on this division and faction,
He put one in my head, another soldier missing in action

[Enfinite]

Writer 10:
This piece had me rolling. Even though it was comical, it did carry a message. It was actually a really dope piece and came original. Flow was good, sacrificed vocab for the Weezy effect but the imagery was cool. Contradicted itself in typical Weezy fashion, very original idea.

Writer 3:
I fucked with this piece a lot. The imagery, the story, it was all really good. The two pieces were really close, your ending was somewhat predictable, but it was appropriate. The message was really strong and conveyed a sad truth.

Overall both pieces I felt were even, and it really came down to my personal preference.

MVGT: Writer 3

[Supsie]

Writer 10 I liked this because it's real that exactly what lil wayne would be thinking (Faggot) it flowed nice aswell.

Writer 3 I think your verse was good and put together more complex then writer 10 it also had a real life feel to it.

My vote is for 10 because I think it was original to act as lil wayne.

[Lockhart]

Writer 11: Your piece was really an interesting spin on how a topical is written as it's really never written from a more urban perpsective. Rhyme scheme was decent for the most part and the story progressed very well. I'd say you need to tidy up the scheming a little bit and actually stick with the topic you're given (Not really seeing how Weezy has anything to do with a wind-up toy). Decent topical.

Writer 3: The story to this was incredible. The fact you were able to tie in the soldier being relateable to a wind-up toy near the end was quite impressive and conveyed a strong image on how that army is ran. Rhyming was a bit forced at times with the syllables not matching up, but it didn't take away from how well your story progressed.

Overall, Writer 3 GMV based on the story and his overall sticking to the topic. Wasn't very close, but decent battle guys.

[Wonderbred]

Writer 11: Very interesting take. A lot of times people who are new to topicals will forego grammar and write their verses as if they're battles, but I feel like you're experienced and did it more as a poetic device. Your take on the topic was interesting, with the guy on the ledge being a leader/influential figure instead of what seemed like the obvious interpretation of the guy about to dive in. Your flow was pretty good. Only thing I'd change is the ending, I felt like that was the weak spot.

Writer 3: You did a great job of storytelling. Though the theme was a fairly simple interpretation, the setting to which you applied it was thought-provoking and original, if that makes any sense. I thought your flow was on point, and your multis were all very natural. Overall, the narrative was solid, and I enjoyed your twist ending.

MVGT: Writer 3

[Manhattan]

Writer 10: The story was decent....however it did not make any sense with the picture at hand. Maybe if it was a topical about lil wayne. The flow was pretty decent at least and so was your lil wayne story. Just seemed like you were messing around here. Next time use the picture for your story line

Writer 3: Very smoooth w/ the wording and multis. The whole piece was terrific in my opinion. Your story line matched exactly w/ the picture. Lots of nice imagery in there. One of the best topicals I've read this tournament hands down.

MVGT: Writer 3 A clear and better understanding of how to write and construct a terrific topical

[Hubert Cumberdale]

Writer 10 - A fairly risky but interesting decision here. You did take an original approach on the picture which was very good. I didn't specifically think that the story really went anywhere though. One thing I think would have been CRAZY dope for this, was if you wrote 14 lines in the style you did, with Lil Wayne bragging and shit, then another 14 lines in intelligent language, with Wayne being disgusted at how he's leading people along. It was an okay drop in the end. I didn't think you really added the rhyming to back up it's style, but then again Wayne wouldn't have the rhyming anyways haha.

Writer 3 - The main downside is that your protagonist got killed at the end. I'm never a big fan of this ending to drops. Ranks only slightly higher than "and then I woke up". Also, how was the protagonist narrating the story? From beyond the grave? Another slight thing would be going into the fact that his entire family were military before. Perhaps thinking "Did my family go along with this? Did they do it themselves?". The lyricism was great throughout. Flowed really solidly. You had some great wording in there too, specifically "a mosaic of body parts" was a powerful image.

Overall, I find one took a safer route and executed their topical a lot better.

GMV - Wirter 3

---------- Post added at 12:05 AM ---------- Previous post was at 12:04 AM ----------

Writer 3 Wins 5-1