WOTW: Dave vs. Black Book (Dave wins 3-0)

[Wonderbred]

Dave vs. Black Book

Rules
Verses are due Wednesday, May 14.
Verses are to be posted in THIS thread.
There are NO EXTENSIONS.
Verses must be 20-30 lines long.
Vote deductions will happen for people going over.
Voting is 3-0 KO, 3-1 TKO or first to 5.

Topic
http://i.imgur.com/LmMqSRN.jpg

[Hubert Cumberdale]

You mahfuckaz always love copy and pasting my shit :D

Check. About time BB

[FAME]

Damn, I wish I got this picture in mine

[Black Book]

Life is a flat circle destined to endlessly repeat and each revolution causes humanity to senselessly deplete.
And each evolution causes a new species to relentlessly compete and another species to defenselessly retreat.
Man used to fear beast; we ranked lower on the ladder.
But then we evolved; we became wiser, stronger, faster.
And energy cannot be created or destroyed, only recycled; we cannot prolong the matter.
Power will return to beast and the scales will shift.
The world won't stop turning, seismic plates will still shift, but in humanity, you will find the real rift.
Man will return to animalistic states and regain some of their animalistic traits.
Are you a man or beast? Beast or man? It's an identity crisis.
Life is a state of conscious living and when you die, energy rises.
But unconsciously man gives away it's energy; look in mirror and we might tend to be lifeless.
The circle keeps spinning in flat space geometrically sealing fates.
Is man killing man? Or are those apes killing apes?
We are stuck, infinitely trying to not be beasts yet losing humanity.
Our own greed and lust for power is chewing through sanity.
The circle keeps spinning and we get more and more lost with every revolution.
Man and beasts are the same but are they both man or beasts? That's the on set confusion.
The cycle will never end, for energy cannot be created or destroyed, only recycled.
The poison is in us and we can't get rid of it; when we die, it's only reviled.

[Hubert Cumberdale]

I'll be posting roughly 10 hours from now. I don't know how that effects deadlines.

[Wonderbred]

Dave no problem, I'm gonna be pretty flexible with the deadlines. I'd rather have a solid competitive battle a day later than DQ someone like a time Nazi.

[Hubert Cumberdale]

Bishop’s Trout
I tramped through the marshlands, boots succumbing to floating fauna,
With a fly rod cast out to open water,
I would leave the city streets to reach this transcendental scene,
All stood still but for a cool, gentle breeze,
The only tug on my arm, was from the perch that I caught,
When the float plummeted down to the depths of the loch,
This was different, the forceful fish fled as I grasped the rod,
It would crack the logs as it thrashed along,
I’ve seen trout before, I’d never seen it as big,
The line stressed and pressed as I was reeling it in,
It’s weight was a match for my sizeable doubt,
But not long had passed before I tired it out,
From its fin I lifted, water dripped on my feet,
It was different to see such a mammoth amphibian just admitting defeat,
It’s eyes hung lower than the reeds they wade through,
It’s body and face tinted by the dullest grey hue,
It didn’t fight at all, it wasn’t worth the hassle,
It’s cheeks were scarred by accolades of battle,
Every hook that failed, every line that snapped,
Each time it prevailed, but now it’s time has passed,
No resistance was given, it inspired my thought;
Bishop’s trout just wanted all the fighting to stop.

[Lockhart]

God Bless and #BULLYSWAG

[Wonderbred]

Black Book: Your piece was pretty on point. You kind of took the more general symbolic route, which I'm not usually a fan of, but you pulled it off well. Rhyming and flow were solid. My favorite line was "The world won't stop turning, seismic plates will still shift, but in humanity, you will find the real rift." It was pretty thought-provoking and contained a lot of heavy stuff. My only real problem with your verse is that it didn't have any story or cohesive plot at all, which, in my opinion, is a pretty big part of topicals. The position you took wasn't bad, but it didn't really directly incorporate any details of the picture at all, which cost you some points in my book.

Dave: You took a more literal, narrative route, and I think that helped you. Flow wasn't quite as good as BB in my opinon, but I think that might have been because of differences in accent. On top of that, you had lots of imagery, which was a big plus. I also thought the twist at the end was really original; most people would have just talked about the epic struggle with the shark and left it at that, but I really liked how you turned it around and made it so the shark had really given up at that point.

All in all, this was a clash of two styles, and I'm giving it to the one I thought addressed the topic better.
MVGT: Dave

[Lockhart]

Black Book: Solid piece. I thought your vocabulary and use of it was quite strong in this piece. Definitely a good story in terms of what actually happens with us as humans and animals. I felt your flow was lacking in some spots, but it definitely wasn't bad. Overall I felt this topical was quite solid.

Dave: You did a couple things differently from Black. For starters: You made it more so about the actual fish and the man instead of a broader spectrum involving humans and animals. With that, you also got more in to detail about what was going on with the fish and the man. It was quite the solid piece here as well. It flowed quite well in my opinion and the imagery was pretty good.

Overall? I have to go with who I feel got more in to detail as to what the topic was. MVGT: Dave.

[Wonderbred]

Bumping so we can close this before the ATT.

[-Dru-]

Am I cool to drop a vote on this ish?

[Wonderbred]

-Dru- Yeah, as long as you give good expos.

[-Dru-]

Book had a more philosophical approach to the image. Sometimes this can get annoying when people try to say everything in the image is symbolising something different - but you kept it on point without doing that, which I liked. Nothing worse than someone searching too deep to find hidden messages that just aren't there. The seemed to be little story to it though, which I remember seeing more of when I last peeped your ish.

Dave had a more direct approach which can sometimes be seen a lazy but I think worked in this case as it was an unusual image. The story worked well and ending left you with a though. I also thought the vocab was better.

If I'm honest I remember better from both when I was last around but I thought this was a tricky image to use and that both did well in the circumstances

Vote - Dave

[RULE]

added

tbm