ATT Round 1: Writer 2 vs. Writer 31 (Writer 2 wins 3-0)

[Wonderbred]

Writer 2 vs. Writer 31

Rules
Verses are due Monday, June 23rd.
Verses are to be sent to Wonderbred via Private Message.
There are NO EXTENSIONS.
Verses must be 20-30 lines long.
Voting is 3-0 KO or First to 5.

Topic #1
“Great things are done by a series of small things brought together.” -Van Gogh

[Wonderbred]

Writer 2

“Great things are done by a series of small things brought together.”

February 19th, 1888.

My visions have come to fruition, I can finally reach out my hands
And say to my comrades "We're in Arles in the South of France!"
After the hours passed, we sat, reflecting on our past.
Watching the sand sift through the hour glass,
Debating "Who will be making the loudest splash!?"
I boasted "It is I, Vincent, who gains the image of proudest lad!"
"Don't be crazy!" stated Paul Gaugin, pacing around the camp.
"You're never put down the pad! Greatness is what we doubt you have!
Plus with your insanity? Vinny please, you're bound to crash."
I was doubted by my own friends, and honestly, there's nothing worse.
Then I convinced myself that I would never hear another word.

February 20th, 1888

The next morning I stretched out a canvas, I painted bubbles, swirls
This was just the back drop that symbolized my troubled world.
My mind racing every time I'm sketching by the brush's curl.
Then I looked out my window, my next picture? A lovely girl.

"Great things are done by a series of small things brought together."

I invited her inside, hoping I could stay stable.
Her first words were, "Good morning, sir, my name's Rachel."
I was not shy with my response "You look like a great angel,
And know that if I had you by my side, I would stay faithful."

The look upon her face had painted disgust to an awful joke.
She quickly cried, "I've got to go!" Damnit, Vince, you've lost her, bloke!
You didn't get to walk her home, all because your thoughts were shown
To trace an image out that you don't want to live life all alone.

What should I do? She set my whole world in motion.
I must figure out a way to show my whole devotion.
I saw a rusty razor blade, I said, "I'll chop off my ear!"
I didn't care what the other's thought, I'd lost all my fear.

I recollected back to the vow that I'd made last night.
Recalling every syllable that made Paul state that lie.
I vowed to never hear another word, and now it seems I'm half-right.

"Great things are done by a series of small things brought together..."



Writer 31

“Great things are done by a series of small things brought together.”


My Masterpiece

Word on the street is some dudes tryna HARM ME & MY FAM, they tried to BOMB ME BUT I RAN, cuz all i had ON ME WAS MY HANDS, so now I’m on tha Block lookin to piece together an ARMY WIT A PLAN, so right away i STARTED WIT SELECTIONS, my TARGET IS PERFECTION so the first dude i got was SMART KID WITH CONNECTIONS, got us all hooked up from the black MARKET WIT PROTECTION..after that, i went straight to the CLOSEST JAIL, found a suspect who love to TOTE THA STEEL & HOPED TO KILL, so i Invested On by Collectin Bonds to POST HIS BAIL..next i went to the gym & found a man who looked like DEBO, he was shootin FREE THROWS, i mention the punks and even HE KNOWS, that they BEAT HOES, so i now i got this mufucka strap’d up for FREE YO! Then i hit up my bro & cuzo So i can have a BOND I CAN TRUST, even tho they’re no LONGER SUM THUGS, i got them ready to fight cuz aint nothing STRONGER THAN BLOOD!! I’m almost finished, just need a few females to INFILTRATE, once the girls gain their trust THEN I’LL WAIT til I establish their patterns before i PENETRATE, find their weakest link to INTIMIDATE, then I FED EM CAKE, & LET EM BREAK & if he don’t Cooperate, he MET HIS FATE..but i got em to SWITCH SIDES, then got in contact with my BITCH SPYS, and they told me all the HIT GUYS, so now my crew ready to make sure the whole CLIQUE DIES...It’s Saturday Night, & Word from my girls they all DRUNK N LIFTED, so we all grab our PUMPS PUT KLIPS IN, grabbed our hostage & put him in tha TRUNK FA SNITCHIN, then went to their safe house where these CHUMPS IS SIPPIN.. Rolled up, & let the SHOTTY SPARKED, immediately killed both BODY GUARDS, then we RAN IN DA CRIB, shot the first MAN IN THA RIBS, bursted in the back room where the last four was smokin ONE JOINT, all were unharmed so i held them at GUN POINT.. then i COCKED IT, told them to DROP IT & empty they POCKETS, their stash box wasn’t HARD TO FIND, so we ROBBED THEM BLIND..they tried to ASK FA PEACE, but it was my goal to make sure my Enemy’s ASS DECEASED, so we lined them up & BLAST THE HEAT, then we DASHED TO STREETS..& that’s when i realized i created a MASTER PIECE!

[Dysfunctional]

So this was a pretty easy decision IMO Mad Respects to both for posting though.
Writer 2: This was well done the ending was beautiful. The beginning had me confused as to why it was there though it seemed random (even if the end connected to it it's still an odd start and transition to the next part) Other then that Great Topical.
Writer 31: The structure threw me off immediately i thought i was reading a battle verse. The vocabulary threw me off as well it's kinda bad to use that stuff in a Topical ( I assume this is your first topical so i'm giving constructive criticism) The story was choppy to me and the ending seemed a bit predictable.
Props to both for posting but MVGT: Writer 2

[IAmFlow]

Writer 2 - Dope piece. Wording and flow was flawless for the most part. One or two slip ups towards the end. Like the poetic feel and technique with using the quote throughout your verse. The topic and approach you brought was original and creative. You weren't two simplistic or too complex and had a good use of dialogue in there as well. I haven't read the other battles yet but as of now I would think you are one of the ones that have the capability to go far into this tournament. Other than that, I would say next time to try and find an approach thats a little more enjoyable for the reader. Although, I thought this work was well written, and I liked it because of it being written good, I found the overall topic of it boring. But dope shit. Good way to start of this tournament.

Writer 31 - To start, the cypher approach in the topical section (forum battling) it just looks messy and sloppy. It's probably no coincidence that the people that write this way in the topical battles don't make it very far. Just my own 2 cents and observation. So down to the verse. You somewhat followed the quote in a way but from what I read I don't feel you really gasped the true meaning of what Van Gogh was trying to bring across. I did not feel the thuggy, gangsta approach and robbing someone was really brought out the topic. As far as rhyme scheme and wording, you started off decent at the beginning and then it fell off from there on out. It became a bit too simplistic for me and the piece was a bit jumpy in spots as well. Hopefully, this tournament can help you out a bit as too writing in the topical notion as you read through some of the other battles.

MGVT: Writer 2 - Writer 2 just had a better understanding of topicals and seemed more experience. His verse was just better in all areas, IMO.

[-Dru-]

Writer 2

I thought the verse was nice. You took the quote literally and did your thing with it using Van Gogh as the character, which was a nice approach to take as this could have made it difficult. I actually thought the rhyming was a little basic in places, making the flow a little sort of slow paced. But overall a solid first round verse

Writer 31

You took a completely different approach to the topic. I like how you included all the things that had to come together to get to the ending. It was just a little basic. It seemed more cypher than topical. Getting on point with the topic is the main thing you need to do in a topical battle - which you did well, so there's a good basis to work from. It just seemed like whoever writer 2 is, they are a little more experienced in topicals and a little more well rounded

Vote - writer 2

[Hubert Cumberdale]

Upping for formatting.